Ruby Slippers Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 I've only had one relationship with someone I met on OLD. Within a few weeks of dating, he said he didn't want to date anyone else and had deleted his profile shortly after we met. Note that he initiated this discussion because he wanted to make sure we were exclusive. If I found myself in your situation, I'm pretty sure I would lose all interest in the guy, as him cruising the dating site would tell me he's still looking and obviously not that into me. 2
Babolat Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 In case any of you don't know, I met my current bf on POF. We have been together almost 3 months. I deleted my account the day we became exclusive. He kept his but never logged in since the day I gave him my number. I know I am wrong by doing this, but I created a fake profile with no pics to see if he ever logged in again. About a month ago he did log in. I figured he was just seeing if I had been on since I never told him I deleted my account. Then, he never went back on. A month has passed & as we were texting last night I saw that he was on at that time. I'm not over reacting about it & it isn't making me freak out, but why does he do this every month or so? I can't ask him because I only have the fake profile up. I don't talk with anyone on there. I really like him & trust him. I've heard that guys just check their accounts sometimes. Is this something I should worry about? Or just let it go until he gives me a reason not to trust him? I know you all are gonna tell me how wrong it is to have a fake profile up to check up on him. I just wanna know if this is normal for a guy to check there account once in a while. Or if I have something to worry about. Confirm it's not a "POF" thing. I got off of Match.com 2+ years ago. I still receive daily emails from them. I am "Hidden". If I click on an email, it will show me as "Active within 24 hours". So now I just delete all of them without "clicking" on them. You literally cannot get off of Match.com. My female best friend is going thru this right now. She did not renew, hid her profile, yet she is still receiving new emails from men on the site and shows up as "Active".
Babolat Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 You can ask but just be smart about it. You never told him you deleted yours? So casually tell him when your on the subject and see his reaction. I was thinking the same....
Author momx4 Posted March 27, 2014 Author Posted March 27, 2014 I've only had one relationship with someone I met on OLD. Within a few weeks of dating, he said he didn't want to date anyone else and had deleted his profile shortly after we met. Note that he initiated this discussion because he wanted to make sure we were exclusive. If I found myself in your situation, I'm pretty sure I would lose all interest in the guy, as him cruising the dating site would tell me he's still looking and obviously not that into me. I guess we really shoulda had that talk about taking both profiles down. I guess better late than never.
Babolat Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 I've been on 2 dates with a woman I met from OLD last Sunday. We have a 3rd one planned for next Saturday. I disabled my profile 2 days ago. No, we are not dating, no we are not exclusive, I'm not even sure if I am ready to start a new relationship today; disabling my profile just feels like the right thing to do, for me. She has not logged into her profile since the day she sent me a message and we started talking.
InnocentMan Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 Nature of the beast I'm afraid. He may just be checking it from habit, or he may be keeping his options open. We all are subconsciously looking for a better deal even when in a relationship. He may also be logging in to see if you are back on it. You just won't know unless you discuss it with him. Should have been discussed early on to be fair to him. There's many ways you could play it. I'd imagine the easiest way is just talk to him about it. Casually mention you are glad to be off from that site maybe, and see the reaction. 1
Babolat Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 Similarly maybe he was logging onto POF to say "thanks but no thanks" to someone who had messaged him?. I did just this earlier this week, but then disabled my profile. OP, I assume his profileis still Active?
