jinandjuice Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 Would you date multiple people at the same time? How far would you go with them each until it started to become exclusive? How long would you date multiple people for?
d0nnivain Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 I have dated multiple people very casually. Casual means no sex. Sex is for exclusive relationships. If I feel chemistry with somebody I slowly whittle away the others, usually pretty quickly if I really like one person & the attraction is mutual. There may be a good night kiss for non-exclusive but nothing more. It varies from person to person. Some people are OK with multiple sex partners. The key is communication but especially with something like OLD you have to assume the other person is dating multiple people at least until you talk about it & decide to be exclusive. 3
Hello_is_it_me Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 I did it and to the point of sleeping with different ppl around the same time. I never liked it though. Being in one committed relationship is so much more stable, fun, and satisfying. (unless you pick a nut job for the relationship which I also have a special knack for it seems lol) 1
Joaquin Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 Until I wanted to be exclusive with one of them. I pretty much do what I could get away with. Never lie about exclusivity though. If they ask, and you can't deliver, be honest about it.
Author jinandjuice Posted March 27, 2014 Author Posted March 27, 2014 I have dated multiple people very casually. Casual means no sex. Sex is for exclusive relationships. If I feel chemistry with somebody I slowly whittle away the others, usually pretty quickly if I really like one person & the attraction is mutual. There may be a good night kiss for non-exclusive but nothing more. It varies from person to person. Some people are OK with multiple sex partners. The key is communication but especially with something like OLD you have to assume the other person is dating multiple people at least until you talk about it & decide to be exclusive. What about no sex but fingering, hand jobs, making out? I find it dating multiple people for a short amount of time to be fine until you see one worth spending serious time with. Then you should drop the others.
thecrucible Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 I did this before and I felt awful doing it, even though I was up front about it with anyone I went on a date with (btw what man wants to hear that on a date?). I wouldn't do it again. I think it's hard to try and feel something special with one person when there are others in the back of your mind. It fed into my indecisiveness. Now I know that if I'm seeing someone and I still want to go shopping, then either they are not doing it for me at that time or I'm a bit of a commitment phobic. I'm still in that state of mind now and can't fix it, but at least I am not actually multiple dating. I would rather pick one person and try really hard with them to see if it works out. I flit between wanting a relationship and then not wanting one, or being interested in someone and then not being sure and ah. I'd say any man who encounters me would probably see me as a flake at the moment
central Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 I've dated two or three at the same time. It would continue until either one was clearly a better mutual match than the rest, or someone clearly was not a good match and was no longer a prospect. The time frame was usually no more than a month or several dates. If it became sexual with one, I wouldn't with any others unless non-exclusivity were discussed and disclosed, and their preferences and boundaries taken into account including safe sex. I did have one fully disclosed non-exclusive sexual relationship with two that lasted a few months, one of which was primarily a casual FWB scenario.
Author jinandjuice Posted March 27, 2014 Author Posted March 27, 2014 I did this before and I felt awful doing it, even though I was up front about it with anyone I went on a date with (btw what man wants to hear that on a date?). I wouldn't do it again. I think it's hard to try and feel something special with one person when there are others in the back of your mind. It fed into my indecisiveness. Now I know that if I'm seeing someone and I still want to go shopping, then either they are not doing it for me at that time or I'm a bit of a commitment phobic. I'm still in that state of mind now and can't fix it, but at least I am not actually multiple dating. I would rather pick one person and try really hard with them to see if it works out. I flit between wanting a relationship and then not wanting one, or being interested in someone and then not being sure and ah. I'd say any man who encounters me would probably see me as a flake at the moment What would flip the switch to make you want a relationship? How did you lose your "commitment phobia" assuming you lost it?
