Trnamakesnse Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 I have a question for people that I can't find an answer for. Basically a long distance thing with a woman who really believes in being friends first and I myself agree but I think she's in love with me and she well I know she is but why is it so important to her that I see her as a friend exactly? She wanted me to continue seeing her as a friend to the point that she became more sexual when single but didn't tell me she was. I found out later she had been single for over a year apparently waiting for me as I plan to move there. Always asking me to come see her. It's complicated but can anyone make sense of why she'd find it so important to have me keep seeing her as a friend? And she's seeing someone else I gave permission several times because of the distance and she while enjoying the new relationship seems to have mainly found someone to feel safer. I'm just confused is all why she couldn't tell me how she felt when it's pretty obvious she felt strongly for me.
AntiSocal Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 Keyword: Long distance. She doesn't want to get serious with a guy she might never see. 3
Sweetnothing Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 Are you serious? What do you really think? Because I feel like you already know the answer to that. But just in case you don't, she's keeping her options open. She's probably dating other guys or trying to. This is a girl who is obviously very insecure and keeps you around to feed her ego since she can't find a local boyfriend for whatever reason. She needs that male attention and you give it to her constantly, but if she publicly announced she was seeing someone in a LDR any guy in her area would back off OR she would date anyway and people would think she's a tramp. So she's trying to save her reputation and her ego by stringing you along knowing you aren't exploring any better options and says all the things you want to hear to keep you on a leash while she tells any available suitors that she's single. Kick this trash to the curb. You deserve to be known. You deserve to be with someone who will announce that she is with you. Don't settle for less. Edit: I just reread your post and you state that she IS seeing someone else? And you think she loves you? Wrong. She loves attention. Dump her. 2
Hopeful30 Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 Lots of people feel that exposes them to be vulnerable, or somehow makes them weaker. Lots of people also think that by acknowledging such strong feelings, they are basically submitting and giving more power to the other person. 1
Author Trnamakesnse Posted March 28, 2014 Author Posted March 28, 2014 No.. she's known for three years I was moving exactly her way. I have never in my whole life intended to stay where I am. I always intended to move closer. she said it was sardonic regarding her new relationship.
Author Trnamakesnse Posted March 28, 2014 Author Posted March 28, 2014 Can't edit last post... I'll just say she waited for an entire year atleast and said she didn't feel safe not having someone with her. She's very attractive and raised Catholic she even planned her breakup to coincide with when I arrive near her. I can't explain everything to you people here but believe me she loves me and I think the best idea is she was scared to admit to her feelings with me so far away. Lots and lots of things I could tell you here. I remember every conversation over three years and I'm aspie.. I have a mind like a rough diamond and a bear trap for a memory. Would you not date someone else if the person you want isn't available? When she first told me of him she was even then hinting that she'd be willing to date someone like me a smoker. It's a strange situation, she's young and beautiful and living alone without much money in a bad neighborhood. She's having a sex adventure >.> her lesbian fantasy I won't allow she's pursuing... Bah Trust me aspies have great analyses abilities. One thing she said when I said I'd tell her immediately if I liked a girl she said "I guess we do have different communication styles" or something of that nature. Her point being she loved me and doesn't expect me to stay single but does feel I want her more than the rest which is true. I shouldn't have given permission to date other men xD Oh well..
acrosstheuniverse Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 Can't edit last post... I'll just say she waited for an entire year atleast and said she didn't feel safe not having someone with her. She's very attractive and raised Catholic she even planned her breakup to coincide with when I arrive near her. So she strung along some guy for however long, when she knew they had no future, because she didn't want to be alone? She planned to breakup with him and didn't bother to let him know, when he could have been free to find somebody that wanted to be with him? Why do you even want to be with somebody of such low moral quality? 3
Strength in Healing Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 I've seen your posts and I'm gonna tell you like it is. You are a push over. You are coming off extremely beta which no confident or healthy-minded woman would want, unless they can use you in some way. You can brush off what I'm saying, and your defense mechanisms psychologically will likely command you to, but you should very strongly try to listen to what I am saying. You have to grow a back bone, that way you won't be seeking women at great distances, you'll be able to find one in real life. Disregard what I say, I expect it. Rationalization can be a crippling tool.
