Supes Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 There is a girl I have been seeing over the last 3 and a half weeks. Everything has been going great, I've been intorudced to her friends and some of her family over the last few weeks. I've been introduced to them as someone she's dating. Her friends say that she's never introduced them to anyone she's been seeing before which is good. We met online and this afternoon I asked if we should delete our accounts at this stage. She hesitated and said that she thinks it's way too early in the relationship to do that. She said that she is afraid of commitment but likes the way things are going and would like to continue like this for a while. She also said she's not seeing anyone else while she's seeing me. My problem now is how do I continue from here? I would like to think that I'm not wasting my time hanging out with her but I'm worried that I may just be a placeholder until someone else comes along. That being said though she's made some big steps with me like introducing me to people in her life. I feel like she's letting me in but this is a bit of a shock and I'm not too sure how to process it. Should I get out? Should I go on cruise control? Should I try talk about it again? Any advice?
AntiSocal Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 How old are you guys? Have you had sex with her or put the moves on her yet? If not you need to do that ASAP. She could be holding out for a better guy. Or she could just be trying to take things slow. If i was you i would pull back a little bit and just let the relationship run its course. Don't try to define it again. Meet up with her, have fun, go home. For whatever reason she isn't ready to get super serious. Only time will tell what her real intentions are. Also guard your heart. Most of the girls that i meet would be ecstatic to jump into a serious relationship with me after two weeks. Usually when a girl really likes you its never to soon for anything. Then again i'm young. She could have just became more cautious with age and wants to really get to know the real you before jumping into things. EITHER WAY just stop trying to define it and put labels on it. Don't have another relationship discussion like that until she brings it up. Balls in her court now. 1
Gaeta Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 Ask her if she is not seeing anyone else then why does she need an active dating profile? So she is not ready to commit, did she mention this to you on first contact or this is news to you after 3 weeks dating? If it doesn't develop into anything with you then she can get another profile going in 3 minutes. Sounds to me like she's not deleting it because she's following some silly dating rules.
Author Supes Posted March 27, 2014 Author Posted March 27, 2014 Sounds to me like she's not deleting it because she's following some silly dating rules. What kind of dating rules would they be? We both stated early on that we didn't think we'd click with each other as well as we did. I don't think either of us was ready for a full on relationship straight away but I did end up falling for her and I thought that she was the same hence me asking her if she wants to delete her account. I guess that was my way of tip toeing around asking if she wants to be exclusive.
Sweetnothing Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 Sounds like she's keeping her options open. You should too. Then she'll feel dumb when you find a girl who's awesome and ready to commit. Sounds like you two aren't on the same page so you should back off and don't focus on her. She's NOT your only option. Do you know how many girls would love a guy like you? If I had a dollar for every girl I had to listen to (including myself!) whining about a guy not committing I'd quit my job. 3
Gaeta Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 What kind of dating rules would they be? We both stated early on that we didn't think we'd click with each other as well as we did. I don't think either of us was ready for a full on relationship straight away but I did end up falling for her and I thought that she was the same hence me asking her if she wants to delete her account. I guess that was my way of tip toeing around asking if she wants to be exclusive. Silly rules like not deleting her profile after 3 weeks. Because this is a relationship just 3 weeks old I will say give it a little more time, give it another month and reassess. If in another month she still feels the need to be online then let it go. 3
Haydn Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 Sorry OP. I would like to see you wait a bit longer before you take any hasty action. When a woman really likes a man she will weigh up many things. Being cautious never hurt anyone. My Grandfather lived in the West Indies and they had a saying `Slowly slowly catch the monkey`. Which i guess means patience. take care. 8
Author Supes Posted March 27, 2014 Author Posted March 27, 2014 Sorry OP. I would like to see you wait a bit longer before you take any hasty action. When a woman really likes a man she will weigh up many things. Being cautious never hurt anyone. My Grandfather lived in the West Indies and they had a saying `Slowly slowly catch the monkey`. Which i guess means patience. take care. So my best course is to just keep a wall up but not to let it show. Try not to get too involved with her and just have fun while it lasts?
