I cracked. I contacted him after 8 days NC

[BC1980]

What's done is done, so just let it go. Pretty much everyone has done something like that after a breakup. I wrote a long email to my ex talking about how we could fix our problems. His response was "Thank you for those thoughts."

 

I was so mortified and hurt. There comes a point where you will simply be sick of investing emotional energy into someone who doesn't care that much. I've never done such weak things after a breakup as my last ex, but that relationship really sucked the life out of me. He did a number on me, but, trust me, you have a whole new life ahead of you. I've learned a heck of a lot about myself and become such a better person. It's not that I wish what I have gone through on anyone, but I have become a different person for the better. My breakup shined a light on some issues that I haven't dealt with, and you will be okay.

[sooshi]

Oh MMI, this thread brought tears to my eyes. You have so much support here, and I really, really feel for you.

 

I have not contacted my ex-fiance in two weeks. It was a short message, an apology, and he did not reply. It hurts like hell that he still has said nothing. It makes me feel like he really doesn't care about the way I've been feeling, for mistakes I had recently made, and the guilt and remorse I have felt as a result of hurting him. It makes me think maybe he really is okay with me feeling this way. I wish soooo much that he would see his own wrong-doings and apologize for the impact on me, but he simply doesn't seem to see it. Or maybe he does, and doesn't care enough to say anything. I don't know.

 

I don't think that your message to your ex was anything so different from what many of us would write. I've said similar things. And yes, I was embarrassed afterwards. But it's okay. It's done now. We can work on letting it go.

 

You're focusing on yourself a lot now. Doing things you like. Doing things for you. You're running a 5k, which I'm sure you'll love. Tons of color. It'll make you smile.

 

Keep focusing on you. You've been through so much, and you're right, you deserve to be with someone who really wants to be with you. I'm so sorry for what you're going through. It hurts so much, I know. Keep doing what makes you happy, and you'll realize that you don't need him or want him as much as you feel like you have.

 

Take care of yourself. Feel free to post on here if you ever feel inclined to contact your ex again (instead of doing that).

[bluegreen]

Exactly this is what we wanna have her focus on what she still has and what has gotten but did not had before. We don't divide members into we like this one the other one not so much. We just see some are ready more then others to hear follow and do what we try to express to them.

 

And am so glad someone mentioned this because this is true.

She has and am not mentioning me but she and rest of you have support of some hell of the sharp caring been there done that people.

 

 

Somehow I sense this girl will be one of our best works yet

[Me. Myself and I]

Thank you everyone.

 

When the pain hits, it's awful I'm sorry you've all been through it too. I wouldn't wish it upon anyone.

 

I'm physically and emotionally exhausted today. My mood is so low. I can't wait for the day I wake up and he doesn't cross my mind.

 

What's done is now done. After feeling the way I did when not receiving a reply, I'm sure this is enough to stop me trying to reach out. There will be days where I'll "think" it's the right thing to do again. I'm not going to make that mistake.

I still finding it hard believe that he feels absolutely nothing for me. Or that he doesn't care what emotion roller coaster I'm going through. My head convinces me it's all an act on his part. Even thought it's clear. I'm sure my thought process will change with time. I understand that's what it needs. Time.

Edited March 28, 2014 by Me. Myself and I

[BC1980]

Thank you everyone.

 

When the pain hits, it's awful I'm sorry you've all been through it too. I wouldn't wish it upon anyone.

 

I'm physically and emotionally exhausted today. My mood is so low. I can't wait for the day I wake up and he doesn't cross my mind.

 

What's done is now done. After feeling the way I did when not receiving a reply, I'm sure this is enough to stop me trying to reach out. There will be days where I'll "think" it's the right thing to do again. I'm not going to make that mistake.

I still finding it hard believe that he feels absolutely nothing for me. Or that he doesn't care what emotion roller coaster I'm going through. My head convinces me it's all an act on his part. Even thought it's clear. I'm sure my thought process will change with time. I understand that's what it needs. Time.

 

I understand completely. Grief is such a roller coaster of emotions. Some days, it all seems to make sense and is coming together. The next day, everything is overwhelming, and there are endless questions about the future. Luckily, I seem to have gotten through the days when I could barely get out of bed.

 

I really would recommend talking to someone or getting a book that can help you navigate the grief. I underestimated what I was up against, and, unless you have been through it, you don't understand it. You have such an array of emotions that you don't know how to make sense of them at times, and it might result in breaking NC or other destructive things.

[Me. Myself and I]

Today is hard.

 

I've tried everything to shake it. I can't get my head stuck into a book. I've been out to see my sister, walked the dog, sorted the washing. I still can't get him out of my mind. I'm repeating "it's over"and "he doesn't care" it's giving me no results today.

