oldshirt Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 You are getting plenty of opportunities. You are either holding out for someone out of your league (which is called hypergamy, you can look it up) or you are somehow giving off 'stay-away-from-me' vibes to people you are attracted to. You need to keep in mind you attract what you are. That means you can't be a 6 and attract an 8 or above. If you want a guy that is handsome, charming, socially adept, successful, educated, intelligent, generous etc etc. You are going to have to be pretty, charming, social, educated, successful, intelligent etc and be able to engage HIM in the intelligent conversation you want to have. A couple things you can do - - since your primary catch here is you are not physically attracted to the men approaching you, the most effective thing you can do would be to bump up your own physical attractiveness. It may be time for a bit of a make over and time to firm up a bit at the gym. - and as your grandmother would tell you, you may need to reevaluate your standards. I'm not saying to settle for someone that isn't good to you or a good person or that turns your stomach. But you do need to realize that as a species men are not "pretty". Only about 5-10% are good looking enough to walk into a room and have women be instantly attracted to them. Those 5-10% of men are going to to approach only the top tier of women for anything more than a quick ONS. If you aren't in the top 5% of women, you aren't getting one of those. You may need to get to know some lesser physically attractive men on a more deeper and personal level so that you can start to see and appreciate more of their other attractive qualities and traits.
hasaquestion Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 The problem is the physical attraction. My standards aren't impossibly high as far as looks, but I'm never the slightest bit physically attracted to the guys that hit on me. I know that once you get to know a person they can become more appealing, but it's hard to get past that initial stage when you're looking at a guy thinking "yikes!" Sounds to me like you're attracting the wrong types. Perhaps the way you present yourself is part of the problem. I have a very beautiful girl friend who is very down-to-earth in terms of the way she presents herself, and doesn't carry herself with "traditional female confidence" if that makes any sense. Extremely friendly and sweet. But the result is that guys who are in her "league" natural looks-wise are alarmed by her lack of visible confidence. And plain-looking guys see that she's not as popular and ladylike as women who usually look like her, so they flock to her like crazy. Obviously I don't know you. Just relating with an example of where presentation dictates the kind of attention you get.
Author Sweetnothing Posted March 28, 2014 Author Posted March 28, 2014 I'm not taking anyone's advice here as a personal insult because none of you know what I look like and with no evidence to go on I can see why you might think my physical standards are "out of my league," but I've dated very attractive men. I've also dated men below my league. I'm not THAT shallow, but looks DO matter to me - sorry! @oldshirt I am very in shape and I still get approached by overweight men sometimes, maybe I'm not the one who should lower my standards as far as that goes. I will try smiling and being more approachable in public I can definitely work on that, but a far as looks go I'm above average at least. I'm 5'5, thin, but not too thin, I run 4 days a week and do yoga twice a week, I'm a full B cup which is proportionate to my small bone frame, I have big eyes that aren't too close or to far apart, full lips, and really long dark hair. I dress in flattering clothes that aren't too revealing and try to maintain good posture when I'm out and about. I get approached by a lot of older men which bothers me...I think I look my age, but maybe I dress a little too adultish??
Thegreatestthing Posted April 3, 2014 Posted April 3, 2014 Online dating makes you really really picky I find myself not wanting to date a guy because of the clothes he wears before I joined OLD I would never have thought that about a guy, I would be happy to meet a cute interesting guy ,but it's just so many you become very picky!
Valen Posted April 3, 2014 Posted April 3, 2014 I think clubs and bars is a bad idea.. not the best place to find the type of guy you are after. I personally dislike OLD. It just feels like a meat shop where too many options makes it feel like it's insincere, like it's a reality dating show and you're one of the contestant. You just know you're not the only one this person is dating. I don't like that kind of atmosphere. I prefer a more genuine encounter like meeting someone in science class and you had to pair up to do a lab or something. Or meeting someone through a part-time job. I have the most success in meeting someone through part-time jobs or through co-workers. Often times we set a group activities and they usually bring their single friends along. Since you are going back to school in August, I say just wait til then to meet someone. For now, just enjoy your free time. Have fun outdoors, it's summer!
Keenly Posted April 3, 2014 Posted April 3, 2014 (edited) Online dating turned out to be a total wash for me. I didn't try any paid sites cos I figured it would probably have even fewer options than the free ones for people my age (I'm 23). I could be wrong, but at this point I want to meet someone in person. I don't really go to parties or clubs. Clubs are just too damn loud for me and don't seem to attract the kind of guy I'm looking for. My social circle is pretty small too. Most of my friends are girls and none of us throw parties. I have a small apartment in a quiet building and my landlord is very adamant about tenants being quiet. I just want to meet someone who's really smart. If I can't have intelligent conversations with him, there isn't much attraction. Do not listen to this dude that is telling you to change yourself or your standards. Seriously. Just keep being you, because for what my opinion is worth, you sound like a catch to me . I also like tattoos, video games, and indie music which is another reason why I don't find a lot in common with people I meet at clubs and bars. I don't have a "type" necessarily that I go for, I'm open minded, I just don't know where to look! I go to local shows, but no one approaches me. It doesn't seem like the ideal place for meeting people. I'm going back to college in August which should help, but in the mean time what are some options?? That's too bad that OLD didn't work for you. You sound like something I would have pursued with great interest. Edited April 3, 2014 by Keenly
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