Haydn Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 I really would not like to tell you what you should do. What feels right to you Supes? In your gut, i mean? If you can build a connection and it feels right then you don`t need a wall. You will feel it i think. So my best course is to just keep a wall up but not to let it show. Try not to get too involved with her and just have fun while it lasts? 1
Author Supes Posted March 28, 2014 Author Posted March 28, 2014 I really would not like to tell you what you should do. What feels right to you Supes? In your gut, i mean? If you can build a connection and it feels right then you don`t need a wall. You will feel it i think. I guess in my gut my best option is to meet up with her tomorrow, go for dinner, catch up, play it cool and light and then try to limit my contact with her over the weekend and play the rest of it out and see what happens...
Chico333 Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 I agree to do whatever you feel is right. I feel like sometimes people get too caught up in expectations, which is where labeling comes into play. I myself fall victim to that normally. This time I decided to try keep things cool with the person I've been seeing and try to let things just progress naturally as he was definitely taking his time, which was very frustrating and uncomfortable for me at times because I wanted to know exactly where this was heading. If someone is trying to figure out how they feel about the other person I know that if the other person brings up the question about where this is heading, it can cause the other person to feel pressured if they have not decided yet. Some people have a time frame for how long they are and aren't willing to wait. The most I had ever waited was 2 months before now. This time I let the limbo go one for 3 months. I was ok with it because he was respectful in every way even though I knew he was not sure what he wanted out of this. For me, I told myself I was willing to let it go for 1 more month and now things are progressing really well into a more serious relationship and it feels natural because no one put pressure on the other for anything. We are both in our late 20's. Everyone has different expectations, but I'm learning that it may be better to try and let things flow naturally as long as there's respect.
Eggplant Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 Why are you in a rush to commit after 3 weeks? You hardly even know her. Don't commit till you're sure she's the one. I'd say 2 months minimum. Don't take down your profile either. Date other women. 3
GemmaUK Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 Why not just go with the flow and enjoy yourself? Why limit contact? She'll just assume you're not interested if your current contact suddenly lessens it'll break any trust and closeness that is growing. You will then be back to square one. She has told you she isn't dating anyone else, respect that and do the same for her. Relationships build over time. It actually sounds like you're a little desperate to be honest. Just relax and enjoy the dates, take it day by day. That is what she is doing.
kane30us Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 3.5 weeks is way too fast. Give it a few months or when things really feel right, then bring it up. Just go with the flow but pay attention to red flags. If things are good now, be happy about that. If you over think things you will lose her and make your self miserable. Trust me. I've been there!!
TB Rhine Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 He didn't answer about whether or not he's engaged physically with her (or to what extent). If you haven't at least kissed (preferably hit it), she's probably just stringing you along for free dinners and the like. If you have, then she's used to being the one who has to ask "where is this going?" ("are we exclusive yet," etc.) and was thrown when you did it. If you haven't hit it, do so. If she turns you away, she was just stringing you along, and it's time to fish or cut bait.
Noproblem Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 I think she is not ready ..That is it It's up to you to make her ready or not ...... Running away will not help ... 1
Chico333 Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 I also agree that 3.5 weeks is way too soon to bring the subject up. If you guys are still dating by 2-3 months then that gives you two time to get to know each other. I'm assuming you two have already slept together only because if you hadn't you wouldn't be thinking about it this seriously. You definitely don't even know each other barely at all at 3 1/2 weeks, which does make you sound a little bit desperate to be honest. If you were more secure and confident with yourself you wouldn't be worrying so much about it at this point, which DEFINITELY turn a girl off (if she's secure and confident with herself). Don't pull away, just give her what she gives you. Nothing more and nothing less until things start to progress on both ends. 1
Eggplant Posted March 29, 2014 Posted March 29, 2014 If you haven't hit it, do so. If she turns you away, she was just stringing you along, and it's time to fish or cut bait.No, it's not a good bet to assume she's stringing you along just because she isn't ready for sex.