Mascara Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 I would not even stay with someone who logged onto his profile. Been there done that. There's a world of difference between letting a profile lie dormant that you've all but forgotten about and actually logging in. We've heard all sorts of excuses on this forum when someone does that - I was just saying no thanks / I was clearing out my messages / I was deleting my winks. It's all nonsense, there is no need to do any of that. And the reason I'd walk is because he'll only stop logging on because he's been caught. It's not going to change the fact that he wants to look around. And if he wants to actively look around, he's not into you as much any more. 4
Babolat Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 (edited) I will find a way to bring this up along with the other things in my previous posts. Ugh...maybe I shouldn't bombard him with everything at once? I have found the best way to talk, is to let your partner know in advance. I will say something like "I need to talk to you the next time we see each other". If they ask what about, get all curious, just tell them you prefer to talk in person (no, don't text or email about it). And, when you talk, have a message, be prepared, and even consider putting an "end time" to the convervation so you can get back to your "fun time". Can be as simple as "I need to make sure you and I are on the same page. I have deleted my POF Profile, have you?" (Notice the word "need"?) You are telling him, what you need. Edited March 27, 2014 by Babolat
organizedchaos Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 I have found the best way to talk, is to let your partner know in advance. I will say something like "I need to talk to you the next time we see each other". If they ask what about, get all curious, just tell them you prefer to talk in person (no, don't text or email about it). And, when you talk, have a message, be prepared, and even consider putting an "end time" to the convervation so you can get back to your "fun time". Can be as simple as "I need to make sure you and I are on the same page. I have deleted my POF Profile, have you?" (Notice the word "need"?) You are telling him, what you need. This is too much build up. Just casually bring it up in conversation. 1
Author momx4 Posted March 27, 2014 Author Posted March 27, 2014 Confirm it's not a "POF" thing. I got off of Match.com 2+ years ago. I still receive daily emails from them. I am "Hidden". If I click on an email, it will show me as "Active within 24 hours". So now I just delete all of them without "clicking" on them. You literally cannot get off of Match.com. My female best friend is going thru this right now. She did not renew, hid her profile, yet she is still receiving new emails from men on the site and shows up as "Active". Really? I didn't know this. Maybe this is what's happening. I sure hope so. How can I confirm this? I didn't even know you get emails from there. I just checked my email that I signed up with & theres a ton of emails from POF there. I don't use this email...I just use it for stuff like this.
Mrin Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 I'm going to go with most people's advice here and just bring it up. For one, it could just be habit. For some people browsing an OLD site is like leafing through a magazine and checking out the models or just checking out women in general as they walk down the street. Probably not terribly healthy but also not the end of the world. All that being said, if you really want to KNOW then do what HappyLove suggested and make an attractive profile (don't go too out of his league though as it will raise suspicions that your a call girl) and just chat him up. If he goes along with it then dump his butt ASAP. No conversation, no explanations, no excuses. 1
Iguanna Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 No but if someone comes up to me and says hello, I don't turn away and blank them. I say hello back... whether they are male or female, attractive or not. I probably won't get into a conversation especially if they're a stranger (that's just weird) but I wouldn't completely ignore someone who made an effort to communicate with me. For all I know they might be returning my wallet that I hadn't noticed I dropped! Similarly maybe he was logging onto POF to say "thanks but no thanks" to someone who had messaged him? No way to know except by asking him. Or installing a keylogger, stealing his password and checking received/sent messages........... not sure I'd recommend that route, though. Why is it so important to give all these excuses and explanations for something that is so simple? Just delete the freaking profile and that's it. Feeling the need to give all kind of excuses of why NOT to delete the profile gives me the impression that something is the matter. Something is going wrong. When you care about someone you try to eliminate any reason that may make them worried and sad. It's so simple. Black or white, to be honest. 2
PegNosePete Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 (edited) We've heard all sorts of excuses on this forum when someone does that - I was just saying no thanks / I was clearing out my messages / I was deleting my winks. It's all nonsense, there is no need to do any of that. Of course we have! Because most of the time when someone feels the need to make a forum post about it, there is already something more than simply logging on to their profile that is causing them no not be trustworthy. You don't hear about the hundreds of people who DON'T post on this forum, who do totally validly log into their OLD profile for the reasons you mention and more. I was still active on the POF forums when I have been exclusive, chatting to people I've met, answering questions and helping others. Sometimes people on there sent me PMs regarding posts, and I log in to read them. So my "last online" would show "today". Am I being shady or any of the other conclusions that people are so rapidly jumping to without knowing the facts? OP you need to ASK the guy what is going on, and don't assume that he is lying like so many people think! There are many TOTALLY VALID reasons to log on! Just because *cheaters always lie*, doesn't mean honest people aren't honest...... Why is it so important to give all these excuses and explanations for something that is so simple? Because everyone is jumping to a massive conclusion that he is up to something dodgy when that may very well not be the case. Just because he logged on does not mean he is looking for a better deal, looking around, shady,a perv or any of the other things that people have assumed on this thread. I wouldn't want to see an innocent guy get dumped just because he logged on to read a message from a friend. YES... ask him about it. NO... don't automatically disbelieve anything he says! Edited March 27, 2014 by PegNosePete
Gaeta Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 I was still active on the POF forums when I have been exclusive, chatting to people I've met, answering questions and helping others. Sometimes people on there sent me PMs regarding posts, and I log in to read them. So my "last online" would show "today". Am I being shady or any of the other conclusions that people are so rapidly jumping to without knowing the facts? THEN your profile better said you were in a relationship. If not, if you still advertized yourself as being single then YES you were being shady!
