Waverly Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 Does anyone else find weekends to be difficult? During the A, and even when we were talking after, it was because our communication was, by necessity, reduced. Now that it's over, it's because I have more free time (not working), which means even more time than usual for me to obsess about everything. On top of that, it's full-on with my husband, so I'm left both trying to put on a happy face for him and my kids, as well as confronting the guilt more. Sigh. Anyone else get the Friday afternoon pit in their stomach? 3
Owl Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 Does anyone else find weekends to be difficult? During the A, and even when we were talking after, it was because our communication was, by necessity, reduced. Now that it's over, it's because I have more free time (not working), which means even more time than usual for me to obsess about everything. On top of that, it's full-on with my husband, so I'm left both trying to put on a happy face for him and my kids, as well as confronting the guilt more. Sigh. Anyone else get the Friday afternoon pit in their stomach? Waverly...nothing is going to change in your marriage until you change it. I resented my wife for "the happy face" once I'd realized that it had all been a lie. The longer you put this off...the greater his hurt and resentment is going to be. Why not use this weekend to start that change? 2
Author Waverly Posted March 28, 2014 Author Posted March 28, 2014 Waverly...nothing is going to change in your marriage until you change it. I resented my wife for "the happy face" once I'd realized that it had all been a lie. The longer you put this off...the greater his hurt and resentment is going to be. Why not use this weekend to start that change? Because I'm scared? I could try to talk my way around it a bit, but that's really what it comes down to. 1
gettingstronger Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 Waverly- how can it be any worse than it already is on your mentally- as of right now you have issues because you miss the OM and because you have deceived your husband and family- The initial shock will be hard but you will have no less thing standing between you and your healthy future-whatever is coming your way is coming-you are driving yourself nuts trying to avoid it all- Take a deep breath and mark a day on your calendar in the near future to talk with your husband-then pick yourself up and enjoy your kids this weekend knowing that you are making progress- Good luck and be gentle and kind to you-
Owl Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 Because I'm scared? I could try to talk my way around it a bit, but that's really what it comes down to. Then pull up your big girl britches, and make things happen. I get that you're scared...you're not stupid or uncaring. As I said before...there will never be a good time for it. YOu'll never be in a position where you WANT to do it, or won't be scared to death when you do. So it's up to you...either do it, or don't ever do it. I've given you the best advice I've got for you. Not much more I can offer until something in your situation changes.
Author Waverly Posted March 28, 2014 Author Posted March 28, 2014 Owl, I always appreciate the responses from you and from gettingstronger. And I swear, I'm not oblivious to the elephant in the room. But sometimes I just am looking for some commiseration... I hope that doesn't come across wrong. I genuinely am SO appreciative of all the advice I've gotten from you and everyone else here.
Owl6118 Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 Owl, I always appreciate the responses from you and from gettingstronger. And I swear, I'm not oblivious to the elephant in the room. But sometimes I just am looking for some commiseration... . There's a very fine line between empathise on the one hand, and commiserate, or validate, or indulge on the other. I think you'll find those of us who are trying to encourage you toward integrity all want to stay to the right side of it. 1
Hope Shimmers Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 It's okay to post just for support and not get advice every single time. That's what this board is supposed to be for. I think people should get advice when they ask for it. 3
inappfriendly Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 The above responses have all been thoughtful, well-meaning and encouraging but...I 100% completely agree. Weekends are abhorrent. They were during A and still are for no fewer than 67 different reasons. Hang tough, Waverly, and TRY to enjoy the next few days! ((Hug)) 2
QuakerOats Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 Because I'm scared? I could try to talk my way around it a bit, but that's really what it comes down to. Waverly, I don't know much about your situation...reading a bit. Exactly what are you afraid of? And what would you "talk your way around?" For the original question...yes, weekends are hard for me. I know my MM is with his W and son and it makes me feel like an island. 2
veritas lux mea Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 While xMM and i communicated most days there was this one time a week every week where we talked for a few hours. Sometimes just chatting and other times *wiggles eyebrows. After the A ended for months that time sucked hardcore. It was an obvious empty void. But it did pass. In my A I was trying very hard to prove I could do both. Have a lover and a husband. So on Sundays, when both of us were off work I devoted 100% of my time to BH. I couldn't let him know about my double life so if he wanted to go for a walk, we went for a walk. That was the hardest. Walking side by side, chatting about anything and everything. Holding hands. He would kiss me and inside me a little piece would die because I knew two days before I sent that naughty picture. I hated myself. So yes I can understand it is hard. Eerything has worked out for me now. I don't miss anything that happened and now, when we walk. I don't feel ashamed to e beside him. 1
nais Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 However, I try to remain busy doing something for me.
veritas lux mea Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 It's okay to post just for support and not get advice every single time. That's what this board is supposed to be for. I think people should get advice when they ask for it. That is never going to happen on this forum. I have learned to just read it all and not chastise people for giving advice. There is nothing wrong with them handing out advice. I can easily skip over it if I want. 1
nais Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 I keep busy doing something for me-I attend Yoga classes on Sunday afternoons, clean house Saturdays....im off Fridays and tonight I may go to a friends for drinks. He may call on Sunday mornings as he often will be alone.
