Over a year later. In a rut...

[SinceYou'veBeenGone]

It's been over a year since my break up. Need advice/support.

 

Over the year I thought I moved on and gotten over him.

Lately, I can't stop thinking about him.

I don't think I have gone a day since we broke up without having him cross my mind. (he left me).

 

Past 3 dates I have been on put a bad taste in my mouth. The last one gave me a cold from kissing him (Yuck). The thought of going on another date makes me want to cry, but I also don't want to be single forever.

 

Feels like every date went south because (1) I wasn't that into them, (2) they seem like they just want to get laid. I swear I want to punch the next one that acts like they just want to make out and take it to the next level. I feel so bitter and frustrated. Getting sick was my last straw.

 

No one can compare to my ex. The fact I compare is awful. No one can compare in an attraction scale, chemistry scale, or anything.

 

I am scared I will never move on. Despite the fact he eventually moved on and found someone, I still desire him. During the summer when we became friends after months of no communication he would ignore me a lot. He even forgot my birthday. A week after my birthday he changed his relationship status. He was probably having sex all that time while I was reaching out to him. At the time I thought I could never get back together with someone who lied to me like he did.

 

He also lied to me by reassuring me that he just didn't want to be in a relationship with anyone, nothing to do with me. So we continued to hang out. Then boom he got in a relationship, just wasn't with me.

 

It is a year later and I wish we somehow got back together. We fooled around a lot over last summer (2013) and he promised me that if he started dating other people he would let me know. It's not my business but, I said I don't want to fool around with someone who is seeing someone else, it's only fair. Otherwise be upfront and don't fool around with me.

He promised he would never hurt me like that and that I was the only one he was seeing. As the summer went on he would take longer to respond to me. Week after my birthday. Boom. Felt like a back stab. Never even told me personally he had a new gf. Instead he posted it on fb.

 

Over the year while I spent many nights crying and missing him, he was probably having some great sex with the new gf. The thought of that hurts but so much time has passed that I still wish we were somehow reconnected.

 

I don't know how else to finish this post but I have been really down lately. He might never reach back out for the rest of my life. Things ended in an unpleasant way. I need to move on but I don't know how.

 

I am so curious how he views me but I can never really know that unless our fate puts us back together in the future. I can't reach back out to him. Left on a bitter note. He is the guy and if he ever wanted me back in his life he would unblock me and find a way. Anyone still struggling from a breakup that ended a long time ago where the other person left you?

Edited March 28, 2014 by SinceYou'veBeenGone

[jphcbpa]

seems that staying friends with him helped him get over you and hurt your healing.

[DannyCA]

It's been over a year since my break up. Need advice/support.

 

Over the year I thought I moved on and gotten over him.

Lately, I can't stop thinking about him.

I don't think I have gone a day since we broke up without having him cross my mind. (he left me).

 

Past 3 dates I have been on put a bad taste in my mouth. The last one gave me a cold from kissing him (Yuck). The thought of going on another date makes me want to cry, but I also don't want to be single forever.

 

Feels like every date went south because (1) I wasn't that into them, (2) they seem like they just want to get laid. I swear I want to punch the next one that acts like they just want to make out and take it to the next level. I feel so bitter and frustrated. Getting sick was my last straw.

 

No one can compare to my ex. The fact I compare is awful. No one can compare in an attraction scale, chemistry scale, or anything.

 

I am scared I will never move on. Despite the fact he eventually moved on and found someone, I still desire him. During the summer when we became friends after months of no communication he would ignore me a lot. He even forgot my birthday. A week after my birthday he changed his relationship status. He was probably having sex all that time while I was reaching out to him. At the time I thought I could never get back together with someone who lied to me like he did.

 

He also lied to me by reassuring me that he just didn't want to be in a relationship with anyone, nothing to do with me. So we continued to hang out. Then boom he got in a relationship, just wasn't with me.

 

It is a year later and I wish we somehow got back together. We fooled around a lot over last summer (2013) and he promised me that if he started dating other people he would let me know. It's not my business but, I said I don't want to fool around with someone who is seeing someone else, it's only fair. Otherwise be upfront and don't fool around with me.

He promised he would never hurt me like that and that I was the only one he was seeing. As the summer went on he would take longer to respond to me. Week after my birthday. Boom. Felt like a back stab. Never even told me personally he had a new gf. Instead he posted it on fb.

