The_World Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 Hi all, so i'm hoping a few more experienced people can offer me some help here in regards to anger issues. My ex and i were each other's first. She is 22 and i'm 20. We begun dating 3 years ago. Back then i was immature and didn't know what i was doing so she dumped me after about a year. We had frequent fights, but i won't say i'm entirely to blame as well. After we broke up, i was very sad so i decided to try and change and win her back. At this point, she was still telling her best friend that i was a "child" which is why she couldn't date me. To cut a long story short, for the next two years i became a doormat and she continued to have sex with me and all the benefits of being in a relationship while hanging out with other guys and kissing them without my knowledge. Later when i found out, her excuse was that she never loved any of them and was doing it to try and move on and she if she could ever feel love again with someone else. Then she met a 27 year old guy and began dating him and stopped having sex with me but continued to seek emotional support with me. I tried to cut myself off from her. But when that guy started becoming a jerk and she started to lure me in again, i fell for her again and we continued our unhealthy "half-relationship". At this point i was constantly trying to please her and to become more mature in the hopes of winning her back. Fast forward 3 months, out of the blue she started dating a friend of mine and i have not spoken to them since. She has called me and told me she misses me and is confused. So now fast forward another 4 months, i am slowly getting over my depression. This episode has taken a heavy toll on my education, my social life and my general health. I feel extremely angry that my efforts to change to become what she wanted was met with such cruelty. I feel that at the very least, she didn't have to lead me on and suddenly abandon me. Back then she would always make it seem like i was the one at fault and the reason for our relationship failing to other people. This has led me to become very bitter and angry as it just feels like a cop out. I've put in so much more effort than her in trying to make this work and all i get is this? A generic "I don't have feelings for you anymore" and then dating someone else the next day? Back when i was still recovering, i was wallowing in self pity and sadness that she is gone. But now i am starting to feel a lot of anger for her and have a constant desire to get revenge. I don't want her back, i just want her to understand the hell she has made me suffer. Its like one day this person claims that you are their whole life and they feel such a strong connection to you, and then the next day nothing. Then they blame it on you for feeling that way. Am i a bad person for wanting her to feel all the hurt that i've gone through? I have always been wanting to send her emails explaining and cursing her for all the things she has done. People tell me it isn't worth it because she cannot empathize with me. Please tell me is my anger justified and if it isn't is there any further work i need to do on myself to let this anger go. I can barely go by two hours without feeling angry and having this urge to take revenge. They say the best revenge is living well but what is the point if you are not there to witness your ex feeling regret and admitting they are sorry? It just feels like you are letting the bad guy get away for doing something bad. At least thats my skewed view on it. Hope to receive input despite this long post. Thank you.
Brokenguy22 Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 I understand exactly what you went through as far as her saying you are still a child. I began dating her when I was 20 and she was 22. So everything was great fast forward 4.9 years. Wants to find someone older and who has his life figured out. I still need to grow up. I didn't have my stuff figured out because of reasons out of my control and she knew and just when I finally had the opportunity to finally do something for my self she leaves me. I do feel angry as well everyday actually! But what revenge can you get besides living a happy life? I do not want revenge, I just want to move on and be happier and more successful then I ever was. "If happiness is the finish line I beat you there, and Karma must be real cause since we broke up he ain't treat you fair". Hang in there man.
Grumpybutfun Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 Honestly, she is the one who sounds immature and toxic. It was cruel of her to keep stringing you along while she dated. However much it hurts, OP, letting go of anger and resentment is the best thing you can do because she doesn't deserve to live rent free in your head any longer. Chalk this experience up as a learning time in your life and remember that we accept behaviors we normally wouldn't because they are good manipulators. The next time someone tries to treat you like this, you will remember what she did and not accept it. If you need to rant to get it all out here, feel free. Many who have gone through being mistreated have said it helps to rant here on Love Shack. Good luck, Grumps
Author The_World Posted March 28, 2014 Author Posted March 28, 2014 hi brokenguy and grumpy, thanks for your responses. I get where you both are coming from and i am still coming to terms with my anger. The thing is its really hard to let it go especially when you feel completely betrayed. I just don't know how to be the bigger person. To make it worse i have to see her once every week due to a group activity we both attend that i can't avoid. My family situation is currently very bad and i've always had anger issues, but because of her i have tried very hard to work on those issues. I feel like she just stepped on whatever efforts that i have put it and just simply upgraded. How do you get over that? Damned if i do damned if i don't. I want to be the bigger person but yet i want her to know the hurt she has caused me and feel guilty about it. People say its pointless but i really want her to suffer. Yet at the same time i'm afraid if i send an angry email now, i'll just come off looking weak and in her words "like a child" again. damned if i do, damned if i don't. Please give me some insight on my situation.
Brokenguy22 Posted March 29, 2014 Posted March 29, 2014 Well I was angry as well its been 6 months as of yesterday of her breaking my heart. I was more sad the first 3 months then angry the next 2 and now I am a bit calm. I mean it will go away with time. Just try to do stuff to keep busy. Me I have been doing my youtube vidoes to keep me busy and having hella fun doing them too so just find something you enjoy and do it. Do it alone I'd say because me personally I am trying to get comfortable by my self so if I am ever in the same position (which I always end up getting hurt, cause I love too much!!!) lol, I can be like I got this! I can be alone and be happy too! Plus I feel I have learned so many different things and gained so much more experience in these past 6 months than I had in the almost 5 years with her. Love blinds you is what I have learned. It'll be aright man. IF you are angry then write a letter don't send it tho. I wrote emails to her but sent em to my self and then read them after 3 months. Just try to do whatever to get the anger out without getting revenge. I mean am I over her ? HELL NO! But I will be no doubt and you will too!
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