Nickyg Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 (edited) So my ex gf and I broke up about 2 months ago. It was not terrible, she cried a lot (although she did it) and told me we should be friends. I told her I'm never friends with an ex and that I wouldn't talk to her again. Time goes on and her birthday comes up so I text her "happy birthday." Nothing more. She replies "thank you so much:) I really appreciate that." So we talk and she tells me about good stuff in her life and I do the same, she's using a lot of smiley faces and exclamation points. In the moment, I asked her I she wanted to meet for coffee to which she says "ya sure." So she tells me she's free and we're going to meet up next week. She continued the conversation for a short while just making fun of me and teasing me and light-hearted humor before she stopped replying and likely just fell asleep. Does anyone know what she may be thinking? We broke up cause I was always so jealous and she couldn't handle my jealousy. I've worked on myself a lot and I want her to know. Any advice for what I should do or say? Is it worth a shot? Does anyone think I'm just being friend zoned or does anyone else think she may be interested again. We haven't talked at all today, but she was very funny and used plenty of smiles when talking so... Who knows. Help please? Just for the record, I do want her back! Edit: we dated for 8 months, I know it's not a long time, but we shared some great moments in that time. We broke up because I guess I failed a test that she presented. I hate that girls do that, but I guess it's part of their evolutionary nature to find a mate who's strong and able. She asked me if thinking about someone else is considered cheating, referencing her friend who had a similar situation. I got kinda pissed and asked her what's up and she said "basically, I am just saying that it is unfair to be accused of cheating when no one is outright emotionally or physically cheating." I feel like that is part of her test, cause I basically accused her of cheating two times before this instance. She was very affectionate and all before she left to go study with some friends. That night, she came back talking about this guy that she studied with more than I felt comfortable hearing about. She asked me if it was cool if they were friends, cause she didn't want me to be worried about it like I had done twice before. Looking back, I feel like she did that to insight some sort of jealousy on my part to see if I react negatively. I acted cool at first, which is when she invited me to meet her family for the first time because I guess she thought I was finally over this insecure jealousy thing, but then I changed my mind suddenly and decided that I wasn't cool with this guy. That's when she flipped the script on me and broke up with me citing "I can't be with a jealous guy right now especially after being in a 4-year jealousy-driven relationship... It's not healthy and neither of us need that right now considering we're both going to medical school fairly soon... Maybe I just need some time for myself to be by myself and figure out what I want and what not." She said it has caused her feelings to dwindle over time thinking that I'm needy and clingy and what not. But I acted very calm and collected when she broke up and told her I was okay with it and that I couldn't be friends with her. 2 months go by and I've seen the guy we fought about to cause the breakup, saying he's just a friend. He's a very short, asian (not racist at all, I'm actually half filipino), that is not very attractive at all. I feel like he knows who I am since she and him became friends and she probably explained why we broke up to him or whatever (I'm not sure). But I feel like an A-hole for getting so jealous over a guy who is far from her type (tall, handsome guys which I consider myself to be) and accusing her of cheating. I've done a lot of soul searching and got my grades up to all A's for this semester so far, plus I snagged an internship with a doctor and an undergraduate research job, so I've got a pretty good setup going for me right about now, but I miss her. I know people will say that no girl would want their boyfriend jealous, but she really does get along better with males cause they're not catty and she can be straight up with them, which is why I'm afraid if I've fallen into her friendzone, and she probably wanted to see if I could handle her male friends without being needy or clingy about it, which I failed to do. Oh! About 2 weeks ago, her best friend called me, who hates me, and wanted to know if she could come and pick something up, but emphasized the fact that she wanted to get the item from me (it was also 3 am and I was drunk at a bar). Just throwing that tidbit out there. To get the best answer possible, I will provide the conversation we had over text: Me: Happy Birthday Her: Thank you so much:) I really appreciate that. Me: No problem, how's everything on your side of the jungle gym? haha Her: They're good:) how about you? Me: Great actually, I got an undergraduate research job, so I'm looking forward to that. Her: That's awesome! Congrats (I didn't reply after this message. I couldn't think of what to say so I quit typing mid text and she saw since both have iphones and you can see when the other person is typing) Her: Do you love it:) Me: Well I start in the fall, but I'm very excited. It's