Moose Posted January 31, 2005 Posted January 31, 2005 Moose, if you'd been to a good counsellor, and if you'd listened to what you were being told, you would have been taught how to communicate. No matter how you like to excuse your behaviour earlier by the fact that you're not so bad now, I still think yours was a very dysfunctional relationship. Well, Moi, apparently the councelour wasn't very good now was she? You can fork out all the money you want, it'll come down to learning how to talk to each other like intellegent adults. "Knee to Knee, you to me" is always the best way.....if you're not familiar with this exercise, I'd be more than happy to PM you with it.
li'l bunny Posted January 31, 2005 Posted January 31, 2005 I do appreciate all the advice and am accepting it, it just really irritates me when people say i should accept it rather than work on it. Anyway, most of you seem to be american, I am not. I don't understand alot of the abbreviations you use I have to admit. I see LOL alot and what does PM mean? Even when i text I prefer to use the entire word! So, I am heeding the advice, some of I don't agree with but I do believe that my hubby and i both need to compromise on this not just me.
Elmo Posted January 31, 2005 Posted January 31, 2005 Quote: You say men don't want a nagging mother, well he wouldn't have a nagging mother if he didn't expect me to act like his mother, get him out of bed for work, clean his clothes, make his dinner. Men should grow up, women stay at home to look after the children, men are not children so they should stop bloody well acting like children. I don't even take that cr*p from my son who is four. He tidies up his own room and he puts his clothes in the laundry basket when he puts on his pjs. You ssaying I shouldn't be teching my son these basic steps????Quote Right. Men DON'T want a nagging mommy. He's a grown man. Treat him as such. Make sure you have an alarm clock...and tell him that he has made it clear to you that he is a grown up. So, here is the alarm clock, it is up to you to figure it out, set the alarm and get up...IF YOU WANT TO. Start treating this man like an adult. It is his responsibility to get up on time. It is yours to take care of the kids and cleaning, and house. Start a part time job...bring in some money...you will have more bargaining chips. Still...if the dirty floor is driving you nuts on the weekend...and your grown, adult husband doesn't care....clean it yourself. I'm still curious about the self whipping episodes. Could you clue us in? I think alot of us are worried about the kids and yourself.
li'l bunny Posted January 31, 2005 Posted January 31, 2005 Yeah, it sounds alot worse than it really is. He's very quiet when he's out so people find it hard to believe he has a bad temper. The whipping thing only happened once, the rest of the time is usually a fist through the wall or sometimes he headbutts the door or table or something. I always thought it was odd. When we first got married I was really annoyed at him and I told him I really hated him sometimes - obviously I didn't actually mean it people say things like that in the heat of arguments - well he smashed up the baby's cot, don't worry the baby wasn't in it or anywhere near it. The whipping started because we were arguing over something totally ridiculous (I actually don't remember what now) but I know I told him that it was convenient he couldn't remember something or other and he flipped. I got angrier and I told him if he kept getting angry I would leave him, he then went upstairs headbutted a hole in the door, took off his belt and whipped him several times on his back. He had big red marks on his back where the buckle hit him and I can tell you I felt awful. He said he hated himself. I told him to get help. i do worry about this, alot. I don't really know who to talk to because it's not as if he's angry all the time, in fact it only occurs on the rare occasion and if I don't provoke him he doesn't get angry.
Elmo Posted January 31, 2005 Posted January 31, 2005 I think you should schedule an apt. with your family doctor. GO ALONE. Explain what your husband has done to himself, regarding the whipping. The doctor will give you better advise than we all here ever could. It is not normal for a grown man to take a belt to his back. Pls help him and your family by seeking help. I have a feeling the rest of your problems are minor to what is tormenting your husband.
li'l bunny Posted January 31, 2005 Posted January 31, 2005 Thank you Elmo. I know you're probably right, and in fact it is his temper more than anything else I shout about. I didn't mean to bring it up. It's one of the reasons I haven't talked to anyone about it, he would be so upset if he found out. He is a very private person. But I will go regardless because children learn behavioural patterns and I would certainly not like them growing up doing that.
Elmoa Posted February 1, 2005 Posted February 1, 2005 Originally posted by li'l bunny Thank you Elmo. I know you're probably right, and in fact it is his temper more than anything else I shout about. I didn't mean to bring it up. It's one of the reasons I haven't talked to anyone about it, he would be so upset if he found out. He is a very private person. But I will go regardless because children learn behavioural patterns and I would certainly not like them growing up doing that. Good girl. Make that apointment with your family doctor today and confide in him/her. They hear this stuff all the time...people have problems of all sorts. The Dr. will set you on the right path. You are right about the kids seeing and immitating the behaviors. The boy will pick up that being a bully works and the girl will probably immulate you by screaming back and such...or feel that girls aren't as good as guys. You are their mommy so you have to end this stuff now. It is not to late and just think....it will probably improve your family so much. Good luck.
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