Cooking and household skills vs having a career (in a woman)

March 29, 2014

I'm a career woman and I'm a good cook because I enjoy it. Regardless whether I eat by myself or with company, I'll rustle something up and because I exercise a lot it's usually protein and carb rich so men tend to like it. I have my own recipes too.

Good ironing skills too, especially when it matters (dress shirts!) and I love a clean kitchen and bathroom but I hate hoovering and dusting and all that so I pay someone to do it. A pretty good balance I'd think.

I like men that have a similar view, most guys I date tend to cook and they don't look spastically hepless with a pile of dirty laundry in front of them either (please boys, none of these things are rocket science). I think in this day and age with cheap cleaners, washing machines, dish washers, etc it's pretty easy to live in a civilised set up. No excuses really.

March 29, 2014

I'm going to start learning more in the kitchen. Yeah nothing bad with doing both at the same time; being great in domestic skills and having a career.

A bit of background about me: many of my family members are hispanics and the ones in the older generation, hold traditional gender roles. The younger female members are like me, more career-minded. I was born elsewhere but raised in the US since I was 4.

March 29, 2014

Are people really that limited or is it that they limit themselves because of stereotypes?

For me it's mainly due to limited time and maybe not too interested in cooking every day. I wouldn't mind switching turns in the kitchen though and then on a Sunday, I imagine both of us going out to eat.

March 29, 2014

I disagree that people can make a great meal by following a recipe...Whats considered "good" is highly subjective..Its not that easy...My mother is an absolutely phenomenal cook...She throws things together and never once followed a recipe...Its an "art" that very few people can say they have...

Most men love a "domestic" and traditional woman...The problem is that it seems like the womens movement and feminism have frowned upon this and made it look like if a woman embraces this type of lifestyle she is weak and "isnt following the program"....Thats fine...But then dont be upset if a lot of men just dont want to play along with this...

Like I cant believe the way that some people decide to raise kids..The guy makes enough to support the family(maybe with a few cutbacks)..but the woman does not want to give up their career...So they shuttle their kids to daycare, where they are being raised by total strangers from 7AM to 7PM...They pick them up and put them to sleep....Great...

TFY

March 29, 2014

I disagree that people can make a great meal by following a recipe...Whats considered "good" is highly subjective..Its not that easy...My mother is an absolutely phenomenal cook...She throws things together and never once followed a recipe...Its an "art" that very few people can say they have...

Yeah some women are just natural cooks. I can do stuff that aren't complicated (I think I would rate myself a 4/5 out of 10 in that, which is better than the ones who can't even fry an egg) but if he were asking for something elaborated, I would have to go to google and memorize most of the recipe. This can take a bit of time too.

March 29, 2014

Like I cant believe the way that some people decide to raise kids..The guy makes enough to support the family(maybe with a few cutbacks)..but the woman does not want to give up their career...So they shuttle their kids to daycare, where they are being raised by total strangers from 7AM to 7PM...They pick them up and put them to sleep....Great...

Or maybe the woman can work part time or choose which days to work; doesn't necessarily have to permanently quit her career.

March 29, 2014

I disagree that people can make a great meal by following a recipe...Whats considered "good" is highly subjective..Its not that easy...My mother is an absolutely phenomenal cook...She throws things together and never once followed a recipe...Its an "art" that very few people can say they have...

Most men love a "domestic" and traditional woman...The problem is that it seems like the womens movement and feminism have frowned upon this and made it look like if a woman embraces this type of lifestyle she is weak and "isnt following the program"....Thats fine...But then dont be upset if a lot of men just dont want to play along with this...

Like I cant believe the way that some people decide to raise kids..The guy makes enough to support the family(maybe with a few cutbacks)..but the woman does not want to give up their career...So they shuttle their kids to daycare, where they are being raised by total strangers from 7AM to 7PM...They pick them up and put them to sleep....Great...

