Atticus9292012 Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 I keep dating guys who are really shy about texting and calling. When I was single before if a guy liked you, they called and texted. Now, a lot of guys straight up refuse to talk on the phone and exclusively text (I absolutely hate that). Maybe its not really a big deal. If the guys always responds to attempts at communication, and they suggest dates, when we spend time together its great, I guess it doesn't matter if I am doing more of the initiating of communication? I guess it just feels weird for me. I am a single mom and have started dating again. I'm 26. I got married, kind of young. We met at 21. Married at 23. Baby by 25. I just graduated law school and took the bar exam last month (patiently awaiting my results). I say all that, because I kind of wonder if its me. I have also considered that its my generation or maybe things are different now? Maybe its just guys not knowing how to handle the single mom thing? Maybe I am doing something wrong? I have been told I am intimidating. I am a very type A personality. I am not afraid to initiate and pursue someone up to a point. If they don't seem to chase back I usually give up. Just curious if anyone has noticed this too or maybe its me....?
Sweetnothing Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 No guy is too shy to text. Texting is the most impersonal, noncommittal, brainless form of communication. Guys don't sit there agonizing over texting a girl if he likes her. He'll just do it. I know we women love to believe the excuses we make for why he's not calling or texting to avoid reality. 99.9% of the time if he likes you, he'll contact you. You don't need to chase him, you don't need to remind him that you exist, you just match his level of effort and no more. 4
soccerrprp Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 My gf had the same thought about me early on in our dating. She was convinced that I wouldn't or didn't like to talk on the phone b/c I was a guy. We're both in our mid-40s, so is this a MAN-thing or more a recent man-thing? Ladies, do you notice this to be common? Guys, what are your thoughts?
Sweetnothing Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 My gf had the same thought about me early on in our dating. She was convinced that I wouldn't or didn't like to talk on the phone b/c I was a guy. We're both in our mid-40s, so is this a MAN-thing or more a recent man-thing? Ladies, do you notice this to be common? Guys, what are your thoughts? The whole "guys don't like talking on the phone" thing is BS. Guys that feed you that line are making a preemptive strike against confrontation. Hell, I've used that line myself when a guy I'm not interested in asks for my number. "Yeah you can text me, but I'm super busy I don't check my phone much" and yes it's mean, but if someone's being really pushy you just want them off your back. Go to ANY bar/club/restaurant/mall and observe. Guys are just as attached to their phones as girls. They text and facebook people they want to talk to. So maybe a guy doesn't wanna have a 30 minute conversation about how b*tchy your supervisor is or whether you should paint your toenails turquoise or sea foam green, but he'll let you know if he's thinking about you. It's REALLY simple. 1
soccerrprp Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 The whole "guys don't like talking on the phone" thing is BS. Guys that feed you that line are making a preemptive strike against confrontation. Hell, I've used that line myself when a guy I'm not interested in asks for my number. "Yeah you can text me, but I'm super busy I don't check my phone much" and yes it's mean, but if someone's being really pushy you just want them off your back. Go to ANY bar/club/restaurant/mall and observe. Guys are just as attached to their phones as girls. They text and facebook people they want to talk to. So maybe a guy doesn't wanna have a 30 minute conversation about how b*tchy your supervisor is or whether you should paint your toenails turquoise or sea foam green, but he'll let you know if he's thinking about you. It's REALLY simple. Every time my gf calls and tells me about her day, complaints, etc. she apologizes. I keep telling her that it's okay and that I'm there for her when she wants to talk. She always thinks she's telling me too much and keeping me on the phone. But I tell her every time that I'm not adverse to talking on the phone as much as she thinks I am. It's getting better. BTW, love turquoise and sea foam green. I could easily have a 5-min conversation about either. Lol! 1
J21 Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 I mean yea sometimes guys might get nervous trying to get the ball rolling, (I know I'm a little nervous the first time calling) but after a few times it should get easier and easier--if it doesn't then something is up. Honestly, if a guy is interested, he will text and call. I enjoy talking on the phone before going to bed if it is with a girl I am interested in.
Author Atticus9292012 Posted March 28, 2014 Author Posted March 28, 2014 Well, this is seriously the scenario I run into. This is an example: Meet guy. We go on dates. They contact me a lot at first and things are going swimmingly. Then it kind of tapers off. I pick up my texting more and they always respond and still want to see me. The last guy this happened with, after a couple weeks of this I just assumed he met someone else and stopped texting and calling altogether. After a few days I get a text saying something like "where have you been stranger." This particular guy I actually spoke to him about it and he said "I think about you all the time, I'm just weird with the phone." I think in his presence I saw his phone a total of 5 times. He wasn't hiding it or anything. He just seriously was never on it. I'd chock this up to a weird aloof guy or he's playing me, but I seriously keep running into this. Its like they get lazy or something after awhile......
