i finally dont want that second chance

[awesome0]

I just wanted to say thank you to everyone on LS that's been here to share their stories as well as give me advice on mine. I posted for the first time the other day after I had a horrible exchange with my ex. I had sent her a closure letter wishing her the best last week after 2 months of NC because I felt I had finally reached the point where I was moving on and she texted asking me to call, I never should have, she had called for no other reason to inform that she had a new bf. It sent me down a spiral and back to square one. I went to here house the next day had an awful Sarah Marshall moment of begging and pleading and that was that. When I posted here that night everyone had excellent advice on what I should have done differently but firstly never break NC until you are ready. Two days later I got up this morning and felt great. I cant explain it, I had been depressed for a while, this was the first time I had been in love and its a feeling I didn't want to lose, that's why I felt the need to tell her one last time how much she meant to me. She was annoyed I was rejected but now I just have some sort of feeling of repulse for someone I put on a pedestal. I was told to play the game, disappear and they will come back. I'm not telling anyone how to do anything, but I consider myself a good person, I have a great career and financially I do pretty well, but I'm not a believer in nice guys finish last, so I feel no remorse whatsoever about making that last attempt. NC is the ONLY rule to go by after break up for sure but if someone doesn't want to be with me for whatever reason no matter how good I was to them, how good I made them feel than I don't want that second chance. I'm not saying I fully over it by any means, but today for the first time in months I don't want my ex back. She was good to me at times, but she was supposed to be my partner, to be there for me, but now I clearly see the selfishness and the lies she gave to me over the last month or so of the relationship. I don't blame her, she has every right to make her self happy, but like I said I don't want her anymore. thanks for reading and thanks to everyone for continuing on this site, it's great and incredibly helpful, and everyone keep your head up. From my perspective if you are not good enough for them, why want them back?