PennyLane Posted January 29, 2005 Posted January 29, 2005 Okay, I REALLY need some advice about a guy. I think I'm just in denial and he's not interested, but I still wanted to ask. I'm gonna try to make this as short as possible. I work with a guy who over the past two months, I've become extremely attracted to, and developed some feelings for. We always made eye contact, always smiled at each other, and always flirted with each other. He did so more than me, because I'm a little shy if I'm not in a "social" scene. I've had a boyfriend who I just broke up with, and he knew this. We've become good friends and at parties, we always ended up in a convo with each other, and he never looked away, pupils were dilated, the whole thing. But he always left, told me bye, and that was that. So recently, I went to hang out, and he was there. My ex boyfriend was also there, and when this guy walked in, he looked disappointed when he saw my ex. So my ex left early, and I got drunk and we flirted again, talked to each other again, and I also made a comment that I had "wandering eyes." So later that night, this guy has to go to work at 8 in the morning, and so he leaves. He gives me a hug, and outside he goes, but this time, I follow him, and I tell him that I like him. He says that he really likes me too, but that I have a boyfriend. I tell him that I know that, but I'm "working on it." So the next thing I know, we're making out. I'm drunk, and turned on, so I mention me going to his place. His response is "Really?" and then we end up making out some more, and then he offers to drive me to his place and then bring me back to my car. So, without all the details, we have sex, which wasn't that passionate by the way, but not horrible. But the condom broke, he freaked out, and I told him not to worry, that I would take care of it if there was a problem. So after, we held each other and talked, and I basically told him how I had been feeling about him. His respone to that was, "Aw Jenn, you're makin' me blush." He said the same to me, and that he never made a move 'cause of the boyfriend thing, and 'cause he knew we had become good friends. We then decided that "this" wouldn't get awkward at work, and we agreed to keep it a secret, 'cause we hang out with mostly guys at work anyway, and he said that most of the guys at work want me anyway. And we agree that it's "kinda sexy" anyway to have a secret. So he says that we should hang out more, and that he needs to get my number. So we make out some more, then he says that we should get going. We get to my car, I give him my number, he puts it in his phone, we kiss some more, and then he tells me to have a good weekend. The next day he calls in the morning and tells me he couldn't sleep 'cause of the whole condom breaking thing. I tell him it's okay, 'cause I just started, and not to worry about it, and he is relieved. I had also left my keys in his car, and so he asks if I wanna come by his work and get them, or if he should drop them off somewhere, and then he offers to leave them in my car. Tells me again to have a good weekend, and that he'll see me Monday. So this week rolls around, and I try not to act different, I mean I still say hi, but we don't sit next to each other or anything. I notice he's looking at me different, his pupils are still dilated, but he looks at me like he cares or something, and the first couple of days, makes sexy comments to me. About midweek, this girl who I think likes him sits next to him, and they start talking, and he makes some flirty comments to her, nothing MAJOR, but I was like, okay...and I just smiled, 'cause I was sitting across from him. I didn't let it show on my face. So I acted distant the rest of the day. The next day, he seemed in a bad mood, and was a little distant. Friday comes, and he's cool again, and we smile at each other and flirt, and as we're walking out to move our cars, we talk, but he doesn't say a word about "this weekend," or "us." So here I am, wondering if he's trying to give me time to "get over" the whole boyfriend thing, if he's just not interested, or if he thinks I'm not interested in him anymore. Also, I haven't moved out yet, and he knows this. What do you guys think?
Beth Posted January 29, 2005 Posted January 29, 2005 Be careful. Office romances happen, but they have a high probability of disastrous endings. I could read this several ways. -He took advantage because you were intoxicated. -He likes you and got caught up in the moment -- passion is notorious for skewing common sense. -He is considering the possible outcomes of an office romance and what it would mean to him professionally. -He really does care and is embarrassed or ashamed of himself for going too far when you are still living with someone, which could mean that he respects boundaries and wants to do the right thing. -He is confused and unsure of your feelings and intentions and doesn't know how to act either. Where do you want this to lead? If you want a relationship, are you prepared to change jobs? Maybe ask for a transfer to a department where you would have little, or no, contact with him? Could either of you lose your job if you were 'found out' by your employer? If you were fired and he reprimanded (or the other way around) that could mean instant resentment between you and destroy the relationship - how would you handle that?
Author PennyLane Posted January 29, 2005 Author Posted January 29, 2005 Yea see, that's exactly what I'm doing, is going through all the possibilities. I'm glad you didn't say, "He's just not interested in you." That makes me feel a little better. Well the thing is, we're both just working there part time. (struggling actors and musicians) So as long as we didn't like, get caught making out during work hours, we'll be fine. I think at first, I was just like, I just wanna hook up with him, I wanna see it we have anything, and I'm okay if it's not serious. And I am okay if it's not serious, but I am falling for him. Slowly but surely. And I would like us to date, though not seriously, and I think that I didn't realize how much I liked him. Should I just talk to him? That sounds like the best idea, right, since he might be confused by my actions also? Thanks for taking the time, and I really like your signature, it's a good way to look at things!
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