danny12 Posted March 29, 2014 Posted March 29, 2014 This is serious. I need helpful answers here. not no stupid bs answers like "incest" or anything like that. Im wondering if it is normal, to think ur cousin looks good, and have had a small crush? I THINK I had a crush on my cousin for like 1 or 2 days. We spent a weekend together and when she left I was super sad. I don't know if I felt a close family bond, or if it was a "crush". Anyways, is it normal to have this passing fleeting thought. I mean I guess we all think that. But never act upon it. I NEVER acted upon it, if I had one. I do not have a crush on her now at all. I know that. Shes more like a sister. If she talks about guys or getting a bf, I do not care AT ALL. as a matter of fact when I hangout wit her I totally forget that I may have had a crush, so when we are around each other, I treat her just like a cousin. BTW I have never got to see her much. I only have seen her like 3 or 4 times. That is all. she is like a third cousin, or a second cousin once removed? Idk it does not matter, it till grosses me out that I may have had those thoughts. I have OCD so this is an obsession and grossing me out and eating me alive. HELP!
Gaeta Posted March 29, 2014 Posted March 29, 2014 Yes it's normal. Teens and younger men will often have crushes on their sexy cousins and ants. It's just part of having a shat load of hormones rushing through them. Don't get concerned with it, it will pass. 2
Strength in Healing Posted March 29, 2014 Posted March 29, 2014 Yes it's normal. Teens and younger men will often have crushes on their sexy cousins and ants. It's just part of having a shat load of hormones rushing through them. Don't get concerned with it, it will pass. Umm............
Author danny12 Posted March 29, 2014 Author Posted March 29, 2014 Well it already passed. But I'm so grossed out at the fact it may have happened if it did. Ugh *** ocd.
Strength in Healing Posted March 29, 2014 Posted March 29, 2014 Well it already passed. But I'm so grossed out at the fact it may have happened if it did. Ugh *** ocd. Post a pic of said cousin, so we can, you know, help you discern what was up. 2
Gaeta Posted March 29, 2014 Posted March 29, 2014 There are several cases of first cousins getting married. It's not something that unusual. It is also happening more with cousins you do not see often compared to cousins you grow up with. When we grow up with someone there is something happening in the brain that makes it impossible to be sexually attracted toward them. I don't have that research handy to give you the scientific word. This phenomena does not happen between people that have not grown up together. That's why often young men will have a thing for their sexy cousins and ants that they only see during vacation for example. 1
Author danny12 Posted March 29, 2014 Author Posted March 29, 2014 But I do not want that. I have a gf who I love very much right now. I'm not crushing on my cousin at all anymore if that was the case. Just i'm grossed out that it happened possibly and I feel horrible
Gaeta Posted March 29, 2014 Posted March 29, 2014 But I do not want that. I have a gf who I love very much right now. I'm not crushing on my cousin at all anymore if that was the case. Just i'm grossed out that it happened possibly and I feel horrible You must like flagellating yourself for nothing. You feel grossed out because you don't understand it's normal. You've been programmed to think it's grossed, just like some people have been programmed to think masturbating is sinful when it's a normal and healthy act. Don't bug your mind with it. What you've experienced is normal. Just like when you're little and you play doctor with your cousins and siblings, it's NORMAL, it's part of discovering our body.
smackie9 Posted March 29, 2014 Posted March 29, 2014 But I do not want that. I have a gf who I love very much right now. I'm not crushing on my cousin at all anymore if that was the case. Just i'm grossed out that it happened possibly and I feel horrible This just isn't about you crushing on your cousin back in the day, this is about your OCD that is giving you the issues. Get therapy for it if you already haven't. If you have talk to your therapist, and have your medication adjusted before it consumes you and starts to interfere with you life and your relationships. You coming on here means you are desperate for help. We can't help you, only a professional can.
smackie9 Posted March 29, 2014 Posted March 29, 2014 You must like flagellating yourself for nothing. You feel grossed out because you don't understand it's normal. You've been programmed to think it's grossed, just like some people have been programmed to think masturbating is sinful when it's a normal and healthy act. Don't bug your mind with it. What you've experienced is normal. Just like when you're little and you play doctor with your cousins and siblings, it's NORMAL, it's part of discovering our body. You can repeat this to him many times but when it comes to people with OCD they don't understand the word stop. They will hear the advice given, but keep pressing the ask button over and over and over and over....
OhThatGirl Posted March 29, 2014 Posted March 29, 2014 Normal. Agree with other posters this isn't an issue with the distant cousin, it's just a manifestation of your OCD. Hell I'm almost 30 and I have a second cousin that is gorgeous, smart, and very sweet. If he wasn't related (even in a somewhat distant way) I'd be all over it. It's just something that happens when someone you weren't brought up with someone as "family." No need to feel gross about it. 1
Author danny12 Posted March 29, 2014 Author Posted March 29, 2014 This just isn't about you crushing on your cousin back in the day, this is about your OCD that is giving you the issues. Get therapy for it if you already haven't. If you have talk to your therapist, and have your medication adjusted before it consumes you and starts to interfere with you life and your relationships. You coming on here means you are desperate for help. We can't help you, only a professional can. I'm too embarrassed to tell my therapists
Author danny12 Posted March 29, 2014 Author Posted March 29, 2014 So you all are saying it's normal to have feelings for a cousin at one point? Like not sexual too?