 

I'm gutted he has cut me off. I've resisted the urge to try and contact him. Part of me thinks maybe he's blocked my number. (I know I shouldn't be thinking it, and it shouldn't matter). All this is a result of sending a text that I thought would "magically" change everything. I had a call from his dad today, because I'd deleted the parents numbers I didn't realise it was him. I've saved it under do not answer. I feel so lonely right now. How on earth can someone just cut off like that? I wonder if it's because he's angry at me and wants to hurt me. I clearly didn't meet his expectations in the relationship. Is it's because he's moving on, or is it because he knows how much it hurt me being in contact? Does he know that it's the best thing for me, so in fact he's being firm but fair and doing the right thing, because I'm not strong enough. He knows I'm not taking it well. He knows how much I miss him. Maybe he doesn't want to hurt me anymore so is cutting me off for that reason? Could that be possible?

 

His I don't want to see you upset and his I don't knows confused the hell out of me. His let's be friends confused the hell out if me. I understand that he must of felt smothered because I brought up my feelings again. But did he really expect me to just forget what had happened? Carry on like I'm not heartbroken and haven't lost the person I love?

I wonder if he even thinks of me, if he gets little reminders now and then, like I do. I know it's normal for me to think like this right now, it's actually the thing that's keeping me sane.

[Me. Myself and I]

I understand completely. Grief is such a roller coaster of emotions. Some days, it all seems to make sense and is coming together. The next day, everything is overwhelming, and there are endless questions about the future. Luckily, I seem to have gotten through the days when I could barely get out of bed.

 

I really would recommend talking to someone or getting a book that can help you navigate the grief. I underestimated what I was up against, and, unless you have been through it, you don't understand it. You have such an array of emotions that you don't know how to make sense of them at times, and it might result in breaking NC or other destructive things.

 

It's exhausting! I am seeing a therapist next week. Hopefully that will help.

The attachment is still so strong. To me it just reconfirms how much I feel for him. That's the problem. I feel too much. I feel like that was a problem in the relationship. (There's me trying to "fix" it again and thinking of ways to change things) it's learning to control these impulses and states of panic that I need to master.

[BC1980]

I know you are very confused, but all of this confusion is over his motives. Remember that. His motives don't matter anymore, and you cannot control him or fully understand him. You can only control and understand yourself. I would keep telling myself that when I got overwhelmed. I can only control myself and do what's best for me.

[4everalones]

It's okay. We all make mistakes, we all cracked at a certain point and learned from our mistakes. I am so sorry you're going through this. No contact is very very hard. I know what you're going through. My ex broke up with me months ago and I'm still struggling to keep myself from stalking him and contacting him.

 

Please take this as great opportunity to learn and grow. You wanted your ex to see what a productive and wonderful person you are. You want him to see that you're working on yourself and improving, right? If you want that, don't tell him, show him with your actions. Maybe he will come back, maybe he won't. It doesn't matter, the only thing that matters right now is your healing.

 

I know the pain you're going though. No one here is judging you as we've all been there. Next time you feel like contacting him, you can post here or contact me in person, I'd be happy to talk about it and support you as much as I can

 

Good luck!!

[Zahara]

Does it matter the whys? It's a break-up, Me. That means no more contact. Him not contacting shouldn't mean anything other than he is accepting the break-up and following through with allowing you to heal and move on. There doesn't have to be an explanation. There is no need to analyze. When the whys start happening, check yourself and firm down that it doesn't matter -- he's ended things and with that comes the process of two people moving on with their lives and letting go. Rationalize that in your head. You will never know his motives.

 

I don't think he has just cut off like that. I think that overtime he's had the time to seperate himself emotionally from you. That is why he isn't as emotional as you are. Let's just say his checking out was happening a long time ago. You can't detach because you're only now having to face that fact.

 

In your heart, count this as a blessing that he isn't contacting you and keeping you on a string. While it may seem cruel that he's just gone, it's actually the kindest thing a dumper can do for a dumpee.

[Me. Myself and I]

Does it matter the whys? It's a break-up, Me. That means no more contact. Him not contacting shouldn't mean anything other than he is accepting the break-up and following through with allowing you to heal and move on. There doesn't have to be an explanation. There is no need to analyze. When the whys start happening, check yourself and firm down that it doesn't matter -- he's ended things and with that comes the process of two people moving on with their lives and letting go. Rationalize that in your head. You will never know his motives.

 

I don't think he has just cut off like that. I think that overtime he's had the time to seperate himself emotionally from you. That is why he isn't as emotional as you are. Let's just say his checking out was happening a long time ago. You can't detach because you're only now having to face that fact.

 

In your heart, count this as a blessing that he isn't contacting you and keeping you on a string. While it may seem cruel that he's just gone, it's actually the kindest thing a dumper can do for a dumpee.

 

I know you're right. I know deep down all this advice makes sense.