 

Over the year while I spent many nights crying and missing him, he was probably having some great sex with the new gf. The thought of that hurts but so much time has passed that I still wish we were somehow reconnected.

 

I don't know how else to finish this post but I have been really down lately. He might never reach back out for the rest of my life. Things ended in an unpleasant way. I need to move on but I don't know how.

 

I am so curious how he views me but I can never really know that unless our fate puts us back together in the future. I can't reach back out to him. Left on a bitter note. He is the guy and if he ever wanted me back in his life he would unblock me and find a way. Anyone still struggling from a breakup that ended a long time ago where the other person left you?

 

 

Yeah I was. I struggled for a good 11-12 months after she broke up with me. I was angry, bitter, confused, sad, etc. You name it I felt that emotion. I found myself foolishly trying to make her happy all this time after SHE broke up with me hoping that it would somehow help my chances of reconciliation later on.

 

I didn't want to give up on her even though she gave up on me a long time ago. Looking back on it I wish I made that B**** sleep in the bed she made, but nope I was too spineless to let her live with the consequences that she deserved.

 

You made a mistake fooling around with him and keeping in contact with him after the break up. He never got a chance to miss you.

 

 

I'm now at almost 14 months post BU. I won't say I am 100% over her, but I can finally say I feel like I'm starting to get there.

 

Stop putting him up on a pedestal, seriously.

 

And also you need to realize that being with someone shouldn't be the only thing that makes you happy. I don't think you should try to find a boyfriend because you don't want to be single anymore.

 

Even though things ended badly with my ex, we just kind of ran into each other, we clicked, we fell in love, then it ended. Point being we weren't trying to find each other, we just happened. Idk, I feel like thats the way it's supposed to be

[SinceYou'veBeenGone]

That doesn't make me feel better. I can't go back in time.

 

I didn't realize that hooking up/hanging out with me was his way of seeking closure for himself, making getting over me easier.

 

There was even a time when I saw him checking out other girls when we were "just friends" hanging out. I wasn't sure if it was my imagination or if he really was, but it tore me up inside. Yet, as torn up as I was, I'd still return to his place after and sleep over. I didn't say anything when I saw it.

 

I couldn't turn him down. It was either be sad without him, or hang around him even though I knew he didn't want to be in a relationship with me. He blamed the break up on life circumstances and getting injured, and "other things." Meanwhile the summer (2013) drifted on, I got busy with classes. He made breadcrumb attempts on random Sunday nights to hang out. Then weeks later boom. He made a public announcement on fb of the new relationship. That was one of, if not, the worst feelings in the world. Yet with time it makes that pain subside and I still miss him. I still care about him. If I saw him in person it would mess me up inside.

 

It doesn't make logical sense how I could still want to be with someone that probably doesn't care about me at all and hurt me very badly.

 

I have learned my lesson though for future relationships. No more hanging out after a break up, even if it is months or a long time later. If that person doesn't want a relationship with me and I still feel a strong sense of attraction to them, I have to be strong and not associate with that person anymore.

 

I still feel broken to this day. It's like he put a scar on my heart and it won't ever go away unless things chang in the future. I feel pathetic for wanting someone who rejected me like that.

Edited March 28, 2014 by SinceYou'veBeenGone

[SinceYou'veBeenGone]

I also feel pathetic because of all the times I'd send him a message on fb and he wouldn't even bother to reply. I would still always reach out because I liked him. It was a frustration cycle, but eventually I'd send a text or fb message even though sometimes he took a very long time/days/hours/never to respond. (This is all back a year ago when we were friends.)

[BC1980]

How long have you been NC?

[mantlefan]

You sound a lot like me. It's been 8 months. 3 Months No Relationship Contact. We still have some work contact, and she throws in some personal asides or whatever. I do pretty well at keeping it professional, but I have to delete half of what I write because I want to call her out for lying to me.

 

 

Anyways, everyone I have ever heard that I can recall has agreed that the longer you stay in contact after the BU, the more it messes you up.

 

 

Dating makes me sick too. One of the things I miss about having my ex in my life was having someone to really talk to. Well, what do I want to talk about right now? How much it hurts to realize all of what my ex has done. That's probably even worse than a guy who only wants sex, so maybe you are lucky with those past couple dates.

 

 

Sometimes I don't feel like I am healing. Sometimes I feel like I will only ever want her, and I'll never have anyone I loved as much as her. I will never find anyone who I am attracted to as much as I was to her. But every day, the good times with her get further and further away, and I remember another lie or another time where I was trying to fight for the relationship and she didn't.

