KareoD Posted March 29, 2014 Posted March 29, 2014 Hello, Decided to put this in "Breaks and Breaking Up" because it's in regards to an ex. Basically, I'm moving from London to Sydney in a few months. I'm making an effort to get in touch with people that I have lost touch with in my life to just catch up with as many people as I can before I go as I may never get a proper chance again. One of the people I was thinking of getting in contact with was my ex. We broke up 2 years ago, we had a close relationship (lasted 4 years) but we amicably split because we were two different people going in two different directions. We tried to make it work as friends but it was too hard so soon, so we went our own separate ways. Since then, we've both moved on and haven't been any bother to one another. I want to get in contact with her for simply a catch up like any other of the people I am/have contacted, but I don't want her to think that I'm trying to interfere with her life or pick up where we left off. So I'm looking for some advice on how you think I should approach her. I was thinking of just sending an e-mail, explaining that I'm moving and it would be nice to have a catch up. I'm struggling to make it sound completely platonic but still making it sound upbeat and friendly. Any help would be appreciated!
KaliLove Posted March 29, 2014 Posted March 29, 2014 Why? What's the point of doing this? I'm not telling you not to, I'm just wondering what the point is. If you haven't spoken to each other in years, why contact her now? Btw, I love Sydney. The people there are lovely and they don't hate Americans like most of the rest of the world seems to..ha. 2
Simon Phoenix Posted March 29, 2014 Posted March 29, 2014 If you are struggling to make it platonic, then it's probably not a good idea to do it to be honest.
Author KareoD Posted March 29, 2014 Author Posted March 29, 2014 Why? What's the point of doing this? I'm not telling you not to, I'm just wondering what the point is. If you haven't spoken to each other in years, why contact her now? Btw, I love Sydney. The people there are lovely and they don't hate Americans like most of the rest of the world seems to..ha. Simply because we started off as friends before we got together anyway, so I always valued her as a friend. She's simply one of the many people I'm contacting but it's different since the way we left things off. It's nothing to do with our past relationship but simply that it would be nice to know what she's been up to, like I think it'd be nice to know what all the people I'm contacting have been up to. Haha! I know I'm incredibly looking forward to it. Life changing. If you are struggling to make it platonic, then it's probably not a good idea to do it to be honest. It's not that I'm struggling to make it platonic I just don't want her to think that because I'm being nice that I want something more from her, if you know what I mean? Like friendly but not.. too friendly. At the end of the day if she doesn't reply or whatever it's not going to dent my ego, it's simply a way of getting in touch for a short while before I go and doing it in a manner that won't confuse her unnecessarily. It is coming from a completely platonic place but I understand ex's aren't the easiest people to get in touch with innocently.
KaliLove Posted March 29, 2014 Posted March 29, 2014 It seems like a bad idea to me. I don't think there's any way to do it without disrupting her life.
Simon Phoenix Posted March 29, 2014 Posted March 29, 2014 It's not that I'm struggling to make it platonic I just don't want her to think that because I'm being nice that I want something more from her, if you know what I mean? Like friendly but not.. too friendly. At the end of the day if she doesn't reply or whatever it's not going to dent my ego, it's simply a way of getting in touch for a short while before I go and doing it in a manner that won't confuse her unnecessarily. It is coming from a completely platonic place but I understand ex's aren't the easiest people to get in touch with innocently. Honestly, if you are thinking this much about it, you shouldn't do it. If it was a good idea, you'd just "grip it and rip it" and not worry about how it sounds to her.
Author KareoD Posted March 29, 2014 Author Posted March 29, 2014 Fair enough. I don't think I was thinking too much into it, I just didn't want to give her the wrong impression. Thanks for the advice
Ordinaryday Posted March 30, 2014 Posted March 30, 2014 You can never really know how your ex is feeling, so it is best not to just assume they are doing 'okay' and barge back into their life. I was dumped once and extremely bitter about it and two years later the dumper contacted me to "just say hi" and acted as if they didnt break my heart, rip it into pieces. it made me furious. best to just leave it alone.
bluegreen Posted March 30, 2014 Posted March 30, 2014 Yap as soon as I read words struggle my mind was made up to No.
d0nnivain Posted March 30, 2014 Posted March 30, 2014 Send the e-mail. Don't expect anything. Even if she so much as gives you a tip about a good dry cleaner, you are ahead of the game. If you are disrupting her life, she can ignore you or send back an F-you response. No harm no foul.
purplesoccer34 Posted March 30, 2014 Posted March 30, 2014 There's no harm in trying, but I think it always gets a little tricky with exes. She's not like the other friends you're trying to catch up with. You run the risk of her thinking you want to pick up where you left off, no matter what you say. It's been a little over 5 years since my very first relationship ended, but I still see the guy from time to time because he's a good family friend. When I see him, I don't get butterflies in my stomach like I used to, but I will always remember what I felt for him. I can say the same about my second relationship. I believe that once you've been in a serious relationship with someone, it's hard to go back to being just friends, but people have certainly done it, and like I said, there's no harm in at least trying to reach out to her. Just say something along the lines of, "Hey it's been a while, I was wondering what you've been up to lately," but of course add a bit more detail, haha.
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