He was the only person I felt so close to. It's hard to swallow that he will never be in my life again. The whole thing has made me feel unlovable and not good enough for him, all I did was try and try. Somewhere along the line I lost who I was. All this trying to seek validation from him, it's getting me nowhere.

I miss him in my life, so much. It's like I've lost my best friend too. I do need to find who I am again. He was my happiness but happiness starts from within, right? I'm going to do my best with it.

[Zahara]

I know you're right. I know deep down all this advice makes sense.

He was the only person I felt so close to. It's hard to swallow that he will never be in my life again. The whole thing has made me feel unlovable and not good enough for him, all I did was try and try. Somewhere along the line I lost who I was. All this trying to seek validation from him, it's getting me nowhere.

I miss him in my life, so much. It's like I've lost my best friend too. I do need to find who I am again. He was my happiness but happiness starts from within, right? I'm going to do my best with it.

 

And he isn't going to be the only man you get close to. This is not the be all end all. While you are tormented that he will never be in your life again, I can safely say that when your emotions for him have gone, the thought won't scare you and I dare say may not even make you flinch. So, hold tight and when you have these thoughts, know that it's only temporary. It won't always be this way. FOR NOW, it may be the end of the world that you will never speak to him, but who knows, maybe a year from now you may actually cross paths, maybe a year from now you will actually ponder about him and even shoo it away -- don't set your mind into "always" or "never". It's too depressive and final. This is all temporary. Don't magnify it into something that seems like forever. It's too vast to carry on your shoulders right now. Just tell yourself FOR NOW, I cannot speak to him until I have completely moved on. For now it is going to be painful but I know I will get better. For now I know that no contact is the best thing for me.

 

Feeling unloveable because one man has decided that he cannot give you a relationship is really damaging to the soul. Your parents love you. Your friends find you loveable. Your dog/cat? Your siblings I am sure love you. This isn't about you being unloveable. You are loveable. But in relationships feelings have the potential of changing. That doesn't make you unloveable. Just because his feelings for you have changed, it doesn't mean it changes your value. I am sure he still cares for you and possibly still has love for you but his expectations have changed and his needs/wants have changed. Don't denigrate yourself because someone has chosen to leave your life.

 

Yes, your happiness starts from within. If you aren't happy with yourself, you will never have anything to give another person that is entering your life. All you will do is suck the life out of them because your happines is dependent on them.

[Simon Phoenix]

Trying to guess at what another person is thinking is one of the biggest wastes of time on the planet. There could be a million different reasons, but the result is the same -- he doesn't want to have contact with you. Even if you did know the reason, it's not as if it's going to help you. It's time for you to focus on you and stop worrying about what he may or may not be thinking. You've already wasted five months (if I'm not mistaken) trying to solve that puzzle.

[Me. Myself and I]

And he isn't going to be the only man you get close to. This is not the be all end all. While you are tormented that he will never be in your life again, I can safely say that when your emotions for him have gone, the thought won't scare you and I dare say may not even make you flinch. So, hold tight and when you have these thoughts, know that it's only temporary. It won't always be this way. FOR NOW, it may be the end of the world that you will never speak to him, but who knows, maybe a year from now you may actually cross paths, maybe a year from now you will actually ponder about him and even shoo it away -- don't set your mind into "always" or "never". It's too depressive and final. This is all temporary. Don't magnify it into something that seems like forever. It's too vast to carry on your shoulders right now. Just tell yourself FOR NOW, I cannot speak to him until I have completely moved on. For now it is going to be painful but I know I will get better. For now I know that no contact is the best thing for me.

 

Feeling unloveable because one man has decided that he cannot give you a relationship is really damaging to the soul. Your parents love you. Your friends find you loveable. Your dog/cat? Your siblings I am sure love you. This isn't about you being unloveable. You are loveable. But in relationships feelings have the potential of changing. That doesn't make you unloveable. Just because his feelings for you have changed, it doesn't mean it changes your value. I am sure he still cares for you and possibly still has love for you but his expectations have changed and his needs/wants have changed. Don't denigrate yourself because someone has chosen to leave your life.

 

Yes, your happiness starts from within. If you aren't happy with yourself, you will never have anything to give another person that is entering your life. All you will do is suck the life out of them because your happines is dependent on them.

 

You're right. I know, thank you

[bluegreen]

Zahara is right to you this might have be shock and all of sudden.

But to him he walked out perhaps weeks ago if not more once he made a decision to do it it was done.

IF IN MEAN TIME he acted normal ate slept with you went out and all that he is SCUM and lover than that.

One day you will laugh two you will cry why you ask because for you process is just starting now and you have a lot to catch up on.

So take baby steps one at a time come back here a lot talk to us try to understand us as we do you.

 

We been there o boy have we been there or what.

Someone is always here and if one us looses patience there is someone else to jump in and take over.

 

Truly this is community with some amazing people use that gift for all that is worth