Chubbi Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 The guy I'm seeing I met online. Once we became exclusive I closed my account. I didn't ask about his account. Later, I wanted to know so I logged back in. His account had already been deleted/disabled! It made me feel official. Also, while online dating, I messaged this guy. He responded by saying he had already met someone but still wanted to meet me on a double date with his friend. What?
thecrucible Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 Yeah my ex wanted to stay on POF whilst being official with me. I made him take it down but it never felt right because he didn't do it automatically...and lo and behold, he was a waste of space for me. Next time that happens, I'll just say it's either me or that website. 1
HappyLove Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 Ok OP, I went back and read your history with this guy and this all seems sketchy! He won't tell his 18 & 14 yr old about you! He only sees you late Saturday nights and won't see you more during the week. Now he's logging back on to POF. Don't be stupid girlfriend, things are just not adding up with this guy. I'd message him see if he responds. He's been giving you BS excuses for 3 months, he's just gonna give you another one and probably turn the tables on you and make you seem like the crazy one for checking up on him. I know you feel bad being sneaky but you need to protect yourself. From all you've posted about this guy in such a short time I don't think I'd trust that he just so happened to log back on. Pfft. 2
Gaeta Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 (edited) momx4: Just sounds to me that you are walking on eggshells with this man. You don't want to rock the boat about the little time he spends with you, the fact he doesn't want to introduce his children, now the fact he still has a profile on. If that relationship feels SO fragile, after 3 months, so fragile that it cannot not sustain an honest and open conversation about normal relationship concerns, then it's not meant to be. Edited March 27, 2014 by Gaeta
Hello_is_it_me Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 Screw the just asking him. If he's up to no good and/or charismatic he might somehow come up with some excuse. The safer bet to see what he's up to is the created the fake profile and bait him. HE'S the one logging on to his account. So he's the one setting this stuff in motion. If you want to stay with this guy YOU should do what YOU need to do to make sure YOU don't get hurt in the future.
Author momx4 Posted March 27, 2014 Author Posted March 27, 2014 Ok, I will talk with him this weekend about where we are & where we are going. When to meet the kids. Not sure yet about how to bring POF up, but I will figure that out. I don't wanna come off as needy or clingy but something has to give here. I shouldn't be the one making all the sacrifices here. If he truly does care about me then he will compromise, right? I don't expect him to completely do what I want, but he needs to meet me in the middle. Any advice on how to do & say all this is great!
Gaeta Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 Ok, I will talk with him this weekend about where we are & where we are going. When to meet the kids. Not sure yet about how to bring POF up, but I will figure that out. I don't wanna come off as needy or clingy but something has to give here. I shouldn't be the one making all the sacrifices here. If he truly does care about me then he will compromise, right? I don't expect him to completely do what I want, but he needs to meet me in the middle. Any advice on how to do & say all this is great! Knowing what you want is NOT being needy and cligny ! And don't be afraid of asking questions when you date someone. That's what dating is about, to learn about each other. For example you should not be hesitant to ask him how he managed his kids with his last girlfriend. It's a normal question everyone expects when dating. And questions like how long he's been single, why his last relationship ended, etc. You know when you're about to buy something you ask questions right? This is what dating is about. The man I am currently seeing put me through a mini interrogation and I was more than willing to participate. He asked with no hesitation how long I had been single, why my last relationship ended, what if ex wanted to get back with me, did my daughter meet him, how long in the relationship she did, what my daughter thought of him, what's my take on cheating, did I ever cheat, and the list goes on and on. That's a man asking the right questions before buying. He wants to know if he's buying a fake or an original. Now, this man in your life, is he showing any interest in what YOU think?
organizedchaos Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 I'm just gonna figure out what to say without him knowing I created af ake profile to check up on him. We've already told you numerous times how to do this without having to mention you created a fake profile.
Sunfire73 Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 At Match, after 2 months of dating, and know we are exclusive, I checked his profile and it's still active. I deleted mine but was wondering if he deleted his as well, so I checked first. I asked him directly if he was still searching and planning to date others. He said no, and was wondering why it says he's still active. He found out that even when he reads his personal emails from Match, not from the website, it sends Match, that he logged on. And so he cancelled his subscription. It's just a matter of communicating it to him nicely but directly. The early stages, when there is not that much investment and attachment, the better.
Author momx4 Posted March 27, 2014 Author Posted March 27, 2014 [quote=Gaeta;5607651 Now, this man in your life, is he showing any interest in what YOU think? Yes, he does show an interest in me & things I like & offers help when I need it. He asks questions about my kids, as well.
ja123 Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 Have a talk with him, OP. It's the only way you can clarify things to see where he stands and also express your needs and where you stand.
Author momx4 Posted March 27, 2014 Author Posted March 27, 2014 We've already told you numerous times how to do this without having to mention you created a fake profile. I know. haha And there are some good suggestions.
