SarahJames Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 You maintain NC for months. Start to function like your usual self. Even realize that he's on your mind so much less than before. Good things happen to you and he's no longer the person you can't wait to talk to in order to share that news. Seems like you're truly moving on. And then bam, one day, when you least expect it - its the last person you thought you'd get a text from, he texts you. There has to be some sort of mind-tracking device these "men" have right? Then you sit there. Initially, you're happy they still think of you. You're shocked they texted. You triple check to make sure the text is real, exists, and its not a dream. Then the thinking process starts. What do I do? Do I text him back? But what do I say? How much do I want him to know? Do I even want to answer him and give him that pleasure of talking to me again? Then, you remember all the reasons you shouldn't answer. You recall how hurt you felt. How much he's hurt you whether he knows it or not. You remind yourself that this "relationship" is a dead end street. But yet, by not answering, it feels as though you're leaving this task on your to-do list unfinished. Why am I able to give other OW/ex-OW the "right" advice, but yet I fail to listen to myself 1
EnderA Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 By not answering, you are proving you have the strength to endure and to survive. By not answering, you are showing him that you are not at his beck and call. By not answering, you are finally free. 3
Cocochai Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 Funny, it does happen... I remember the same thing happened to me.. NC for a while even tho your mind may wonder on him, but your happy to not be involved in the roller coaster then bam! There he goes w/ contact. It happened at work one day when I was caught off guard too. I went to the bathroom and pretty much had to talk myself out of reading it. It didn't work back then but he's blocked soooo
Hope Shimmers Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 He texted you to see if you are still there waiting. If he still has you on the "string" so to speak. Once you respond, his question is answered, he is reassured, his ego is boosted, and he's back on his way doing whatever he was doing before. 6
Cocochai Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 He texted you to see if you are still there waiting. If he still has you on the "string" so to speak. Once you respond, his question is answered, he is reassured, his ego is boosted, and he's back on his way doing whatever he was doing before. Can we get a MM/MW's take on if it's a control thing (ego boost) or simply a way to get back into the A itself.
BlueBobby Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 I've done this after periods of no to low contact but it was never about controlling her or keeping her on a string. I care about her and I have thoughts going through my head that she's over me and I'm wondering if she's thinking of me too, the same as you women say you wonder about him. It's crazy how all these men are being made out to be manipulative freaks just using people? I'm sure some are but you were with the guy, you have to have some idea if he was genuine or not. I have feelings just like anyone else. I contact her when I'm missing her, or if I think she's missing me. No other reason really. No master plan behind it. 3
BlueBobby Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 Absolutely it's an ego boost to know someone still cares about you and I won't deny that. But the entire thing is an ego boost, doesn't mean I'm 'using' her for that. I care about her a lot.
Mickey1982 Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 I've done this after periods of no to low contact but it was never about controlling her or keeping her on a string. I care about her and I have thoughts going through my head that she's over me and I'm wondering if she's thinking of me too, the same as you women say you wonder about him. It's crazy how all these men are being made out to be manipulative freaks just using people? I'm sure some are but you were with the guy, you have to have some idea if he was genuine or not. I have feelings just like anyone else. I contact her when I'm missing her, or if I think she's missing me. No other reason really. No master plan behind it. BlueBoddy--just curious if you had a 'forced' NC by a d-day or was it a mutual NC to end things??????
BlueBobby Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 BlueBoddy--just curious if you had a 'forced' NC by a d-day or was it a mutual NC to end things?????? No we've never been caught and no DDay we have just taken breaks, sometimes up to a month or two, and we've mutually ended things once but are back on.
Mickey1982 Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 I care about her and I have thoughts going through my head that she's over me and I'm wondering if she's thinking of me too, the same as you women say you wonder about him. QUOTE] I will always wonder (as some BS have said here) if a d-day washes away the 'thinking' that you mentioned in your previous post?????
Cocochai Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 No we've never been caught and no DDay we have just taken breaks, sometimes up to a month or two, and we've mutually ended things once but are back on. What causes you to take breaks? Is it fear of guilt or BS getting suspicious?? And why are you having the A? My thing is, if your not getting all you need in the M at certain points, why not tell your BS instead of doing the cycle of returning to the OW?
ladydesigner Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 Can we get a MM/MW's take on if it's a control thing (ego boost) or simply a way to get back into the A itself. For me it was both.
BrokenPrincess Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 I will always wonder (as some BS have said here) if a d-day washes away the 'thinking' that you mentioned in your previous post????? It didn't for my xMM. He had a DDay and we immediately went NC so he could repair his M. But when he broke it 4 months later, he said he'd thought of me everyday, checked my Facebook all the time, had to tell me how he felt about me etc etc. All the same things that many OW have expressed here. My experience has actually been than he & I have surprisingly been through very similar behaviors/thoughts since our A ended. I don't know if it's because we're both married, but he definitely has not been a master manipulator MM with no emotions or lingering thoughts about our relationship. 1
Mickey1982 Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 It didn't for my xMM. He had a DDay and we immediately went NC so he could repair his M. But when he broke it 4 months later, he said he'd thought of me everyday, checked my Facebook all the time, had to tell me how he felt about me etc etc. All the same things that many OW have expressed here. My experience has actually been than he & I have surprisingly been through very similar behaviors/thoughts since our A ended. I don't know if it's because we're both married, but he definitely has not been a master manipulator MM with no emotions or lingering thoughts about our relationship. I think it really is based on the MM and the feelings he had for the AP. My exMM told me he loved me in our last conversation and I have decided to hold onto that feeling. I believe I enter his mind daily as he does mine.