Hope Shimmers Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 That is never going to happen on this forum. I have learned to just read it all and not chastise people for giving advice. There is nothing wrong with them handing out advice. I can easily skip over it if I want. I realize it isn't going to happen, but I do think that people should be able to post just to vent or get support instead of always getting others' opinions on what they should or should not be doing. That's just my own belief. 1
veritas lux mea Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 I realize it isn't going to happen, but I do think that people should be able to post just to vent or get support instead of always getting others' opinions on what they should or should not be doing. That's just my own belief. I have been on enough forums in my life that wishing people didn't offer advice or criticism when not asked is futile and a waste of a wish. It is better to just expect it and report it if it gets nasty.
Hope Shimmers Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 I have been on enough forums in my life that wishing people didn't offer advice or criticism when not asked is futile and a waste of a wish. It is better to just expect it and report it if it gets nasty. I never disagreed with you. My initial post that you responded to was directed at Waverly, the original poster.
William Posted March 29, 2014 Posted March 29, 2014 As the title of this forum indicates, it is a place for support and discussion for those who find themselves involved with a committed partner. Note the use of *and* by LoveShack.org. Either is fine, including unsolicited advice, as long as it is given in a civil and respectful manner and helpful tone. Tone means a lot to moderation. Don't underestimate the value of tone. Thanks and please continue!
Author Waverly Posted March 29, 2014 Author Posted March 29, 2014 Waverly, I don't know much about your situation...reading a bit. Exactly what are you afraid of? And what would you "talk your way around?" For the original question...yes, weekends are hard for me. I know my MM is with his W and son and it makes me feel like an island. Owl is referring to another thread where I was discussing whether or not -- and how -- to tell my husband about my affair. I meant that my reason for not telling him is simply because I'm scared; I can't come up with any other real justification for it, in other words.
Author Waverly Posted March 29, 2014 Author Posted March 29, 2014 William said: As the title of this forum indicates, it is a place for support and discussion for those who find themselves involved with a committed partner. Note the use of *and* by LoveShack.org. Either is fine, including unsolicited advice, as long as it is given in a civil and respectful manner and helpful tone. Tone means a lot to moderation. Don't underestimate the value of tone. Thanks and please continue! Sorry, I wasn't trying to create controversy with my earlier comment. I've certainly requested enough advice here; I know it was being offered on this thread in a constructive way.
Cocochai Posted March 29, 2014 Posted March 29, 2014 Does anyone else find weekends to be difficult? During the A, and even when we were talking after, it was because our communication was, by necessity, reduced. Now that it's over, it's because I have more free time (not working), which means even more time than usual for me to obsess about everything. On top of that, it's full-on with my husband, so I'm left both trying to put on a happy face for him and my kids, as well as confronting the guilt more. Sigh. Anyone else get the Friday afternoon pit in their stomach? Did you recently start NC? What do you think is broken in your M?
SugarHibiscus Posted March 29, 2014 Posted March 29, 2014 Does anyone else find weekends to be difficult? During the A, and even when we were talking after, it was because our communication was, by necessity, reduced. Now that it's over, it's because I have more free time (not working), which means even more time than usual for me to obsess about everything. On top of that, it's full-on with my husband, so I'm left both trying to put on a happy face for him and my kids, as well as confronting the guilt more. Sigh. Anyone else get the Friday afternoon pit in their stomach? The weekends are the worst for me too. Different reasons but still bad. I see him every Saturday. We've fallen into a pattern recently. Every other week is different. One week we sneak away for some alone time and the next weekend we are with our "others" but still together. I dread leaving him the weekends we are alone together. I love being with him in the moment but the possible fallout scares me every single time. The weekends when we are out as friends is also painful because we have to pretend. Pretend we don't know each other like we do. The pretending is the hardest part. (I suppose you could substitute the word lying for pretending.) The entire weekend is a "happy face" for our SO so I can relate. We call it "all eyes on me". We watch our body language, etc. I hate all eyes on me. My poor H. Sunday's we can only talk for a few minutes. It sucks. I wait for Monday mornings when we do a recap of the weekend and look forward to the week ahead.
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