Author momx4 Posted March 27, 2014 Author Posted March 27, 2014 Ok, here is what I plan on saying. Tell me what you guys think. I feel like we are all best friends here already..haha:D I really like spending time with you, XXXXX. I'm worried that if we aren't spending more time together that you will lose interest in our relationship. I'm willing to drive to you since I get home from work sooner. I know that I really like you, and I want to see where this goes. Then, I will go into the how long has it been since you dated someone & all those questions....
cif Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 Ok, here is what I plan on saying. Tell me what you guys think. I feel like we are all best friends here already..haha:D I really like spending time with you, XXXXX. I'm worried that if we aren't spending more time together that you will lose interest in our relationship. I'm willing to drive to you since I get home from work sooner. I know that I really like you, and I want to see where this goes. Then, I will go into the how long has it been since you dated someone & all those questions.... I would start with the bolded and ditch the first paragraph.. sounds so negative.
Iguanna Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 I really like spending time with you, XXXXX. I'm worried that if we aren't spending more time together that you will lose interest in our relationship. I'm willing to drive to you since I get home from work sooner. I know that I really like you, and I want to see where this goes. Ok this sound to my ears like this: "I'm so desperate in keeping our relationship going that I will do whatever it is needed to see you and keep you interested in me. Please don't leave me, I won't survive..." Not attractive at all. 5
Author momx4 Posted March 27, 2014 Author Posted March 27, 2014 Really? oh my gosh...glad I said it on here first. lol
Gaeta Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 (edited) Ok, here is what I plan on saying. Tell me what you guys think. I feel like we are all best friends here already..haha:D Oh yeah, I am saying up all night Saturday till I see an update from you..lol I really like spending time with you, XXXXX. Always start by enumerating what you like about someone before *the talk*. Good stuff. Good for your bf, kids and especially your boss I'm worried that if we aren't spending more time together that you will lose interest in our relationship. I'm willing to drive to you since I get home from work sooner. I know that I really like you, and I want to see where this goes. OMG, NO!! It screams *Please love me, please!*. Leave the worries out just list what you want out of this relationship to be happy: I have such a good time with you I would like we see each other more. What do you THINK (not feel) about that? Then you can jump in *you know I always meant to ask you when is the last time you dated someone*....and you jump in it casually. Edited March 27, 2014 by Gaeta
starrynightz45 Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 Some of these posts are absolutely ridiculous. There is no "habit," there is no "just checking it" there is no "whatever other excuse you want to create." He's been with you for three months. Why on earth would he still have a "habit" of checking an online dating profile? It's not like he's checking his bank statements or regular email. is specifically checking a dating website. People check their dating profiles because they are...DATING..or looking to DATE, responding to MESSAGES or looking at PROFILES in order to seek out other people/DATE. Not because it's a regular Tuesday night routine. Please. Stop making excuses people. You have a right to be bothered, and should bring it up. End. 2
Author momx4 Posted March 27, 2014 Author Posted March 27, 2014 Ok, as soon as he closes the door I will be on here giving an update. haha 3 months is plenty of time for him to know if he wants long term with me. I have been very patient with him. I'm excited to have this talk & get it off my chest. Either way it goes...
Babolat Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 This is too much build up. Just casually bring it up in conversation. I don't disagree, however it's well documented that people would rather know "I need to talk to you" ahead of time then to have something dropped on then unexpected. If it's a healthy relationship, with well defined boundaries, there really is no build up. I think it's courteous to announce ahead of time that at some point in the day you need 10 minutes or so to talk.
Babolat Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 Just tell him why you like him, then tell him you are ready to be exclusive, is he? If he says yes, then tell him you deleted your POF profile, ask if he has, if he says No, tell him you need him to. If he hedges, there's your answer. I do agree with the ones on here saying after 3 months he should NOT be logging into POF, for any reason.
Author momx4 Posted March 27, 2014 Author Posted March 27, 2014 Just tell him why you like him, then tell him you are ready to be exclusive, is he? If he says yes, then tell him you deleted your POF profile, ask if he has, if he says No, tell him you need him to. If he hedges, there's your answer. I do agree with the ones on here saying after 3 months he should NOT be logging into POF, for any reason. Yes, we have already talked about not dating other people & that we could tell people we are boyfriend/girlfriend. I agree, he shouldn't be logging in at all. I just need to ask him to delete it.
Babolat Posted March 31, 2014 Posted March 31, 2014 Curious to hear how the talk went this weekend. 1
Author momx4 Posted April 4, 2014 Author Posted April 4, 2014 Sorry, I know all of you are waiting We ended up not seeing each othe last weekend. His daughter had her baby, so he was up at the hospital with her. We've text all week like normal. We have plans tomorrow, of course. So, the talk is on tomorrow night. lol I'm feeling a little bit calmer about it & more confident. He hasn't been on his profile since I started this thread, so that's a good sign, I think. I will keep you updated. I'm actually pretty excited tot alk with him.
saltyfishhead666 Posted April 4, 2014 Posted April 4, 2014 Sorry, I know all of you are waiting We ended up not seeing each othe last weekend. His daughter had her baby, so he was up at the hospital with her. We've text all week like normal. We have plans tomorrow, of course. So, the talk is on tomorrow night. lol I'm feeling a little bit calmer about it & more confident. He hasn't been on his profile since I started this thread, so that's a good sign, I think. I will keep you updated. I'm actually pretty excited tot alk with him. Can't add anything else that hasn't been said already. Just commenting so I can see what happens! Good luck and don't forget... If he lies there are better men out there they don't all do it xx
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