Trapp-er Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 My ex and I broke up about 7.5 months ago. I’ve gone on a couple dates here and there since we split up, but honestly just wasn’t ready to get back in the game yet. Lately, however, I'm feeling great and recently I started dating again. A close friend insisted that I sign up for Tinder. She picked out my pics, etc., and I’ve had a lot of fun with the format of the app. One girl that I matched with is great. She is very attractive, witty, responsive, and our messages felt as if we have a naturally strong and fun connection. I suggested a meet for drinks over the past weekend and she eagerly agreed. The next day we chatted more and she suggested we grab a drink that night to make sure we get on before spending a whole afternoon together on the weekend. I agreed, and we met up at a pub near her house. We have the best time. Honestly, it was probably the best date I’ve ever had as far as banter, connection, laughs and chemistry goes. She’s insanely attractive and she was very attracted to me. She even liked my big nose! We have a couple beers, we are flirting a lot and the date is going better than expected. At one point we just naturally kiss and when we stop she’s got an ear-to-ear grin on her face--and so do I. We keep laughing and having fun, but now that the physical chemistry is confirmed we just snog a bunch more. It was getting late so we headed out. I walked her back to her flat, her arm was wrapped around my waist and mine was wrapped around her shoulder and we just blabbed about how good the date was. We stopped and snogged more and then we arrived at her flat. We chatted outside her door for a bit; she told me she had a great time, etc. We wrapped up the date after a few more minutes of kissing and I headed home, very glad indeed that my friend insisted I join Tinder. Here’s the rub. The next day we banter back and forth a bit more via text. And later in the week I suggest a plan forgetting together over the weekend and ask her availability. She responds that she had a blast with me but that she just doesn’t want to take it any further. As you can guess, I’m quite surprised by this given the chemistry, the laughs, the kissing that ensued on the first date and I tell her so. I ask what the issue is. I confirm that I thought we had excellent chemistry, that we were very attracted to each other, etc. She eagerly agrees that it was a great date, that she had a blast and that she is really attracted to me, but she restates that she just doesn’t want to take it any further. Now, I know that I probably should have just let it lie at this point, but for me, meeting a woman that I feel this kind of connection with is quite rare, so I pressed the issue. I asked if she is married, has a boyfriend, or if she’s scared? She replied that she’s not married, that she’s not seeing anyone else, but just doesn’t want to go any further. I’m stumped. I explained that to her press again and she reluctantly tells me that she has cancer and that she’s having a procedure to remove the cancer the following week and that she’s just not interested in men in general right now. I was dumbfounded. She then told me that I should leave her alone now. I felt like fool for pressing the point and I realize I probably upset her in doing so. I apologized but restated the fact that I really want to see her again and that I hope she will change her mind. I’ve since heard nothing from her, but I would like to see her again in the future. I know how serious her medical issue is and I know to respect her wishes to leave her alone. All the same, this girl struck a chord with me. I’m curious what people think and whether anyone here might offer some insights on what, if anything, I might do to stay on her radar for when she feels ready to date again. Thanks for reading!
TXGuy Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 I think you should leave her alone. You have already pressed past a perfectly valid response (I don't see this going further) several times. She will likely not be as polite the next time you try. I'm on the fence about whether I believe the cancer story or not. It might have been a desperate attempt to get you to leave her alone. Either way, you should leave her alone.
Author Trapp-er Posted March 27, 2014 Author Posted March 27, 2014 I know leaving her alone is the only option. Chalk it up to a good date. Thanks for the response!
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