baj040986 Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 So about 8 months ago during a weekly bowling league my team faced an all womens team. Within the first 30 minutes we were all cutting up having a good time and getting to know each other. I made a comment to one of my teammates that a girl on their team was very cute and seemed like a lot of fun. I even mentioned she reminded me a lot of his wife. Later that night I noticed she had a wedding ring and acted accordingly. Over the past several months we have become good friends and see each other on a weekly basis during league. About a month ago she mentioned that she had filed for divorce and that it would be finalized in April. Since then we have only gotten closer and I have started to really develop serious feelings for her. Her divorce isn't completely finalized but her husband has moved out for several months now and by her own admission it was a long time coming. I can understand her situation and would expect that after 9 years of marriage she wouldn't want to jump into another relationship right away. However, at the same time I cant seem to control my emotions around her. She posses all of the qualities I would want in a future wife and companion. While I want to maintain our friendship and help her through this difficult time in her life I cant help but feel like I'm crossing a line and not allowing her to move on before our relationship would/could develop. In my current predicament the hardest part is not wanting to lose her trust as a friend and someone I can openly discuss anything with. I don't want to be a rebound guy and have always wanted a committed long term relationship but what scares me is that in such a short time I feel that she is different in soo many ways from every woman I have ever met. I don't want to get myself hurt but I also don't want to make her uncomfortable. I am sure she has some knowledge that I have feelings for her but at what point do I let her know if at all? Am I rushing things? How do I control those emotions and still maintain a great friendship without closing the door on it becoming something more? How do I know if she feels the same or if she is just looking for someone safe to confide in? Please any and all advise would be greatly appreciated!
RonaldS Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 If you want anything resembling an authentic relationship with this woman, I would give her a couple of years post-divorce. Now is not the time.....unless you just want to bang her, in which case, by all means...go for it.
Author baj040986 Posted March 27, 2014 Author Posted March 27, 2014 Ronald- I understand your point and I do not want to simply bang her. I think if anything that may lead to the kind of relationship I don't want from her. A couple years seems like a long time but I would be willing to wait for her but then again I don't want to get hurt but someone else coming into the picture and putting myself in the friend zone if that makes sense...
RonaldS Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 The psychology of divorce is dramatically different than the psychology of a break-up. It's really not even close, especially when there are kids involved (I assume there are kids here). Divorce is said to be harder to deal with emotionally than death, and I would have to agree. Married 9 years, separated months? Months = minutes here, relatively speaking. People's modality while going through this stuff is typically survival mode, but on the outside, that person can appear happy, normal, adjusted, etc. They rarely are. A lot of people, frankly, are just never the same after a divorce. Now, given the fact that she is just now going through this....it's highly unlikely that she's anywhere near ready to have an actual relationship. Often, people in that situation will try to fix the problem of a failed relationship by starting another, but is that what you want? And the bottom seems to always end up dropping out of that after a couple of years. The smart money here is on being her friend, being supportive, and giving her a lot of space. Don't try to be her best friend, don't try to save her, just be somebody that's in her life. A lot will (hopefully) get worked through in the next couple of years. 1
Recommended Posts