illinois24 Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 A little background: my ex and I were best friends for 2 years before we started dating and worked together. We hung out all the time and about 4 months before he asked me out he started flirting with me and coming up with all sorts of ways for just us to spend time together without our regular group of friends. so we dated for 18 months, went on trips together discussed moving in together and getting married in the next couple years once settled into our careers. The last two months of our relationship we would bicker over little things each other said or what each other did but always worked it out and work on being stronger. Almost 2 weeks ago had a fight and the next day he came over saying he wanted us to work it out and we talked and were moving forward, kissed goodnight and said I love you. Next morning same thing got an I love you have a great fay at work talk to you tonight, 12 hours later he gets out of work saying he loves me but isnt in love with me, those feelings just aren't there and he feels like he is making work for all the wrong reasons. he didn't talk to me for a couple days so I was left completely blindsided, how can so much change in a couple hours. He calls me after a couple days telling me I'm beautiful, the most amazing woman he knows and that he'll always care but he only wants to be friends and that he loves me but isn't still in love with me. Two days ago we sat down and talked face to face, dont realize we sat and talked for almost 3 hours. Just like when we we best friends and started dating, go to leave and he asks for a hug, I declined and was caught off guard. Asked me to meet me two days later for coffee, asked for a movie that was at my house but wants nothing back he gave me (jewelry, his clothes, his team baseball jersey with his name) so I go for coffee and he starts talking about good times we had when were dating and laughing. Wants us to still hang out regularly and when we leave he goes a head and gives me a long hug, even caught him sniff my perfume that he always loved. Not sure what is going on, is he just trying to be friends or is he changing his mind because I dont seem down about the breakup around him but he's admitted to having a hard time sleeping and hurting through this break up. Please help but please dont be rude.
David87 Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 Ok I wont be rude. He wants to be friends and that's it. He misses you and wants to spend time with you but that doesn't mean he will change his mind about the relationship and about starting a new one. The best thing to do is to stay away from each other for a certain amount of time.
Author illinois24 Posted March 28, 2014 Author Posted March 28, 2014 Thanks, it's just confusing because he has turned around and said maybe down the road if our feelings change we can give it another shot, but it's not something that we should be trying to do.
David87 Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 (edited) Thanks, it's just confusing because he has turned around and said maybe down the road if our feelings change we can give it another shot, but it's not something that we should be trying to do. Pff I hate it when they say this, maybe someday etc..... don't believe a word he says. He's feeling guilty( that's why he said it) and he's selfish because he leads you on for no reason. Please don't be friends with him because you deserve someone who loves and respects you. Edited March 28, 2014 by David87
mangetout Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 OP I am getting the same reaction from my ex fiancé. He wants to be friends because he cannot imagine life without me. But at the same time he is not interested in a committed relationship with me anymore. I started a thread about this earlier in the week as I was confused. Not anymore. If you dont care ( which you clearly do) to be with him romantically then go ahead and have a friendship. But if you are hanging onto hope that he may change his mind then please go NC. You will get more and more hurt. 2
Heroeric Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 Its like I say "if you truly loved someone and can remain friends, you either still love each other or never did" While you were in love with him, he wasn't. So that phrase applies to you alone. My personal opinion, just be upfront and tell him you loved him too much to be able to remain just friends, because it would hurt you, and let him know that someday if he feels different to come back but till then it's goodbye. Dragging it on as friends is gonna hurt you so much, it's not fair to do that to you. I've been there, very uncomfortable...
Author illinois24 Posted March 30, 2014 Author Posted March 30, 2014 Thanks everyone, I have started going NC and we haven't spoken since we gave back some stuff. He's tried texting asking how my day is or what I'm up to but I haven't given in even though it's hard.
Author illinois24 Posted April 9, 2014 Author Posted April 9, 2014 Hey everyone, I've posted my story here and on the second chances thread. So as a quick summary my bf of almost 2 years suddenly ended things between us a month ago. We had an argument and we decided to work it out only for the next day to say he loved me but wasn't in love with me but still wanted us to be friends like before we started dating. We talked a couple of times a week after the breakup, gave some stuff back. Went NC for a couple days and started getting annoyed messages from him that he thought we were going to try to be friends and he was concerned that he hadn't heard from me...after only 4 days. I told him I needed time to be apart from him that it was for my own healing. So a week ago he sent me a message inviting me out since it was his birthday, he was turning 21 (I'm 24). I told him I wasnt sure if I'd go. I didn't and he started calling and texting me, even mutual friends of ours were texting saying he wanted to know where I was and if I was coming. I eventually told him I didn't want to make things weird with his ex being there with a ton of people that set us up. Yesterday he texts me at 7am (knowing I'm up for work) and invites me to go out after I got off work 'because his other plans fell through'. I informed him I was not his back up plan for when people cancel on him, which made him offended saying he'd had those plans and something came up so they couldn't make it. A week ago I signed up on an online dating service just to go out and meet people, sure enough today I go on it and see he'd viewed my profile. Hardly anyone knows I'm on the site and no one knows which site I'm on. I try to move on but he keeps popping up and if it came to it I'd honestly go back to him but he made it clear we're friends. But turns around and told me maybe if those feelings came back we might give it a try but it's not something we'd work towards. He honestly is making me dizzy.
Simon Phoenix Posted April 10, 2014 Posted April 10, 2014 Stop communicating with him. You are torturing yourself for no real good reason.
BC1980 Posted April 10, 2014 Posted April 10, 2014 Well, it's your fault at this point because you keep talking to him. The only advice is NC, but I suspect you don't want to hear that right now.
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