J21 Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 Well, this is seriously the scenario I run into. This is an example: Meet guy. We go on dates. They contact me a lot at first and things are going swimmingly. Then it kind of tapers off. I pick up my texting more and they always respond and still want to see me. The last guy this happened with, after a couple weeks of this I just assumed he met someone else and stopped texting and calling altogether. After a few days I get a text saying something like "where have you been stranger." This particular guy I actually spoke to him about it and he said "I think about you all the time, I'm just weird with the phone." I think in his presence I saw his phone a total of 5 times. He wasn't hiding it or anything. He just seriously was never on it. I'd chock this up to a weird aloof guy or he's playing me, but I seriously keep running into this. Its like they get lazy or something after awhile...... I think not seeing someone's phone during a date is a good thing, so don't give him too much credit that he's aloof with his phone. Granted that this person may not be attached to his phone--he still has one. At the end of the day he can still text/call you if he's "thinking about you all the time". I think you should trust your instincts.
GemmaUK Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 The last three men I have dated have been the opposite and it was constant texts and calls plus emails too if I hadn't been able yet to respond to a text. I couldn't keep up. It drove me round the twist. These were late 30's early 40's men so maybe there's a difference between age groups these days?
d0nnivain Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 If you prefer to be called over being texted, tell the guy that. A good guy will honor your preference. Texting has it's place for quick notes: running late? Where in this massive space are you; I can't hear my phone? 1
Mo_Do Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 If its online dating you're doing, a phone call is a must before meeting. It'll help you get a better understanding of who you're meeting up with, on both sides. I've met women before that were so different in person compared to what they'd been in text/emails that the in-person "who the hell is this" shock can be crazy. I can't name one date where it went good after that.... After a phone call you'll be like "ok, i know her type".
Sweetnothing Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 Well, this is seriously the scenario I run into. This is an example: Meet guy. We go on dates. They contact me a lot at first and things are going swimmingly. Then it kind of tapers off. I pick up my texting more and they always respond and still want to see me. Ok here's where you're going wrong. I'm not saying you can never initiate texts with a guy, but it should NOT be to see if he's still interested. If a guy's texting tapers off he HAS NOT forgotten about you!!! You don't need to remind him you exist. He knows you exist. He knows how to reach you. He knows how to ask you on a date. I'm sure you've heard the tennis analogy about communication. You hit the ball into how court and wait for him to hit it back. You don't keep hitting more tennis balls to see if he wants to play. If you initiate a conversation, even if he gets the last word, the ball is in his court. Wait for him to initiate. You made a clear sign of interest. There is nothing confusing about your intentions so don't think "maybe he's shy" "maybe he doesn't know I like him...I'll text him again" RELAX. Give the guy some room to come to you.
Gaeta Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 Last man I dated was 46 and very early he said he preferred to hear my voice than typing. I also preferred to hear his voice. The current man I am dating is 36. He NEVER picks the phone to call me *sigh* it's text text text. He even used text instead of phone to let me know he had an accident and was at the hospital...c'mon! I stopped the non sense there and started calling him instead of replying by text. Yes I definitely think it's a generation thing to a certain point. That being said, you sound like a young woman with her life on the right track, smart and grounded, maybe you should try dating more mature men than the one your age.
MissBee Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 I keep dating guys who are really shy about texting and calling. When I was single before if a guy liked you, they called and texted. Now, a lot of guys straight up refuse to talk on the phone and exclusively text (I absolutely hate that). Maybe its not really a big deal. If the guys always responds to attempts at communication, and they suggest dates, when we spend time together its great, I guess it doesn't matter if I am doing more of the initiating of communication? I guess it just feels weird for me. I am a single mom and have started dating again. I'm 26. I got married, kind of young. We met at 21. Married at 23. Baby by 25. I just graduated law school and took the bar exam last month (patiently awaiting my results). I say all that, because I kind of wonder if its me. I have also considered that its my generation or maybe things are different now? Maybe its just guys not knowing how to handle the single mom thing? Maybe I am doing something wrong? I have been told I am intimidating. I am a very type A personality. I am not afraid to initiate and pursue someone up to a point. If they don't seem to chase back I usually give up. Just curious if anyone has noticed this too or maybe its me....? We're the same age. I abhor it when I don't know a man well and he only wants to text me. I lose interest pretty quickly when that happens. But the good news is that there are men out there who still know how to call and make plans and you simply have to be fine with realizing many aren't that way and only invest in those who will meet you at that level. I've been told I'm intimidating too, but the type of men I want to date anyway will not see me as intimidating to where they won't approach. Example, my current boyfriend said he knew he had to come with his act correct because I wasn't any old girl who would accept anything. I appreciated that and that's the vibe I WANT to give off and the attitude I want a man to have when he's thinking of approaching me. He also had no problems calling, making our first date 2 weeks in advance and showing his interest. I was online dating and majority of it was a waste of time and before him I had one decent date, but I knew what I wanted and what I would and wouldn't put up with and I got someone who meets my expectations, so it's very much possible and I honestly don't believe you have to lower your standards, esp with something as basic as calls, in order to meet someone. I don't have a problem in initiating but I do prefer a man to take the lead esp in the early stages and to put his cards on the table and court me in a sense and that's also very much something you can have if you prefer that and you don't need to settle for anything less than that.
HappyLove Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 I noticed when OLDing the men even in their 40's all they ever did was text! Never called. I think it's just the easy lazy thing for them to do. I went along with it but I have noticed they ended up being shady and flaky a waste if time so I wouldn't do that again.
Chico333 Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 With OLD the guys I've interacted with only ever text. I'm not big into talking on the phone so I didn't mind, but if you prefer the phone and communicate that to them and they still don't do it then that's just a lazy guy who isn't worth your time.
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