HappyLove Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 Well OP says there was a while he wasn't on and all of a sudden he's on. Has he been on today OP?
soccerrprp Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 No but if someone comes up to me and says hello, I don't turn away and blank them. I say hello back... It amazes me that you're even comparing ONLINE DATING SITE with someone just coming up to say hi. Not the same. 2
Gaeta Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 Really? I didn't know this. Maybe this is what's happening. I sure hope so. How can I confirm this? I didn't even know you get emails from there. I just checked my email that I signed up with & theres a ton of emails from POF there. I don't use this email...I just use it for stuff like this. I have hours of POF in me and no, once you've deleted your POF profile you do not keep on getting emails, you don't show as active online. The only thing with POF is when you get off line it will keep on showing you're on for about 30 mins. When you register to POF it asks for an email address. Each time you have a message in POF it notices you in your email. If you have a smart phone you can get these notifications on your phone so you know right away someone messaged you on POF.
soccerrprp Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 In the end the guy IS checking his profile/messages. If you are in an exclusive relationship, the ONLY answer should be to avoid logging back on to the site. PERIOD. If the app keeps you on, then get rid of the app. A 10-second ordeal. Once you log off from onlne (computer), you will be off until you purposefully log back on. The responsible thing to do here is SIMPLY NOT BE LOGGED ON OR LOG ON. WE all know the complications of such behavior create... 1
ja123 Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 OP, This is the man who hasn't even mentioned you to his kids, right? Another poster said to chat him up with your fake profile. I'd probably do that, at this point, because it seems like there are other issues. Heck, I don't know if I'd bother even, as I think I'd just leave. Your gut is telling you something here. 3
Gaeta Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 ...WE all know the complications of such behavior create... I could not agree more. Last year I was on POF and so was my 25 y/o daughter. We use to send each other messages on there instead of texting, she'd show me the guys she had dates with, etc. I had started seeing someone and he had deleted his profile. He asked me at some point if I still had mine up and I said yes, then started explaining I was only logging on to chat with my daughter.......and then I realized even though it was the sole truth it sounded like I was giving him the biggest BS excuses of all. I stopped what I was saying and told him to consider it deleted, and I deleted it.
organizedchaos Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 Really? I didn't know this. Maybe this is what's happening. I sure hope so. How can I confirm this? I didn't even know you get emails from there. I just checked my email that I signed up with & theres a ton of emails from POF there. I don't use this email...I just use it for stuff like this. Just ask him!!! 1
Author momx4 Posted March 27, 2014 Author Posted March 27, 2014 When I checked last night it said "online now" for him. He hasn't been on for a month. Before that it was about a month. So, it seem like he gets on about every month then goes back off. So, that's why I think maybe he's just curious. I wasn't really worried about it, but after reading all these posts I kinda am now. I really thought about messagin him last night with the fake profile to see if he would message back, but I felt guilty.
Author momx4 Posted March 27, 2014 Author Posted March 27, 2014 Just ask him!!! I'm just gonna figure out what to say without him knowing I created af ake profile to check up on him.
thecrucible Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 Just ask him!!! This. Just be brave and bite the bullet. I think it's worse if you have to play tricks to get someone to tell the truth.
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