blueshoe Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 Hello all, I'm a new member here and I've got a problem big time! I've been in a relationship for about a year, the second half was long distance (me in university, him travelling a lot for his work). My boyfriend and are a match like no other. neither one of us has ever found someone more compatible and in-tune with the others lifestyle, beliefs and personalities. I love him dearly. unfortunately the long-distance is hard, with no near end in sight (I need to finish my undergraduate and masters and school is my priority). we've been able to see each other every month, but… still. I was planning on returning to were we are from for the summer, but I have a job opportunity in another place which would be a good fit for me. That place happens to be a place he has to visit very often for work. About a week ago, we talked about it, and we were both very emotional. I suggested we think about breaking up as its painful to be apart. He said he loved me and that he didn't want to break up, that i was amazing, beautiful and strong and worth the distance. we left the discussion to think things over, the next morning, waking up fresh, i decided that he was worth it. i told him that, and he told me he thought it through, and does not want to have a girlfriend or the responsibilities that come with it. he wants to still talk to me, and go on adventures when we are in the same place- but doesn't want to be my boyfriend. Again he told me what an amazing, beautiful , strong women I was. upon further discussion, he said he felt like the "spark" wasn't there lately and he felt like he was a horrible boyfriend to me(because he was gone so much) but he felt like he really, really, really cared about me- but didn't know if that was the same as love. He still wants to be good friends, and do awesome things and go on adventures (hiking, river trips, caribou hunting etc) with me, just not be my boyfriend. I was very hurt, and I felt very betrayed but I am not one to mope or fall in a heap. So i said okay, if thats what you want. Then I severed contact via phone, Skype, Facebook, texts in order to give myself a fair chance to get over him. I feel like I can't move on with constant contact with him. I'm doing all right. I've got my head on my shoulders and I've made a deal with myself to grieve for a time but ultimately move on to other adventures with an open heart. Problem is day after I deleted him on Facebook- he just added me again! I didn't accept. he sent me a message this morning, telling me that he wished I wouldn't cut him out of my life completely and that he missed talking to me and that he hoped i was doing well. Does this mean he's regretting his choice!? Although, I'm young (early 20's), I feel like he is a guy that I could spend my life having adventures with and eventually a family. I've never met someone so good, kind, strong or inspiring or adventurous. But I also feel like we both need to do our own thing and concentrate on our goals right now. what the heck do I do? what the heck is HE doing? His confusing actions are making me confused now. I mean what is best, to continue on with my life having wonderful new experiences while meeting new people, or sticking it out with him if he deciders that he made a major mistake? or is it true we can be simply good friends?? Any help with this situation would be great!!!!
Grumpybutfun Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 He has the.... I want you if I can't have you syndrome. Keep NC and move on. He already rejected you and you him so you neither one are ready for a serious relationship with each other. Good luck, Grumps
KaliLove Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 Yup. I agree with Grumpy. You have to let him know that you can't be friends, and that he dumped you so he doesn't get to have you in his life anymore. He can't have his cake and eat it too.
Recommended Posts