Hoaks Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 I need some advice. My gf dumped me a week ago. She got over me not giving her the attention she needed. She wants to be friends with me. She thinks we were like fwb anyway. We have been together for 6 months, and I think we were like each other's rebound really. I was never 100 percent attracted to her, and just became comfortable being with her every day. There really was no honeymoon phase for me. She felt it but I didn't. So I really did see her as a friend, I love her, but was never in love with her. I liked being at her house. We have cats and I love them too. So, I should be able to just go to being friends yeah? I'm struggling and I don't know why. The thought of her seeing someone new crushes me. I have told her before that I would not be able to be friends for a very long time. She said this was not fair on her. So she continued to stay with me so as not to lose me for good. I don't feel I can go from talking to someone every day to occasionally chatting as mates. I feel she wants her cake and eat it too. Is this weird of me? Should I be able to go straight to being friends when I was not in love with her anyway? We were only together for 6 months. I don't have a lot of other friends and feel I could do with her in my life as a friend, but knowing she's into another guy more than me and could just ignore me when she meets someone feels like it's going to really hurt. Worse than I am hurting now.
guest572 Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 I agree with you, she wants her cake and to eat it too. Do you really want to remain friends? It doesn't sound like you are that keen. Dont give in to pressure from her. I dont think it is strange to be struggling. You may not have been in love with her but it is hard to adapt to and you have still been dumped and probably have to get through that first.I think you are quite right to take a break and consider friendship at a later stage. 2
d0nnivain Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 You can't force a friendship. If you are ending a romantic relationship, even if you weren't in love with her, you can't go straight to friends. It's too soon & too painful
Author Hoaks Posted March 28, 2014 Author Posted March 28, 2014 You can't force a friendship. If you are ending a romantic relationship, even if you weren't in love with her, you can't go straight to friends. It's too soon & too painful Yes I think so too, I just can't work out how she thinks it can be so easy. Especially when she was in love with me. I just couldn't get there with her. I guess I just have to tell her to leave me alone for at least a month. Although for me, it feels like it would take me a lot longer than that to be happy seeing her with another guy.
Author Hoaks Posted April 8, 2014 Author Posted April 8, 2014 Ok well friends can't work now. I feel betrayed, lied to and cheated on. She text me a message yesterday at work saying she needed to tell me something and get it off her chest, but to come to her house in a days time so she could tell me to my face. I wasn't having that and called her straight away and demanded she tell me on the phone. (We were still kind of talking about being together all this week). She tells me that she kind of cheated on me. During a "break" we were having she went to a guys house that she used to talk to before me. She reckons he ended up forcing himself on her and had unprotected sex. I said I kind of new you weren't a faithful girl and it doesn't surprise me. She said shed been tested and everything was ok. I was with her after this so I needed to know. This made me filthy angry, I was so upset to hear this, then she tells me she is pregnant with his kid. She doesn't want anything to do with him but wants to have the kid by herself. She says he's not a good guy. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I said I was trying to walk away from you and leave each other alone for a couple of months to see if friendship would work. Why would you tell me this? I don't need to hear it now. So my question is answered, friends? No way, it just won't work. I didn't handle the news well at all, and got very angry with her. So she started to attack me back, sending me explicit messages she's been recieving from different guys. She should have left me alone, she thinks if I saw her pregnant in a few months I would have thought it was mine. But I would have handled the news a lot better in a few months than fresh out of a breakup. So 2 different girls in a few years with basically the same result...lied to and cheated on. My self esteem is rock bottom again and I'm a mess . I really wish she kept this to herself, I didn't need to hear that someone u still have feelings for got pregnant during a break in our relationship. And she got back together with me after she was with him and didn't tell me about it
Omei Posted April 8, 2014 Posted April 8, 2014 You gotta go through a few bad eggs to get to a good love, good thing she is clean that would piss me off too, her little breakdown of nasty is prob a result of you refusing her friendship rigutfully so too its 100% in your right to heal anyway you need too. dude be so glad that you didnt get her pregnant, she unfaithful and cant handle things well, that could of been your future you really dodged the bullet by a sliver lol And not all girls are this way there are ones out there with hearts so big they couldn't dream of it She's just trying to bring you some hurt now id say go full no contact 1
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