 

 

I don't know, maybe I am just being pessimistic that it feels like I am not healing. But at the same time every day I find one more reason why I shouldn't want her back. And I have faith that eventually, those reasons are going to tip the scale. I have faith that someday, I am going to meet someone interesting enough that I would rather talk to her about her than talk to her about how much it hurts to have been betrayed. And maybe also by that time, or a little before, or a little after, it won't hurt anymore.

[DannyCA]

That doesn't make me feel better. I can't go back in time.

 

I didn't realize that hooking up/hanging out with me was his way of seeking closure for himself, making getting over me easier.

 

There was even a time when I saw him checking out other girls when we were "just friends" hanging out. I wasn't sure if it was my imagination or if he really was, but it tore me up inside. Yet, as torn up as I was, I'd still return to his place after and sleep over. I didn't say anything when I saw it.

 

I couldn't turn him down. It was either be sad without him, or hang around him even though I knew he didn't want to be in a relationship with me. He blamed the break up on life circumstances and getting injured, and "other things." Meanwhile the summer (2013) drifted on, I got busy with classes. He made breadcrumb attempts on random Sunday nights to hang out. Then weeks later boom. He made a public announcement on fb of the new relationship. That was one of, if not, the worst feelings in the world. Yet with time it makes that pain subside and I still miss him. I still care about him. If I saw him in person it would mess me up inside.

 

It doesn't make logical sense how I could still want to be with someone that probably doesn't care about me at all and hurt me very badly.

 

I have learned my lesson though for future relationships. No more hanging out after a break up, even if it is months or a long time later. If that person doesn't want a relationship with me and I still feel a strong sense of attraction to them, I have to be strong and not associate with that person anymore.

 

I still feel broken to this day. It's like he put a scar on my heart and it won't ever go away unless things chang in the future. I feel pathetic for wanting someone who rejected me like that.

 

 

Yeah well you can't change what happened in the past so just change what you're doing now. You're not the only one who this has happened to. I haven't talked to my ex since the beginning of January (broke NC which was so stupid.) She hit me up asking if we could be friends, blindly I thought since it's been a year maybe I shouldn't be so hard on her anymore, maybe she isn't the same moody, treacherous, lying snake she has been in the last year. Nope, as soon as I showed interest in being friends like she asked, she went dark on me. Like she had to get the last one up on me even though she broke up with me.

 

So the last two months, I haven't looked at her social media and blocked her completely from those things. I haven't contacted her or anything. I've just been doing my own thing. And honestly I just feel so much better. I've been tempted to look just because, but there is nothing that I will see that will make me feel good.

 

Everyone says just go do your own thing and make yourself the number one priority and everything will be better. It's much easier said than done, but when you actually start doing it, it's really great.

[SinceYou'veBeenGone]

How long have you been NC?

 

 

It's been about 8 months since I last spoke with him. That is when I found out about his new relationship.

Last time we actually hung out was about 10 months ago.

 

It's been long enough that I shouldn't still have him on my mind at all.

[SinceYou'veBeenGone]

as soon as I showed interest in being friends like she asked, she went dark on me. Like she had to get the last one up on me even though she broke up with me.

 

Same thing with me.

 

I've been tempted to look just because, but there is nothing that I will see that will make me feel good.

I looked almost a year ago when the news happened. All it did was get me really sick. I saw what I was replaced with and I felt awful. She seemed like some natural beauty exotic bombshell with super long hair and huge lips and my lips are pretty full. I couldn't eat for a week after that. It completely destroyed me inside and everywhere I walked I felt like I was about to fall apart and land on the floor. The rejection ate at me like a destructible disease. It still kind of does, but it's faded.

 

Everyone says just go do your own thing and make yourself the number one priority and everything will be better. It's much easier said than done, but when you actually start doing it, it's really great.

Hope is what I am counting on. I am scared about the future and how I will get through another year. Sometimes I look back at him with resentment and I think of how good it might feel if I found someone better. It would be a great feeling knowing whatever happens to him doesn't matter if I moved on to something great. But as it stands now I don't see it. My frustration has me at a standstill with dating because I don't even want to be nice to most guys anymore. My career is full and I enjoy other parts of my life. Maybe I need to have more interests but love is one of my main interests.