Strength in Healing Posted March 29, 2014 Posted March 29, 2014 (edited) When we grow up with someone there is something happening in the brain that makes it impossible to be sexually attracted toward them. I don't have that research handy You don't have research handy because that is asinine. I am getting my doctorate in psych and have had to READ cases on incest and rape within immediate families. Trust me, this is nutty. Don't defend it, just separate yourself from this statement immediately. Edited March 29, 2014 by Strength in Healing
Author danny12 Posted March 29, 2014 Author Posted March 29, 2014 You don't have research handy because that is asinine. I am getting my doctorate in psych and have had to READ cases on incest and rape within immediate families. Trust me, this is nutty. Don't defend it, just separate yourself from this statement immediately. I mean. I do hear of incest. I AM NOT DOING THAT NOR WILL I EVER NOR DO I WANT TOO. But he is kind of right u do gear of it. So that isn't possible?
isisisweeping Posted March 29, 2014 Posted March 29, 2014 thing for their sexy cousins and ants. So first, I'm NOT trying to be rude. Since you've said this the exact same way and spelling twice in two different posts, it's clearly not a typo. It is "aunts" not "ants." This is not to be rude, but I know I want people to tell me verse letting me keep repeating something like that and noticing and letting me continue. OP: If it was a fleeting thought that you did not try to pursue, there's no need to beat yourself up. You can't control fleeting thoughts.
Strength in Healing Posted March 29, 2014 Posted March 29, 2014 Look, you aren't sick or demented. Don't worry. Likely you just had a feeling of affection and it didn't hurt that she was physically symmetrical. Wasn't like you tried to sleep with her. Not a big deal, let it go
Gaeta Posted March 29, 2014 Posted March 29, 2014 So first, I'm NOT trying to be rude. Since you've said this the exact same way and spelling twice in two different posts, it's clearly not a typo. It is "aunts" not "ants." This is not to be rude, but I know I want people to tell me verse letting me keep repeating something like that and noticing and letting me continue. haha thanks, English is not my first language and I easily get these nouns mixed up. Is it noun or nun? I think it's noun 1
Gaeta Posted March 29, 2014 Posted March 29, 2014 You can repeat this to him many times but when it comes to people with OCD they don't understand the word stop. They will hear the advice given, but keep pressing the ask button over and over and over and over.... Gosh thanks for the warning ! I would have gone on and on and on with him!
Gaeta Posted March 29, 2014 Posted March 29, 2014 You don't have research handy because that is asinine. I am getting my doctorate in psych and have had to READ cases on incest and rape within immediate families. Trust me, this is nutty. Don't defend it, just separate yourself from this statement immediately. This is not a case of incest and rape. If you are so versed in the matter you then know about the Oedipus complex in children is a normal part of growing up as well as teen sexual attraction among second degree family. 1
Author danny12 Posted March 29, 2014 Author Posted March 29, 2014 So then everyone basically goes through something like this at so easy point?
OhThatGirl Posted March 29, 2014 Posted March 29, 2014 You don't have research handy because that is asinine. I am getting my doctorate in psych and have had to READ cases on incest and rape within immediate families. Trust me, this is nutty. Don't defend it, just separate yourself from this statement immediately. Whoa now. Just because you've read cases that argue against this doesn't mean it's not true. If anything your cases would possibly cite where the mechanism has failed, not that it doesn't exist. Whether it is biological or psychological, there is an innate avoidance of incest in family members raised with each other. As for a source, try the book Against Moral Nativism by Stich 2009 that describes avoidance of incest being more of an innate rather than moral phenomenon complete with academic references. Impossible? Never say never. Reasonable argument? Absolutely. Ps. As a PsychDc you must realize that coming on here the way you did probably instilled more anxiety in OP than help him, right? 1
Author danny12 Posted March 29, 2014 Author Posted March 29, 2014 But one thing u cannot do with ocd pol is take away the reassurance. The reassurance I am getting from here now I'd all I have. If u guys ignore this and take this away I.will go crazy....until I meet with my therapist and tell her
Author danny12 Posted March 29, 2014 Author Posted March 29, 2014 Whoa now. Just because you've read cases that argue against this doesn't mean it's not true. If anything your cases would possibly cite where the mechanism has failed, not that it doesn't exist. Whether it is biological or psychological, there is an innate avoidance of incest in family members raised with each other. As for a source, try the book Against Moral Nativism by Stich 2009 that describes avoidance of incest being more of an innate rather than moral phenomenon complete with academic references. Impossible? Never say never. Reasonable argument? Absolutely. Ps. As a PsychDc you must realize that coming on here the way you did probably instilled more anxiety in OP than help him, right? And yes, I do have more anxiety
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