Lernaean_Hydra Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 Would you date multiple people at the same time? How far would you go with them each until it started to become exclusive? How long would you date multiple people for? I just recently found out I'm not the type of person who actually does well with multi-dating past the very initial stages. I've also recently discovered that being sexually intimate with more than one person at a time (meaning within a few days, weeks etc) does not feel good for me....emotionally. So basically my answer would be a tentative yes, given only that I was seeing a few people and it was all still in the early stages. I don't think I could be six or so dates in with Guy A then start going out with Guy B I met in a bar last weekend.
Joaquin Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 What about no sex but fingering, hand jobs, making out? I find it dating multiple people for a short amount of time to be fine until you see one worth spending serious time with. Then you should drop the others. Fingering and handjobs don't count buddy. 1
ffw Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 Would you date multiple people at the same time? How far would you go with them each until it started to become exclusive? How long would you date multiple people for? Call me an old fashioned, but I never dated multiple people nor I will. Also, I think it's important that people clarify the word, "dating". To me dating means meeting someone for a cup of coffee, meal or a planned activity. It give us the opportunity to see if we have enough in common to take it to another level. There is no sex. I don't have much free time and would prefer to try to take the time I have to get to know someone better. If we both felt a connection and shared a kiss that would take it from a dating "friendship" to another level in my book and I would not see anyone else. Should we progress to the point where intimacy might be an option I would have a more involved talk regarding exclusivity to make certain we were on the same page. I'm sorry, In my opinion, I think having multiple sex partners is gross. 5
thecrucible Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 What would flip the switch to make you want a relationship? How did you lose your "commitment phobia" assuming you lost it? I think not being unemployed would help. I don't know. I meet perfectly decent guys and I used to be turned off by those and go for the jerks. I am over going for jerks now (thank God) but find it hard to feel chemistry with guys I feel like I should feel chemistry with. This makes me question whether I really want to settle down because I like longing and curiosity at the beginning when you don't know whether they really like you. When I know a guy wants me as a girlfriend before we've been on a date, I can't handle it and for some reason makes me friendzone him . I hate that because I want something more. Maybe I should put more effort into it. It's not as if I make no effort, I'm just quite traditional and like men to take the lead rather than ask me. Everything is so confusing. Sorry rambling...I don't multiple date anymore because it caused a lot of trouble. To be honest, it got too far with one of them and then ruined things with a guy I really did like. He didn't really embrace the idea of multiple dating. He wanted me all to himself after one date. But then when we were in a relationship he was quite possessive but wanted to flirt with whoever he wanted. But even so, I have decided that I'd rather keep a good reputation and be under the radar. I live in a small town and I don't want to look like I'm dating the whole town and jumping from one guy to another. In short, I don't know whether or not I'm a commitment phobic but it just hasn't clicked with anyone for a while.
smackie9 Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 I dated a few people at a time, but it would be one or two dates then bye bye. Sex I wouldn't bother with or I would have a fling here or there with someone I knew, like an ex BF (ex BF I was only with for a month). That is what dating is all about...kicking some tires til you find the right one. I'm tired of these women that think, that when a guy takes them out on a first or second dated they are exclusive or expect they are, and he is not going out with someone else that week. I had this arguement before, basically it's only one of two dates, it's none of their busness if they have another date that week. But I would question someone who is imtimate with someone on a regular basis and still goes out on dates....that wouldn't fly with me. 2
Joaquin Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 When I know a guy wants me as a girlfriend before we've been on a date, I can't handle it and for some reason makes me friendzone him . I hate that because I want something more. Maybe I should put more effort into it. This is why guys need to keep options and not focus on a girl too early.