with the pathology department lol And I managed to have all A's so far this semester, so I'm rocking it. haha what's been up with you? Her: Wow, I can't say congrats enough well, nothing as exciting, but I did get a shadowing opporunity for this summer in colombia and sierra leon. Me: Nice! how'd you score such a sick deal? Her: well my dad has friends in colombia and Dr. O is going to sierra leon for doctors without borders and is taking me. Me: Not as exciting? I'd say that's pretty damn exciting. You're gonna be a "medecine sans frontiers." lol Well, if you're up to it, we should grab coffee sometime. If I remember correctly, you owe me a conversation over coffee lol Her: Haha... Ouch... lol ya sure. Me: Well I don't normally keep tabs on anyone, so consider yourself lucky or cursed lol Her: lol so you're keeping tabs on me now? Me: Haha if by tab you mean free coffee for you, then I guess that is the case. lol Her: You know I don't like when people pay for me. You know I won't let you pay. Me: Haha you've always been weird about that, well I insist, it'd be my pleasure. Her: Not weird... I just don't like owing people anything lol Just preferences. Me: Well I still call it weird, lol jk, it should be chill. :)Are you free next week? Her: Mh I should be, I have an exam that friday. Good luck on yours tomorrow btw. Me: Thanks, I'll need it.. I hate microbiology. Her: Wait, why do you hate microbiology? Me: The professor's teaching style sucks and she always has to correct her own mistakes. Her: Lol, her online podcasts always put me to sleep, I just always read the book. Me: Lol she has a sexy voice though. Her: Haha you and your wet dreams about Dr. D. Me: Lol hey if that's what you want to call it.... You and your wet dreams about Dr. H! Her: At least he's attractive! Me: Dr. D has a beautiful.... Soul... You only like Dr. H cause he's australian! Her: Lol You're terrible! Me: Lol Terrible because Dr. D's voice gives me a nice rubbery one? lol jk I wouldn;t touch Dr. D. And that's when she stopped replying. Any advice? And sorry for the length, I wanted to be as detailed and concise as possible. Edited March 28, 2014 by Nickyg Needed more information
d0nnivain Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 She broke up with you but you are still talking. You fully admit that your jealousy was the root of the break up. All the rest of the details you posted don't mean anything. If you now truly have a handle on your jealousy, tell her that & that you have grown as a person. Ask her on a real date. See what happens. Understand if your green-eyed monster is not completely banished from your life, she'll be out the door like a shot.
RDawg Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 Don't do it, it's breadcrumbs. Go strict no contact.
Author Nickyg Posted March 28, 2014 Author Posted March 28, 2014 Don't do it, it's breadcrumbs. Go strict no contact. What does that accomplish? We've already established contact and I'm not going to text her to remind her about the coffee meet-up. If she wants to go, she'll text me and ask me when I'm free. haha Plus, she only never broke contact (purely based on speculation) because she thought I hated her. She and I broke up when we first started dating cause she was afraid to lose herself to someone else and our breakup then was a hell of a lot more cordial and amicable than the one we had this past time and she thought I hated her.
Simon Phoenix Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 There's absolutely nothing in there that indicates that she wants to get back with you. She's being polite and friendly. I can tell you have way too many expectations for this coffee and unfortunately, I don't see them being met. 2
anemptycup Posted March 29, 2014 Posted March 29, 2014 look - no one here is a fortune teller - but i guess there are a lot of experienced members who have seen the same patterns over and over... i broke up with my ex 3 months ago - immediately wanted her back the next day but she said no - unfortunately i had broken up too many times and she had enough - i went 7 weeks no contact and like you contacted her for her birthday - she even said she's still finding it hard - in that exchange of emails.. but, i tried to end it quickly... my advice would be... 1. be aware - she likely only wants attention from you - to feel like she knows she still has you... look up Chris Rock and "dick in a jar" 2. she might think you guys can be friends now... 3. it could be a combo of #1 & #2 4. yes, of course, there might be a chance she wants to meet up and see if you've changed.. etc.. but just keep in mind - if this is her deep need for attention (coz she misses you) or if she wants to attempt to friendzone you... you have to remember what you went through when you first broke up... are you willing to go through all that again? it's very tough - i'm in a very similar boat - i dunno if i should stick with NC - my feeling is - that will totally kill any chances of getting back... but will help me move on maybe... i just don't know... i think it's important that the EX clearly knows where you stand - and if you feel she knows you want her back... then leave her alone and let her have her space - she will only miss you more if you keep your space... and if she wants you back - women are clever! she'll figure out a way to contact you...
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