TB Rhine Posted March 29, 2014 Posted March 29, 2014 After nearly a month? I don't buy that at all. If she's interested, she would have slept with him by now. After that, if she were interested enough to have something serious with him, she'd be ready to take the leap. People hem and haw and say "I'm not ready" with people they're ambivalent about, then jump into bed with the person who excites them. Next thing you know they have a boyfriend/girlfriend.
Gottabestrong Posted March 29, 2014 Posted March 29, 2014 Should I get out? Should I go on cruise control? Should I try talk about it again? Any advice? If you have fun on the dates with her, continue seeing her. Try not to focus on the end goal - making her your girlfriend presumably - but enjoy the process of getting to know her. My boyfriend was very eager from the start and if it were up to him we would have been exclusive by date 2 and seeing each other twice a week from the start. I felt a bit overwhelmed and pressured because I was still taking my time getting to know him and did not want to rush into anything. Mostly because I have been burned in the past. So 3 weeks in I even told him that we should probably just be friends because I was not ready and felt like he was on a schedule that I could not keep up with. I was still getting to know him and he was ready to call me his girlfriend. He agreed to take it slow and be more patient. Two months later we are in a committed relationship and I am crazy about him. So I think her wanting to take it slow does not necessarily mean she is waiting for something better to come along, she might just be cautious. My advice is to give it a bit more time, don't wait forever but maybe give it 2-3 months before you revisit the conversation. She already said she was only seeing you, so just enjoy dating her and show her through your behavior that you are an amazing guy and that she would be crazy to not give this is a chance. Good luck! 3
Author Supes Posted March 29, 2014 Author Posted March 29, 2014 Cool. I just really find myself falling for her. Maybe if I cool off a little and chat to other girls I may get my mind off her a bit more?
topaMAXX Posted March 29, 2014 Posted March 29, 2014 OP have you had sex with her yet? OP seems to be avoiding this question, which likely means that he did not have sex with her yet. OP, if you did have with her already, then she is not looking for something long term and is probably just interested in validation and attention. In this case, either make her a FWB and pursue seriously dating other girls (though, you don't seem like this type of guy) or just drop her completely and forget about her (probably the best option for you). If you did not have sex with her yet, maybe she is just taking it slow. However, the fact that she's keeping her options open likely means that she's searching for the bigger better deal. If she finds it, then she will likely either fade or abruptly go NC. I'd say that this is the most likely scenario. Either way, good luck! 1
Tayken Posted March 29, 2014 Posted March 29, 2014 If I were you, I'll just go along with it and tap that as many times as possible cos it might all end tomorrow. The last thing you want to do is force a girl to be with you There is a girl I have been seeing over the last 3 and a half weeks. Everything has been going great, I've been intorudced to her friends and some of her family over the last few weeks. I've been introduced to them as someone she's dating. Her friends say that she's never introduced them to anyone she's been seeing before which is good. We met online and this afternoon I asked if we should delete our accounts at this stage. She hesitated and said that she thinks it's way too early in the relationship to do that. She said that she is afraid of commitment but likes the way things are going and would like to continue like this for a while. She also said she's not seeing anyone else while she's seeing me. My problem now is how do I continue from here? I would like to think that I'm not wasting my time hanging out with her but I'm worried that I may just be a placeholder until someone else comes along. That being said though she's made some big steps with me like introducing me to people in her life. I feel like she's letting me in but this is a bit of a shock and I'm not too sure how to process it. Should I get out? Should I go on cruise control? Should I try talk about it again? Any advice? 1
Eggplant Posted March 30, 2014 Posted March 30, 2014 If she's interested, she would have slept with him by now.I respectfully disagree. Apparently, however, the only acceptable behavior around here seems to be diving headfirst immediately into a serious committed relationship. Getting to know a person naturally in a casual environment and thus avoiding a train-wreck doesn't get any points. If she's not ready to commit, and she's slept with him, posters say she's loose. If she's not ready to commit, and she hasn't slept with him, posters say she's using him. In any case, you'd better commit ASAP. 1
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