Author Trnamakesnse Posted March 29, 2014 Author Posted March 29, 2014 I'm sorry you consider people in forms of beta and alpha. Please brush off what I'm saying as I know you will. Understand that you don't understand everything nor will you ever. ALPHA TEAM OUT!
OhThatGirl Posted March 29, 2014 Posted March 29, 2014 1) What is an aspie? I don't get this. 2) Some other people have commented on it, I will too. She's afraid of being alone so she started seeing someone and she tells you she has planned their breakup to occur when you move into town? Huh? Does HE know this? That's a ****ty thing to do. 3) Nothing you've said indicates she loves you and/or wants to be in a relationship (long distance or otherwise) with you. Might you be misinterpreting things? Because you believe being an "aspie" gives you some sort of superior analysis abilities? 4) A woman who truly loves a man wants to be with him in any form of relationship. She doesn't want to date anyone else because the only thing that guy will offer her is frustration that he isn't the person she loves and truly wants to be with. 5) For 3 years she has known you were moving to be near her? Really? 3 years? Do you have immediately plans to do so? Job, housing, social support, etc? Or is this "all my life I've figured I would retire in Florida" kind of situation? Stop assuming she loves you and wants a relationship with you. Both her words (telling you she wants a friendship) and actions (dating someone else) indicate otherwise. While you may think some of the things are indicative of her feeling differently, you can only believe what a person directly tells you and does.
todreaminblue Posted March 29, 2014 Posted March 29, 2014 1) What is an aspie? I don't get this. someone with aspergers syndrome....... some people with aspergers can remember conversations word for word....if it is important to them.....deb 1
Author Trnamakesnse Posted March 29, 2014 Author Posted March 29, 2014 How do I explain everything I know? And yes most aspies have superior analyses abilities it's a trade off on social skills for mental prowess. How about she said when I told her ofcourse I'd tell her I liked someone her response was to say we must have different communications methods. Maybe the fact that we talked daily until bedtime for three years? Literally not a single day missed not one. Planning to move there when I have the cash won't and don't WANT to live where I am haven't since I was 15. Said she hated the negative connotations of "friendzone" when I asked if I was in it. And fyi dating for fun isn't sh***y it's just honest. She made it clear she was planning to date after him when admitting she was dating him. Want the full story? I have three years of conversations in my head and I can remember our very first conversation in private. All of it. Aspie mental prowess.
Author Trnamakesnse Posted March 29, 2014 Author Posted March 29, 2014 1) What is an aspie? I don't get this. 2) Some other people have commented on it, I will too. She's afraid of being alone so she started seeing someone and she tells you she has planned their breakup to occur when you move into town? Huh? Does HE know this? That's a ****ty thing to do. 3) Nothing you've said indicates she loves you and/or wants to be in a relationship (long distance or otherwise) with you. Might you be misinterpreting things? Because you believe being an "aspie" gives you some sort of superior analysis abilities? 4) A woman who truly loves a man wants to be with him in any form of relationship. She doesn't want to date anyone else because the only thing that guy will offer her is frustration that he isn't the person she loves and truly wants to be with. 5) For 3 years she has known you were moving to be near her? Really? 3 years? Do you have immediately plans to do so? Job, housing, social support, etc? Or is this "all my life I've figured I would retire in Florida" kind of situation? Stop assuming she loves you and wants a relationship with you. Both her words (telling you she wants a friendship) and actions (dating someone else) indicate otherwise. While you may think some of the things are indicative of her feeling differently, you can only believe what a person directly tells you and does. I don't know if he knows or not. She has had one serious relationship when I met her it was at year 4 and engaged. She screwed it all up in telling me and tbh seems to be learning some of the rules via well forums like this. Asked me to heal told me I needed to feel better. Lots of things lots of specific things that people don't generally say imo. But I doubt she'd tell him forever when the last guy she told him forever and chose me for a year online over flesh and blood in person.
FitChick Posted March 30, 2014 Posted March 30, 2014 How much time have you actually spent with her in three years?
Author Trnamakesnse Posted March 30, 2014 Author Posted March 30, 2014 How much time have you actually spent with her in three years? In person? None.... We planned to meet after I finished school and started my career and moved. We'd skype for hours at a time though usually 3+ we just get along really well.
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