What to do?

[BklynGuy]

I met a girl on my job late last year. We had a very strong attraction to eachother and got very close quickly. Whenever we began to get close, she would end the "relationship" saying that's not what she wants but still wanted to do everything a couple does. She broke up with me 3 times. The 3rd time we were really getting close. I pulled away after that because I began to feel like she'd never be mine. Im still really caught up on this girl but I know she meets other guys. We're at different stages in our lives. I still really love her but the things she's doing kill me. I let go of the closeness we had and then moved onto another stage. I started talking to other girls but that didnt really interest me. Then she tells me she wants to work it out with us. But she is still not ready for a relationship and wants to take it really slow. I can take it slow with her but I wonder if Im setting myself up for more heartache and pain. I am 4 years older than her and we're both in our 20's. No relationship that I have been in prior to this one has been so painful to me. What's the right thing to do?

[LucreziaBorgia]

Originally posted by BklynGuy

I wonder if Im setting myself up for more heartache and pain.

 

Yes. As long as you continue to let her have this sort of relationship with you, she will do things no differently than she already is - because this works for her. She gets what she wants from your relationship so there really is no motivation on her part to change. Your pain and frustration ranks lower than her own needs in this relationship, and it sounds like she isn't open to compromise. She wants to be with you, hang out with you and be intimate with you but she doesn't want to be in a committed relationship with you.

 

 

Then she tells me she wants to work it out with us. But she is still not ready for a relationship and wants to take it really slow.

 

She wants to continue with things exactly as they are - she wants to make sure that you don't go anywhere by throwing in a faint glimmer of hope, and she is trying to make it sound as painless for you as possible without committing herself to something she can't back out of. It generally doesn't indicate that any real changes are going to be made.