Phantom888 Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 I have dated multiple people very casually. Casual means no sex. Sex is for exclusive relationships. If I feel chemistry with somebody I slowly whittle away the others, usually pretty quickly if I really like one person & the attraction is mutual. There may be a good night kiss for non-exclusive but nothing more. It varies from person to person. Some people are OK with multiple sex partners. The key is communication but especially with something like OLD you have to assume the other person is dating multiple people at least until you talk about it & decide to be exclusive. This is EXACTLY how I date. I dated a few women at the same time, and I pursue the ONE I am really interested in, and we become exclusive. I do not have sex with any dates until we are exclusive. But I do kiss on the 1st date, and I do kiss when I date casually. It usually takes me about 2-3 weeks of dating before I know for sure who to pick. When I met my fiancee, I actually went on a date with someone else 5 days prior. That woman was awesome... we made out heavily in my car, and made plans to have a quiet evening at her place a week later (maybe for sex). The morning after I met my fiancee, I called all the women I had been seeing and told them I have decided to not see them any more. I only wanted to concentrate on ONE woman. This is after only 1 date, and I was sure she's THE ONE. I removed my Match online profile, and told her that I only want to date her. It was very unlike me to be so bold and move so fast, but when you meet THE ONE, all the rules go out the door. I was so sure about her I could have bet my life on her. Bottom line: As long as you are not having sex with any of your dates, multi-dating is a great way to really explore what kinds of women you like.
regine_phalange Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 No, I don't. It would make me feel uncomfortable and overwhelmed.
d0nnivain Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 What about no sex but fingering, hand jobs, making out? . All of those things are sex to me. I meant what I said. Dating multiple people for me means limiting physical contact to good night kiss ONLY, which also excludes long make out sessions. There is only so much you can do fully clothed standing up. If I wanted a ONS, NSA sex, or some kind of FWB interaction, that's a different story. However, after making that choice, it's unfair to cry that you were used. 2
RedRobin Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 ^^ same here. Extended make out sessions with clothes on or off doesn't happen with someone I am just getting to know. I have to feel fairly certain that I am the only person he is seeing.... And I don't go on words alone. If we are making out, I have seen other evidence of his interest. After the make out session comes the STD tests and more verification of intentions....If he is washy washy at that phase... Things don't progress. That is where the real rubber hits the road for me... And also a great way for me to determine if I missed anything in the due diligence phase...
Sweetnothing Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 I've dated multiple guys at once (no sex) and it was great! Definitely kept things in perspective. Instead of falling head over heels for the first guy who complimented me, I could take my time and figure out which one was the best. When you know you have plenty of options it keeps you from acting desperate. I'm on a break from dating at the moment, but I would definitely recommend dating around. 1
Author jinandjuice Posted March 28, 2014 Author Posted March 28, 2014 Lots of great responses. One of my friends has been dating and talking to two guys now. One for about 8-9 months and the other 6 months. I told her that it was inappropriate and she should stop and choose one before **** hits the fan but assured me she was single and could do what she wanted.
Targetlock Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 nope wouldn't do that, I'm a one woman at a time kind of man and I'd be lucky just to get one and make the most of it. 2
d0nnivain Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 Lots of great responses. One of my friends has been dating and talking to two guys now. One for about 8-9 months and the other 6 months. I told her that it was inappropriate and she should stop and choose one before **** hits the fan but assured me she was single and could do what she wanted. There is nothing inappropriate about what she's doing. It only becomes bad if she leads them to believe they are exclusive. Heck, although I couldn't / wouldn't she could have a polyamorous relationship if everybody involved was on board with that. The key is open & honest communication. 1
WP4046 Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 Would you date multiple people at the same time? How far would you go with them each until it started to become exclusive? How long would you date multiple people for? It's easier for a woman to date multiple people because she is not expected to pay how many guys can treat 3 or 4 different woman? LOL
Author jinandjuice Posted March 28, 2014 Author Posted March 28, 2014 There is nothing inappropriate about what she's doing. It only becomes bad if she leads them to believe they are exclusive. Heck, although I couldn't / wouldn't she could have a polyamorous relationship if everybody involved was on board with that. The key is open & honest communication. I agree with the polyamorous relationship but how long is too long? I told her a couple of months should suffice but she is very indescisive. Hell I date multiple women at times but usually fade away from the ones I am not interested in even if they are interested in me. That at maximum takes 2 months depending on the frequency I get to see them.
WP4046 Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 Do some of the women in this thread really expect us to believe they were not intimate with more than one guy? lol 1
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