Cocochai Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 How did it go and were there times where they still reached out? Where are you today since going NC long term? The longest NC I've ever been was 3 months... I haven't seen XMM since end of Jan of this year and I'm starting over again NC w/ communicating. Tell your story please.
ladydesigner Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 I am a fMOW and have been NC for 5 years. I can't say that it was easy, but the further away from the A and the longer in NC the better I got. I realized I had to go through the pain to come out the other side. Same thing with becoming a BS ( I am both fMOW and BS). I had to g through that pain to get out the other side. For me to move on I knew in my mind that it was not healthy for me to be in contact with XAP. I did not break NC once I established it. Did I want to break it? At times yes, but it would have placed me 100 steps backwards in my healing. Things that helped me get through NC: Friends and family Exercising Getting involved in something new Redirecting my thoughts Lot's of therapy Reading and participating at LS 4
Author Cocochai Posted March 28, 2014 Author Posted March 28, 2014 Thanks for sharing ^^ Gosh only ONE longterm NC so far??? I'm in trouble then 1
KaliLove Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 It's just like any other break up. Have you ever broken up with anyone before? How did you get over it when you did?
Hope Shimmers Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 It's just like any other break up. Have you ever broken up with anyone before? How did you get over it when you did? In my opinion it's absolutely and completely different than any other breakup. I have broken up from several long-term relationships before, including a several year engagement and a 16 year marriage, and none even came close to being as hard as this break up. I think I speak for others here based on other posts I've read. 8
lilmisscantbewrong Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 I have been no contact with xmom for 4 years now. Now I have seen him physically once in the same establishment about 1 1/2 years after and passed him in cars a couple of times, but I honestly haven't seen him still all in a long time. I have been very strict about looking at anything online. It has been a long hard road. We are from the same hometown - there will most likely be a time we come face to face - it is inevitable. But the time has been needed - I am finally in a strong place. Were there times I wanted to reach out? Absolutely. But I have had some wonderful girlfriends who have had my back. He never had my best interests at heart - he burned my husband and burned my children and allowed his wife to do the same. Very very sad as he was my husbands friend - or said he was. 2
Author Cocochai Posted March 28, 2014 Author Posted March 28, 2014 In my opinion it's absolutely and completely different than any other breakup. I have broken up from several long-term relationships before, including a several year engagement and a 16 year marriage, and none even came close to being as hard as this break up. I think I speak for others here based on other posts I've read. I was just about to say this... It's not like any other relationship I've felt w/ before because it's a FORCED closer... Whether from it being a Dday, MM/MW disappearing or OW/OM ending it. I've never been in a longterm R where we keep coming back or... Me allowing him to keep coming back. 3
Mickey1982 Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 In my opinion it's absolutely and completely different than any other breakup. I have broken up from several long-term relationships before, including a several year engagement and a 16 year marriage, and none even came close to being as hard as this break up. I think I speak for others here based on other posts I've read. I have to agree---NOTHING compares to this break-up for me as well.....One thing that resonates with me is the fact that the break-up for me occured while we were 'in love.' We were not in the midst of an arguement or in any discussions having to do with breaking up. Ironically, we were at one of the 'highest' points in our relationship and were planning a getaway to Miami! When it comes out of the blue and you feel the 'rug has been pulled out' from under you, it hurts like heck and will for a very LONG TIME. 3
Waverly Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 Just another vote here for "this is nothing like a normal breakup". Heartache is heartache, yes, but the pain here is so much worse. I've been through a bad breakup in the past, but this is a thousand times worse. It didn't end because one of us changed our mind, it ended because it had to. We also had to go back to our lives and pretend that everything was fine -- there was no staying in bed all day crying or going out with friends to drown my sorrows. Nobody could even know about my sorrows. The feelings here are just all so complicated. If I had had any idea how awful the fallout would be, I would never ever have gotten involved. And I say that without either of us even having had a D-day. I know it could be so much worse. 4
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