isisisweeping Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 Okay. I met this guy who is funny, smart, fun... We get a long great. But, I have decided I can pursue anything romantic. It's been a while since date two but we still text. I am not positive he's even interested because he didn't go for a kiss after date two, he let me pay my half, and he invited me out again post date but has not been very aggressive about it. He's almost perfect- even objectively good looking- but he looks a freakish amount like my brother. I thought I could get over it or he'd look less like my brother with time, but no luck. I don't want to lead him on and while there's still a chance Id get past it, there's no guarantee. How and when should I say this? Should I let him know about the familial resemblance? I don't want him to think it's him because it's really not. Thanks.
tbf Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 The impression I'm getting is that you're trying to find an excuse to preemptively reject him since it feels like he's not terribly interested, from lack of aggressive pursuit. 2
Sweetnothing Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 You don't have to tell him the specifics, just say you don't feel a connection. There's nothing he can do about the way he looks so he might think yours being unfair, though it is a valid reason. Just tell him soon. 1
Author isisisweeping Posted March 28, 2014 Author Posted March 28, 2014 The impression I'm getting is that you're trying to find an excuse to preemptively reject him since it feels like he's not terribly interested, from lack of aggressive pursuit. Nope. I mean, he's asked me out a couple times since the second date- so I wouldn't read it as no interest. I think that's more hopeful thinking to ease my guilt over rejecting a decent guy through no fault of his own. I knew it might be an issue after date one and talked to a lot of friends and they encourages me to give it more of a chance... But he initiates texts a few times daily now and I'm feeling guilty. Do you think you could date a sibling doppelgänger?
tbf Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 Nope. I mean, he's asked me out a couple times since the second date- so I wouldn't read it as no interest. I think that's more hopeful thinking to ease my guilt over rejecting a decent guy through no fault of his own. I knew it might be an issue after date one and talked to a lot of friends and they encourages me to give it more of a chance... But he initiates texts a few times daily now and I'm feeling guilty. Do you think you could date a sibling doppelgänger?Have you put pictures of the two side by side? This might help to solidify or defray likeness. If former, it's best to suggest friendship now. If latter, your problem's solved.
Author isisisweeping Posted March 28, 2014 Author Posted March 28, 2014 Have you put pictures of the two side by side? This might help to solidify or defray likeness. If former, it's best to suggest friendship now. If latter, your problem's solved. No... I did show a picture to my other brother and he thought it WAS a picture of my brother.
TB Rhine Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 This makes me wonder about the nature of your feelings toward your brother, more than anything else. In the meantime, cut the poor guy loose... you're obviously gonna put him through hell if you don't.
tbf Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 No... I did show a picture to my other brother and he thought it WAS a picture of my brother.If he looks exactly like your brother, why did you accept the first date? That's a bit too close for comfort.
Trnamakesnse Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 I will say I'm shy. I will not aggressively pursue ANY woman EVER. I want gentle friendship and kind love. Don't hold it against a man for wanting to be your friend and being gentle. If that isn't what you want then ok, but he isn't wrong for wanting it that way it's up to you though. Not all men hunt some are just sort of there when you need them and kind.
LovelyDay Posted April 21, 2014 Posted April 21, 2014 This same thing happened to me actually. I just straight up told her that she reminded me too much of my SIL. It was early on so she was pretty fine with it.
deathandtaxes Posted April 21, 2014 Posted April 21, 2014 I was gonna say just give it time, especially if he's showing interest. But what you bring up regarding looking like your brother, that's a weird thing to take. It touches on all that sibling taboo stuff and that could be hard to shake. But you asked how to do it? Just say 'thanks for the dates, but I just don't see this working.' Which is true in a way, even if not the whole story.
deathandtaxes Posted April 21, 2014 Posted April 21, 2014 This same thing happened to me actually. I just straight up told her that she reminded me too much of my SIL. It was early on so she was pretty fine with it. Lol! This is a bit of a different situation. Your SIL ain't your sister. And it is very not uncommon for brothers to wanna get sweet with their SILs. So I'm curious as to what this lady's response was when you said she reminded you of your SIL?
Gaeta Posted April 21, 2014 Posted April 21, 2014 I would tell him the truth. I have a rare family name, I ended up on a first date once where I discovered he had my last name....we had a oh-oh moment. I asked where his dad was from, he was from the same little village lost in the middle of nowhere that my dad is from. He did not mind, I could not go on. Suddenly he felt like a cousin to me.
Valen Posted April 21, 2014 Posted April 21, 2014 He's almost perfect- even objectively good looking- but he looks a freakish amount like my brother. :laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh: This reminds me of my friend who refuse to date within his race because those girls reminds him of his sisters.
ThreatLevelMidnight Posted April 21, 2014 Posted April 21, 2014 Reading your post made me chuckle a bit, sounds like a Seinfeld episode. Jerry always finds these beautiful women who have this random, trivial, yet inexcusable flaw. I don't think it's fair to say you're making excuses to leave him, as it's only been two dates. Looking like your sibling is a pretty good reason to not date someone. If he asks, just tell him you're not ready to date right now.
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