TFY

Hmm... Women always worked hard and were divided between working and family. My grandparents started a family after WWII. My granfather worked the whole day like crazy, my grandmother never "went to work". However, she had to take care of their fields and crops (very hard job), animals, make food, tins, cheese (no grocery stores that sold everything), the housework (no appliances), was a part time sewer, AND had to figure out what to do with the children because there weren't kindergardens back then. She worked just as hard as my grandfather. She kept an eye on the kids playing around while she was sweating her a$$ off and couldnt really pay attention to them, or left them with an elder relative/neighbour. They came out with extremely good values though, my grandmother herself was raised the same way and her and her siblings were true saints, full of compassion and kindness. Some men have no idea how difficult it can be for women to find a balance.

March 29, 2014

Cooking and household skills vs having a career (in a woman)

All else being equal, I want (that's a preference) a partner who can work next to me, and competently, with regards to domestic skills and household management. I figure, if I can do it, and still be quite competent and skilled in my line of work, so can she, if she chooses to have a 'career'. I don't see it as either/or.

That said, my observations have been that most long lived M's are where one partner 'needs' what the other partner brings to the table and would be lost without it. I'm seeing that right now with various friends getting cancer and marriages changing with one spouse or the other becoming a carer and responsibilities changing. Perhaps 'need', or lack thereof, in my own M, was one facet of its downfall. I didn't 'need' my exW enough, either for her career or her household skills. There's no doubt I valued them highly, and shared that with her, but never really expressed 'need', like I couldn't live without her, since most assuredly I could, and do now and did before. Sometimes delivery is as important as substance. Sometimes.

March 29, 2014

Hmm... Women always worked hard and were divided between working and family. My grandparents started a family after WWII. My granfather worked the whole day like crazy, my grandmother never "went to work". However, she had to take care of their fields and crops (very hard job), animals, make food, tins, cheese (no grocery stores that sold everything), the housework (no appliances), was a part time sewer, AND had to figure out what to do with the children because there weren't kindergardens back then. She worked just as hard as my grandfather. She kept an eye on the kids playing around while she was sweating her a$$ off and couldnt really pay attention to them, or left them with an elder relative/neighbour. They came out with extremely good values though, my grandmother herself was raised the same way and her and her siblings were true saints, full of compassion and kindness. Some men have no idea how difficult it can be for women to find a balance.

Where did I say it was easy to raise a kid??

Thankfully we arent using washboards and outhouses anymore... Everyone had it harder then...It has no bearing on what is happening today...A lot of what is happening today has a lot to do with narcissism and selfishness and nothing to do with sacrifice for the greater good...And the kids are the ones that suffer..

TFY

March 29, 2014

Or maybe the woman can work part time or choose which days to work; doesn't necessarily have to permanently quit her career.

That's what I chose. It worked out for us.

I've seen women criticized no matter what choice she makes. She's wrong to work, she's wrong not to work. Can't please everyone. Best for the couple to do what works for them.

Not to mention that it isn't always a choice. With job loss so common in this economy, having two jobs (his and hers) might just be insurance.

March 29, 2014

Like any skill we'd like to improve or master, it takes time, patience, and practice. Start with something simple and as you get more comfortable in the kitchen gradually increase the complexity. Yes, you can cook excellent meals following recipes. A lot of dishes can be adjusted and seasoned to your personal palate, using the recipe as a guideline. But, there are a lot of things that require exact measurements and ratios. Consider your ingredients carefully and be selective with the quality.

March 29, 2014

Where did I say it was easy to raise a kid??

Thankfully we arent using washboards and outhouses anymore... Everyone had it harder then...It has no bearing on what is happening today...A lot of what is happening today has a lot to do with narcissism and selfishness and nothing to do with sacrifice for the greater good...And the kids are the ones that suffer..

TFY

Life today is not simpler, neither easier. It has other complexities and difficulties, mostly when it comes to values and human relationships.

I agree that selfish people should not start families, but then you see unselfish people who hardly have time to ask their children if they studied for school, because they are so busy working and taking care of things. I know many people who work all day, so their children have a chance to go to the university 10 years later. I know families where only the man was working, and then he got fired and cant find a new job because he is 55. And the woman of course has no job experience. In the country I live in, its essential for both people to work, and be truly indispensable to their employers, so they can keep their jobs. Something has to be sacrificed most of the times.

