Notsure_9 Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 My husband and I have been married 5 years and we have a 4 year old. We have had our ups and downs like all couples but it seems like the last year or so things have just gone downhill. I feel like we are roommates rather than a married couple. As I've posted in another thread sex pretty much doesn't happen without me insisting, that makes me feel undesired and not wanted. I have talked to him about this and he says he will fix it and he does for maybe a week but then back to the same old things. We don't communicate much and I miss it. I just want to feel loved and wanted again. I have brought this up many many times but nothing has gotten better. Is he tired of this? Does he want something different and this is just convenient? I guess I just wanted some thoughts....thanks
Grumpybutfun Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 As I recall you both have checked out of your marriage. You had an EA with a coworker and he no longer initiates sex. The thing about marriage that no one ever tells you is that marriage has to be tended to always, not just when things get tough or things get shaky. When you don't concentrate on your spouse and make the other a priority things slowly degrade making it hard to keep the same level of interest in each other. Since you both have let it lapse, it might be a good plan to see someone, a MC or a spiritual advisor. You both need direction and to be guided back to the admiration and interest you had before you took each other for granted. This can be fixed. Good luck, Grumps 1
Leigh 87 Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 I don't understand why things like this happen. Do people really have to be forced into "learning" how to admire and be passionate about one another? Sure you don't have hot sex after you give birth, and when you feel like you cannot pay the mortgage. I personally would never stay with a guy who entirely lost his passion for me and who had to be taken to a professional just to be "taught" to admire me. I would like to think that whatever life throws at you, if you deal with it with class and you maintain a high level of integrity, then your partner should still maintain admiration and respect for you, even if things are not always hot and steamy in the bedroom department! I would never " stay for the kids", screw that, I would rather find a man who was passionate about me and didn't have to be taught to feel that way. You could still remain very cordial and provide a fantastic life for your child if you both decide to part ways, as awful as this notion must be. I have no idea what it is like to split after marriage and kids, but I am a romantic and I need a guy who starts out smitten with me and who retains the initial passion, albeit in ebbs and flows, sometimes not feeling it but it always has to BE there somewhere, without a psychologist having to 'teach him" how to feel again. I find people experience this issue mostly when they never had great sparks or chemistry to begin with, then when life gets tough and it MUST be hard to maintain any level of passion when there was never any to begin with. It would be hard to... stay "interested" if you were both only together because you fell for each others "personalities' rather than be driven by actual chemistry. Just some food for thought based on what I hear and see all the time in married couples. The ones who were madly in love to begin with and who felt chemistry naturally in the start, tend to be able to reignite things when life gets tough. How did you initially feel about one another?
Author Notsure_9 Posted April 6, 2014 Author Posted April 6, 2014 It started out great we were young when we married and we were in love. Things just seemed to change we have a 4 year old and she means the world to both of us. Things definitely chamber after kids and I became withdrawn for a while after she was born I had a ton of complications during birth went to counseling got my crap together bad things have never been the same. I will admit to the ea with a coworker but it was only because it made me feel good but that's over. We still work together but that's all strictly business. And the passion is gone but we are working on it so we will see how it goes. I do love him
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