Economist70 Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 My girlfriend and I broke up (She dumped me) because she was leaving the state to study at University. When we broke up, she said she'd like for us to remain friends. Then when we met up after the break up and before she left the state, she said that I can do better than her. I also said I was willing to go long distance for her but she said she didn't think that'd work. She's now dating one of my best mates (They met through me) who studies outside of the state I live in and different to the one she moved to too. They met in secret last weekend and it was only that I pressed them that they told me they were an item and that they didn't know how/when to tell people? Given this, was my ex not genuine in her post-break up offers/reasons? What did what she said mean?
Chi townD Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 Uh, your writing style is weird. You say that she went to a different state, which kinda leads me to believe that you're in the U.S. But you called your friend a best "mate", which I only hear in parts of Europe and Australia. So, a little geographically confused. Why does it matter? I always look for inconsistencies to rule out if I'm chasing after bunnies. Well, regardless....here's the deal. She was cheating on you before she left the state with your friend. She was playing you. The red flag for me was when she told you that you deserved better than her BEFORE she left. That tells me that she felt a lot of guilt. She was cheating before she left. You try to make it long distance and she states that she doesn't believe that LDR work. Yet, she has NO PROBLEM being long distance with your friend who's going to school in a DIFFERENT state. You kinda see a pattern here? You weren't good enough to continue a LDR with, but he was. They BOTH threw you under the bus. Cut them BOTH completely out of your life. Double betrayals like that hurt worse and you don't need people like that in your life. 1
d0nnivain Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 Offers to be friends are just things people say. They don't really mean them. When she said you could do better than her, she knew that she was planning to go behind your back to date one of your buddies. She recognized that as bad behavior. She was acknowledging that you are a nice guy who deserves somebody with more character. 1
KaliLove Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 Uh, your writing style is weird. You say that she went to a different state, which kinda leads me to believe that you're in the U.S. But you called your friend a best "mate", which I only hear in parts of Europe and Australia. So, a little geographically confused. Why does it matter? I always look for inconsistencies to rule out if I'm chasing after bunnies. Well, regardless....here's the deal. She was cheating on you before she left the state with your friend. She was playing you. The red flag for me was when she told you that you deserved better than her BEFORE she left. That tells me that she felt a lot of guilt. She was cheating before she left. You try to make it long distance and she states that she doesn't believe that LDR work. Yet, she has NO PROBLEM being long distance with your friend who's going to school in a DIFFERENT state. You kinda see a pattern here? You weren't good enough to continue a LDR with, but he was. They BOTH threw you under the bus. Cut them BOTH completely out of your life. Double betrayals like that hurt worse and you don't need people like that in your life. I'm pretty sure Australia has states too. I agree with this. They were dating before she dumped you OP, and she said you deserved better than that because she felt guilty for cheating on you. 1
Chi townD Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 LOL! Yep! I said Australia too in my post. I'm a worldly SOB!!!!
barky2 Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 What did she mean? The minute she said " you can do better" = I've got someone else. Honestly hindsight 20/20, you lost a friend and a girlfriend. Oh well. Ya oh well. He wasn't ever a friend if he did this. So you cut two people off with one fellow swoop. Just recently, I found out a my best friend of mine who I've been friends for 15 years tried to get with my ex after we broke up. He's married with 3 kids. Ya. Cut that dude off too, he blamed it on being drunk on fb. Luckily she told me, kinda funny she was the better friend then he was. You live and learn. Chin up. Barky 1
Author Economist70 Posted March 28, 2014 Author Posted March 28, 2014 I now recognise I was more emotionally invested in our relationship than she was (The final two weeks felt different and I could sense she wasn't interested). Suppose I'm just disappointed in my friend. If he had have sent me a message telling me they were planning to meet and that they'd been talking and could see themselves going somewhere then maybe I'd be better than I am. Not that he'd have to seek permission, they are their own people. But just a heads up, you know? It feels like because they went behind my back, they knew it'd hurt me but they did it anyway.
Chi townD Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 I now recognise I was more emotionally invested in our relationship than she was (The final two weeks felt different and I could sense she wasn't interested). Suppose I'm just disappointed in my friend. If he had have sent me a message telling me they were planning to meet and that they'd been talking and could see themselves going somewhere then maybe I'd be better than I am. Not that he'd have to seek permission, they are their own people. But just a heads up, you know? It feels like because they went behind my back, they knew it'd hurt me but they did it anyway. Dude! OPEN YOUR EYES!!! He was cheating with your girl WHILE you two were together!! He is not your friend! And even if she just dumped you, it's a douchebag thing to make a move on her PEROID!!! He wouldn't try to get with her out of respect for you. Apparently, he had NO respect for you or your feelings. Some "best mate" huh! If they didn't think that they were doing ANYTHING wrong, then why meet in secret? Why would they not know how to tell people? Because they know that what they did and how they treated you was wrong! Cut them both out of your life. 2
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