Now, about the people who work very high status jobs. I have worked with their children, in one of the best private schools in my area. I saw some children that had excellent manners, but were truly neglected emotionally. Some "busy" parents never bothered to come and ask about their childrens' progress. The children had so many opportunities for self growth in their school though, that I never, ever dared to dream about.

It's hard to have everything I think. One has to be realistic and do their best. And not to start a family for the wrong reasons of course.

March 29, 2014

Yeah some women are just natural cooks.

Yes, some PEOPLE are just natural cooks.

March 29, 2014

Life today is not simpler, neither easier. It has other complexities and difficulties, mostly when it comes to values and human relationships.

I agree that selfish people should not start families, but then you see unselfish people who hardly have time to ask their children if they studied for school, because they are so busy working and taking care of things. I know many people who work all day, so their children have a chance to go to the university 10 years later. I know families where only the man was working, and then he got fired and cant find a new job because he is 55. And the woman of course has no job experience. In the country I live in, its essential for both people to work, and be truly indispensable to their employers, so they can keep their jobs. Something has to be sacrificed most of the times.

Now, about the people who work very high status jobs. I have worked with their children, in one of the best private schools in my area. I saw some children that had excellent manners, but were truly neglected emotionally. Some "busy" parents never bothered to come and ask about their childrens' progress. The children had so many opportunities for self growth in their school though, that I never, ever dared to dream about.

It's hard to have everything I think. One has to be realistic and do their best. And not to start a family for the wrong reasons of course.

One could argue that those people are just as selfish....Why bring kids into the world if you have no time for them??...hmmmm...Ill say it again..There is zero point in having kids if both parents are working tirelessly...What the hell is the point? So those parents wind up spendlng their only day off trying to cram a weeks worth of "experience" into their poor childrens lives..No good..

TFY

Edited March 29, 2014 by thefooloftheyear

March 29, 2014

One could argue that those people are just as selfish....Why bring kids into the world if you have no time for them??...hmmmm...Ill say it again..There is zero point in having kids if both parents are working tirelessly...What the hell is the point? So those parents wind up spendlng their only day off trying to cram a weeks worth of "experience" into their poor shildrens lives..No good..

TFY

The people who do that, do it in order for their children to have a better life. I never thought of my own parents as selfish. At least in my country, most parents pay:

a) At least 6 years private tutoring of foreign languages (english, and sometimes a second foreign language) for each child. In most schools foreign languages are not taught sufficiently.

b) Private tutors for high school subjects because the school system *sucks*

c) Most of the times they pay for their children's postsecondary education and their expenses, student loans are rarely used.

That's how it is, here. Maybe it's a cultural difference The parents feel that they have to have money aside for their children. I personally think this is very responsible and selfless.

March 29, 2014

I can clean for myself.

But it's pretty much a must that my wife would be a good cook.

My ex was an amazing cook. It was such a huge change to actually have a good home cooked meal versus the usually stuff I make.

March 29, 2014

I can clean for myself.

But it's pretty much a must that my wife would be a good cook.

My ex was an amazing cook. It was such a huge change to actually have a good home cooked meal versus the usually stuff I make.

Why not learn to cook yourself? That way you can have a home cooked meal whenever you want one.

I can cook well, without recipes. But I've cooked on average 25+ dinners a month, for the past 20 years I was not a good cook when I got married! I became a good cook through practice.

My mother, too, has stories of what a lousy cook she was when she was young. And she's an amazing cook.

Most of the time, despite my ability to make something really delicious, we eat simple meals that can be cooked quickly....because we work and we have two kids. Yes, I was home to cook meals when they were young, but then I was spending time with the kids, not ignoring them while I cooked for hours. And now they are in school, I'm at work, and then there is sports practice and homework, and dinner gets squeezed in. Always home cooked, always healthy, but very basic. I promise, anyone here could learn to make these meals, regardless of talent.

When it comes time for an amazing meal, luckily my H also has a few great dishes that he can make to treat me sometimes. He makes the food of his culture, such a treat, and just like my mother-in-law makes. I'm so grateful he made the effort to pay attention and learn.

Sons and daughters alike should be taught to cook. These are just basic life skills, closely tied with health and financial management.

