kat1012 Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 Me and him only dated for 8 months and it has already been 8 months after we broke up. He was my first boyfriend. he said "I don't think we should keep seeing each other. We are comfortable but it doesnt mean it's gonna go anywhere." I asked if he was planning to tell me (since while he was becoming distant, I asked if everything was alright he didnt reply), he said he originally planned to just let it fade away. He also said he has been thinking for a few weeks and that I was getting obsessed with the relationship, and we hadnt met up for two weeks anyway. Originally I didnt feel too bad about the BU. At that moment, I was thinking I wasn't sure if he's the guy I want to marry one day anyway, I thought he was unappreciative and taking my efforts for granted, can be rude at times, some of our values e.g. how we handle a problem, are different. However, at time goes by I started realizing how I might have done or said things that drive him away in the end. The only time we had a face-to-face disagreement was one month before the BU, which I told him that "I am always the one who come all the way over to your place (I need to travel an hour) and I am making an effort here to make it work, and I feel like I wasnt being appreciated when you are playing with your phone." now i realized I was bit emotional or dramatic for leaving the place to talk to my friend on phone and cried a bit before hand, since he was acting cold. After I finished saying it, he was pissed saying that "you come to tell me this? I told you I dont want to talk about it and you said you wont. You dont have to come, you can leave. I do what I want to do. Maybe you should not date, this is not fun. you ruined my friday and now my weekend." It hurt but I didnt want to fight so I just said I wouldnt talk about it anymore. he just asked me to pick a movie to watch, we were a bit distant the next morning but everything was fine by night. But I was still a bit upset for what he said for days afterwards. Afterwards during that week, I bickered twice about things which I now realized it's no big deal (but at that time it bothered me), when we were texting, for a few lines, he called me a drama queen or asked me to relax, and then I stopped. Also as time moves on, I thought he might actually care about me, more than I thought he was, he might have appreciated me. And I felt like it was me reading into things too much and it was me who pushed him away: He said he's thought for a few weeks before the actual BU. He sorta justify why I talked about things or being emotional that time (asking if I was having the bad week before, which I told him I did before, and told me "feel better kid, please be happy", however while he was drunk followed by crazy drunk text, which at that time bothered me, and led me to say "I thought u meant it when u asked me to be happy but then you are just drunk." and of course he called me a drama queen which now I agree) he still asked me to hang out until one time he said I am "unsupportive" (I told him I would text him to see if he really woke up early the next day, since he drunk texted me at 2am saying he will wake up really early to go to the gym before meeting me, he replied saying how I was a good support and "why did I date you haha". I said he doesnt seem to wake up early after drinking except for work and he said I really dont know him well). We still met up that day, he was the one texting and calling me to confirm the time for meet up. During the week after that, I asked him to hang out twice, which he sorta seemed fine with it. And then he started getting distant. Now, we see each other once in a while because of climbing events that we both go to. I always stick with my friends there. If me and him have a conversation, it would be him starting it first. Sometimes, we ran into each other at bars, and he would be the one to say hi to me. On valentine's day, I was going out with a friend and getting a drink at a bar, I saw him with his friends but didnt want to say hi. As we left, he said hi to me when we passed his table. Later he come outside, talk to me a bit first, before leaving to find his friends but also told me which bar he was heading to and said I could come when I feel bored (which I didnt) Most of the days I am fine, it's just whenever I come across articles or lines which says "dramatic"/"drama queen", "crazy", "controlling", "insecure", it makes me think of the stupid things or stuff I said, and I feel stupid for possibly pushing him away. Moreover, my ocassional disagreements with my parents and them nagging me, multiple "talks" on the same thing, having trust issues, being "crazy" make me further sorta understand how I might have messed up before. It's already 8 months, and I cant talk to my friends about it anymore because I bet they would be tired of hearing me about my ex. 1
Recommended Posts