 

I also wonder how many things bothered him that he never said. It could be physical, small things, scents, knowledge in certain areas, you just don't know how someone is really feeling. Unless they are very blunt/confrontational 24/7 and tell you everything all the time. He wasn't. He was always polite to me.

 

The only thing that sometimes makes me feel better is reminding myself that without gum/mints he sometimes suffered exceptionally bad breath. I think he could of had a gum disease. I noticed it twice. I am very polite but it was an extreme bad scent like some sort of rotten bomb that shouldn't come from a mouth. I couldn't bring myself to blaming his breath. But I politely hinted until he brushed his teeth.

All the other times I was ever with him (even sleeping) since our first date he had gum in his mouth. So I know all his future gf's will have fun with that.

Edited March 29, 2014 by SinceYou'veBeenGone

[RDawg]

He had halitosis?!! Hahaha! That is DISGUSTING. Yeah his new girl must be loving that.

 

Move on babes, keep moving on. Forget the dating, make yourself happy and focus on friends and family. That is all you can do. Be grateful for everything that you have and forget about stinky breath, his life is probably not half as good as what you imagine.

[Omei]

SinceYou'veBeenGone I know how you feel your post was word for word.

my guy didnt even get with someone he just doesn't want me after 5 years.

 

Been a year for me too dating feel wrong yet I want someone no one comes close I know I shouldn't compare

 

I feel broken and betrayed

 

Thought he loved me more than this

 

I feel for you <3 Sorry you're hurting like me its so hard

[Arieswoman]

Sinceyouvebeengone,

I really feel for you because I've been there.

 

I wish I could say something that would make you feel better but sadly I can't, this is something you have to go through alone, like lots of people on this site.

 

No one can compare to my ex. The fact I compare is awful. No one can compare in an attraction scale, chemistry scale, or anything.

 

Yes, they can, and they will.

 

However, while he is still in your mind and heart there is no room for anyone else.

 

In order to heal you need to stay NC.

 

Good Luck.

[SinceYou'veBeenGone]

my guy didnt even get with someone he just doesn't want me after 5 years.

 

I would feel better if that was the case. Being rejected and replaced by someone (a bombshell-improvement) is an even worse feeling. He just didn't want me. If he never got with anyone else then I would feel better, like he just doesn't want anyone.

[SinceYou'veBeenGone]

forget about stinky breath, his life is probably not half as good as what you imagine.

 

HAHA. Thank you for the laugh. I will keep this in my mind.

[BC1980]

It's been about 8 months since I last spoke with him. That is when I found out about his new relationship.

Last time we actually hung out was about 10 months ago.

 

It's been long enough that I shouldn't still have him on my mind at all.

 

Not necessarily. What have you been doing to move forward? Are you still holding out hope and idolizing the relationship? Moving on doesn't just happen with time. It needs to be active.

[btvdts]

Think back to a time before you met him. What made you happy? sometimes people get stuck on someone because they distracted us from our own problems. if you were happy before him, then work on being happy again. you had your own life prior to the relationship and now it's time to get that back. If you weren't happy before him, then that unhappiness just resurfaced and now is the time to figure out what was the cause of it and work on it. time heals everything, but what you have to remember is not to accept living in a "feeling low" type of life. if you do, then you will never let it go.

[SinceYou'veBeenGone]

Are you still holding out hope and idolizing the relationship?

 

There is a small part of me that is though I am trying to let it go.

It surfaces more as I meet more incompatible men who turn me off from dating.

[DannyCA]

I also wonder how many things bothered him that he never said. It could be physical, small things, scents, knowledge in certain areas, you just don't know how someone is really feeling. Unless they are very blunt/confrontational 24/7 and tell you everything all the time. He wasn't. He was always polite to me.

 

It's funny that you say that because after my ex broke up with me I did beg and plea for a little while, but I stopped. She then would then text me randomly saying things like "answer me", "why wont you talk to me", "you're over here acting like nothing is wrong", and things like that. I thought "dang this girl is crazy!" But then she started being more sincere and I thought "yeah well maybe we can be friends now." Nope that was her just suckering me in to see if I still cared and then she went dark on me. It was her just getting the last one up on me like I said earlier.

 

So I think you should know I bet he was thinking about you or whatever and did have some regret. He was just better at hiding it than someone like my ex. But it doesn't matter cause he is a douche and you deserve better. Don't keep him up on that pedestal just because you've had some crappy dates.