ladybug028 Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 So I began dating this guy in January. We instantly fell for each other and things moved fast. He moved in about a month later and everything was GREAT! Two weeks ago after being away for work, he texted me to say he needed space because he thought we moved too fast. I agreed that we did move fast but he was the one pushing it. He was the first to say "I love you" and asked to move in. The day before he ended things, he was texting me saying he missed me and couldn't wait to be home. I'm so confused because it took him two weeks to move out and I basically had to tell him we were not roommates and that he needed to go. Since making him leave, we've talked a few times but he is upset because I actually think he wasn't planning to leave yet wanted to be single. The only reason he could give me for ending things was that he needed to work on being a better person so he needed to be alone for awhile. He swears he didn't cheat and says he respects me too much to stay and not give the relationship his all. My biggest question is how does someone go from being in love one day to ending things the next. Something must've influenced his decision but I'm tired of trying to figure it out! Thanks for the advice:)
Weallwalkthelongroad Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 I'm interested in this too...my ex and I were in a similar situation. One day everything was fine, and we probably did move a little too fast. But it does take two to tango. I never dropped the L bomb on her nor did we move in with each other. However, she decided to go cold on me and became very distant. The only reason she had was that she needed to be alone. Regardless, I walked away from that relationship because I wasnt going to be her doormat. I let a month go by with NC at all and decided to send a text last night to ask how she was and to ask about about an upcoming surgery she has planned for her ankle. To my surprise, I received a response about 20 minutes after my inital text. I sent one more text and ended it right there as I was going to bed. Not saying this means anything but it was nice to actually hear from her.
Zahara Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 My biggest question is how does someone go from being in love one day to ending things the next. Something must've influenced his decision but I'm tired of trying to figure it out! Thanks for the advice:) Getting caught up in the honeymoon period only to feel completely detached when reality sets in is what often happens when one moves the relationship quick and fast. And when one moves the relationship quick and fast, it's not coming from a place of emotional health and maturity. I don't think he was in love with you but in love with the idea of being in love. In love with the rush of feelings, the idea of finding the one, the newness of it, the fantasy. If he was in love with YOU, of the true sense, with depth, coming from an emotionally healthy place, then it would be progressing instead of depleting. The fact that he stated that he NOW has to work on being a better person is an indication to you that 1) he's using an excuse to back out 2) he realizes that there is an issue within him. Both not good. 1
4everalones Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 My biggest question is how does someone go from being in love one day to ending things the next The answer is: he was NOT in love. You can't really fall in love that fast. It's infatuation generated by the release of endorphin and oxytocin. We all experience that at the beginning of the relationship (which is referred to as the "honeymoon phase"). In certain relationships, it's so strong that it's confused with love. Let this be a lesson to you, relationships that move too fast at the very beginning usually crash as fast as they started. Next time, take your time to get to know the person before making any major decisions (I learned the hard way!). As for this guy, let him go. He's obviously not mature enough and got freaked out when things got serious. 1
Author ladybug028 Posted March 28, 2014 Author Posted March 28, 2014 I'm interested in this too...my ex and I were in a similar situation. One day everything was fine, and we probably did move a little too fast. But it does take two to tango. I never dropped the L bomb on her nor did we move in with each other. However, she decided to go cold on me and became very distant. The only reason she had was that she needed to be alone. Regardless, I walked away from that relationship because I wasnt going to be her doormat. I let a month go by with NC at all and decided to send a text last night to ask how she was and to ask about about an upcoming surgery she has planned for her ankle. To my surprise, I received a response about 20 minutes after my inital text. I sent one more text and ended it right there as I was going to bed. Not saying this means anything but it was nice to actually hear from her. Sorry you are going thru the same thing. I texted him last night after not talking to him in 2 days. I just asked how he was doing and he replied "good, going on a job then we have two more after this one." I reminded him that he still had things at my place to pick up but his answer was, "k" So frustrating!
Author ladybug028 Posted March 28, 2014 Author Posted March 28, 2014 Getting caught up in the honeymoon period only to feel completely detached when reality sets in is what often happens when one moves the relationship quick and fast. And when one moves the relationship quick and fast, it's not coming from a place of emotional health and maturity. I don't think he was in love with you but in love with the idea of being in love. In love with the rush of feelings, the idea of finding the one, the newness of it, the fantasy. If he was in love with YOU, of the true sense, with depth, coming from an emotionally healthy place, then it would be progressing instead of depleting. The fact that he stated that he NOW has to work on being a better person is an indication to you that 1) he's using an excuse to back out 2) he realizes that there is an issue within him. Both not good. Thanks so much for your response. I can't fix "us" so I have an issue to work on myself.
Zahara Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 Sorry you are going thru the same thing. I texted him last night after not talking to him in 2 days. I just asked how he was doing and he replied "good, going on a job then we have two more after this one." I reminded him that he still had things at my place to pick up but his answer was, "k" So frustrating! You need to stop contacting him. Get his things delivered and start moving on. You won't be able to have a healthy and nurturing relationship with someone that behaves this way. You're already frustrated because he sounds indifferent. This is what you will have to deal with if you carry on holding out for him. Push pull hot cold.
Author ladybug028 Posted March 28, 2014 Author Posted March 28, 2014 You need to stop contacting him. Get his things delivered and start moving on. You won't be able to have a healthy and nurturing relationship with someone that behaves this way. You're already frustrated because he sounds indifferent. This is what you will have to deal with if you carry on holding out for him. Push pull hot cold. Thanks! Just needed confirmation I guess:)
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