Cocochai Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 I think it really is based on the MM and the feelings he had for the AP. My exMM told me he loved me in our last conversation and I have decided to hold onto that feeling. I believe I enter his mind daily as he does mine. Well I think you already have the answer to the topic you posted in your other thread. Unless he's a robot... And even if the feelings fade, I doubt he'll forget. 2
BlueBobby Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 I care about her and I have thoughts going through my head that she's over me and I'm wondering if she's thinking of me too, the same as you women say you wonder about him. QUOTE] I will always wonder (as some BS have said here) if a d-day washes away the 'thinking' that you mentioned in your previous post????? I don't know why it would. Unless there was no feelings involved. For me and her there is so even if we get caught and choose to stay with our spouses I don't think I could stop thinking about her. If course it would be different thoughts than it is now, and the thoughts would change if I thought we were over for good too but Id still think about her.
BlueBobby Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 I think it really is based on the MM and the feelings he had for the AP. My exMM told me he loved me in our last conversation and I have decided to hold onto that feeling. I believe I enter his mind daily as he does mine. You probably do. Maybe not all day long but I think about her every day whether we're talking or not.
BlueBobby Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 I think it really is based on the MM and the feelings he had for the AP. My exMM told me he loved me in our last conversation and I have decided to hold onto that feeling. I believe I enter his mind daily as he does mine. What causes you to take breaks? Is it fear of guilt or BS getting suspicious?? And why are you having the A? My thing is, if your not getting all you need in the M at certain points, why not tell your BS instead of doing the cycle of returning to the OW? Because any double life is hard? Can get too intense and almost exhausting. We never completely stopped talking, we live in a small town have all the same friends so we still saw each other but at times it's been talking ever day and more like a second relationship and other times it's more like friends with benefits, and sometimes just friends. Been like that for a couple years. We've only had one conversation about it and decided to try and just be friends, that was recent but it's already over. We talk a couple times a week right now but see each other lots more at times but in groups with other people. Both our marriages are pretty solid. We are both missing things that we provide for each other but really she's just a great person for me, she is one of the best friends I ever had on top of being gorgeous and smart and funny and great in bed. There's lots of reasons I have for being in the affair but I'm not expecting anyone else to get them. The things we're missing in our marriages we have brought up many times to our partners and they have been rug swept. We adapted. 1
starchild699 Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 Do they have some sort of mind-tracking device? yes. they. do.
Mickey1982 Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 I don't know why it would. Unless there was no feelings involved. For me and her there is so even if we get caught and choose to stay with our spouses I don't think I could stop thinking about her. If course it would be different thoughts than it is now, and the thoughts would change if I thought we were over for good too but Id still think about her. I guess I ask that beacuse BS posters on my previous thread have quoted 'my fWH has always maintained that around D-day his love for the OW "evaporated", and that D-day and the disastrous aftermath was the trigger for that.' I hope that is not the case for all MMs.
BlueBobby Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 I guess I ask that beacuse BS posters on my previous thread have quoted 'my fWH has always maintained that around D-day his love for the OW "evaporated", and that D-day and the disastrous aftermath was the trigger for that.' I hope that is not the case for all MMs. I'm sure if it was just lust of looking to piss off your partner that's different. I'm talkin genuine feeling, even of friendship not necessarily love. But I love both women just different. I'm sure if I had a DDay and chose to stay with my wife, I'd say I 'woke up' and didn't think about her anymore either but what idiot wouldn't. Unless they had a really open and understanding partner, and I do not. Or of they actually did not have feelings but really I feel like if you are honest with yourself, you know if he was faking his feelings or not. Do you think he was real? Then he likely was. Think it was fake? Then it likely was. My opinion.
BlueBobby Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 BlueBobby sounds like quite the self-proclaimed Alpha man. Hmm, not sure mate. Most posters here wouldn't see me as alpha because I have no issue 'sharing' my woman. If you met me you might think I am I guess.
Hope Shimmers Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 Can we get a MM/MW's take on if it's a control thing (ego boost) or simply a way to get back into the A itself. Okay... but I am an ex-OW and I am the one who made the statement. I didn't mean to be brutal in that post (saying the MM was being manipulative or that he doesn't care). My ex-MM cared about me a great deal, but we still did the push-pull thing during periods of trying to maintain no contact. He was trying to do the "right thing" and he wanted to know how I was, if I was okay, etc but he also wanted to know I was there. Even now that the A is long over and we maintain low contact as friends, if I don't call him or email him for a couple of days he is right there wondering what I am up to, if I am upset with him about something, etc.
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