March 29, 2014

Why not learn to cook yourself? That way you can have a home cooked meal whenever you want one.

Sons and daughters alike should be taught to cook. These are just basic life skills, closely tied with health and financial management.

My ex was taught to cook as a child. I wasn't. She's also Italian and, just wow.

Cooking is a skill that takes time to learn and must be practiced.

For me, I don't have the patience, motivation or even the desire to learn how to cook, when only I am going to be eating. It's just too depressing.

My ex helped me learn to cook a few dishes and I enjoyed cooking with her.

But I'm just not going anything that requires more than 10 minutes or effort if I'm the only one who is going to eat it.

Hopefully I can find another woman who has similar cooking skills as my ex.

March 30, 2014

Horses for courses I suppose but I would struggle to respect a man who couldn't look after himself and wasn't able to cook meals that nourished him and gave him the sort of flavours he enjoyed. There is no point in arguing about what a 'good cook' is since everyone's idea is different and some prefer more simple foods while others like complexity. I think it's silly and probably impossible to compare.

At the end of the day a lot of this comes down to laziness. Any grown ass person should be able to fully look after themselves. You are an adult, act like one.

March 30, 2014

My ex was taught to cook as a child. I wasn't. She's also Italian and, just wow.

Cooking is a skill that takes time to learn and must be practiced.

For me, I don't have the patience, motivation or even the desire to learn how to cook, when only I am going to be eating. It's just too depressing.

My ex helped me learn to cook a few dishes and I enjoyed cooking with her.

But I'm just not going anything that requires more than 10 minutes or effort if I'm the only one who is going to eat it.

Hopefully I can find another woman who has similar cooking skills as my ex.

Er... no. Cooking takes no time or practice.

I never learned how to cook. My mom never taught me and I never had the need to cook. Until I moved out. And even then, my mom would make food on sundays and I'd go for dinner and leave the house with tupperwares galore full of food for the whole week.

But sometimes I just wanted something different. So I made it myself.

I had no idea how to cook pasta. When online. Turns out it's the easiest thing ever! Same with steak!

And there are a lot of other things that are just as easy and nice.

Now, I don't cook complex stuff. Certainly not for myself! But what's easier than throwing some pasta in the pan and some chicken finger in the oven?

March 30, 2014

I think our definitions of cooking differ a little. That's OK, though. If you can consistently grill a steak to your preferred temp and taste you are off to a great start!

March 30, 2014

Er... no. Cooking takes no time or practice.
I never learned how to cook. My mom never taught me and I never had the need to cook. Until I moved out. And even then, my mom would make food on sundays and I'd go for dinner and leave the house with tupperwares galore full of food for the whole week.

But sometimes I just wanted something different. So I made it myself.
I had no idea how to cook pasta. When online. Turns out it's the easiest thing ever! Same with steak!
And there are a lot of other things that are just as easy and nice.

Now, I don't cook complex stuff. Certainly not for myself! But what's easier than throwing some pasta in the pan and some chicken finger in the oven?

Uh, I'm talking about stuff more complicated than boiling pasta and throwing chicken fingers in the oven.

When my ex made spaghetti, she made the sauce from scratch. Then she made a salad and did the dressing from scratch as well.

It was restaurant quality food.

March 30, 2014

The people who do that, do it in order for their children to have a better life. I never thought of my own parents as selfish. At least in my country, most parents pay:

a) At least 6 years private tutoring of foreign languages (english, and sometimes a second foreign language) for each child. In most schools foreign languages are not taught sufficiently.
b) Private tutors for high school subjects because the school system *sucks*
c) Most of the times they pay for their children's postsecondary education and their expenses, student loans are rarely used.

That's how it is, here. Maybe it's a cultural difference The parents feel that they have to have money aside for their children. I personally think this is very responsible and selfless.

What country are you from if you don't mind me asking ?

PS: Some of those points are pretty close to my experience in my own country.

March 30, 2014

It isn't easy to find a restaurant that cooks restaurant quality food around here anymore. Trying to pass off re heating prepackaged, frozen crap as cooking seems to be taking over the restaurant industry, too.

March 30, 2014

Can't some of us be both ?

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Cooking and household skills vs having a career (in a woman)

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