riokid180 Posted March 27, 2014 Share Posted March 27, 2014 My fiance left last week and I did all the usual sorts of things dumpees do: beg, plead, promise to change, poems, flowers, love letters. My ex said people can't change, I am the way I am and that we're just incompatible. She told me to stop sending her love letters and to stop wasting my time. But she said she "can't imagine me not in her life anymore" and wants to stay friends and said, while she will not see me now, even to drop off my keys or get her things, (I had to hire movers to send them to her new place), that we should "have dinner in a month." What does this mean? If she just going to use dinner to emotionally dump on me? Is she doing this to hedge her bets in case she hates her life in a month? Link to post Share on other sites
Zimber Posted March 27, 2014 Share Posted March 27, 2014 My fiance left last week and I did all the usual sorts of things dumpees do: beg, plead, promise to change, poems, flowers, love letters. My ex said people can't change, I am the way I am and that we're just incompatible. She told me to stop sending her love letters and to stop wasting my time. But she said she "can't imagine me not in her life anymore" and wants to stay friends and said, while she will not see me now, even to drop off my keys or get her things, (I had to hire movers to send them to her new place), that we should "have dinner in a month." What does this mean? If she just going to use dinner to emotionally dump on me? Is she doing this to hedge her bets in case she hates her life in a month? Is this the same woman you referred to in your previous 6 posts as your girlfriend? That same sneaky, lie to your face, girlfriend? Screw dinner, are you completely severed from her now? No contact. Bye bye. You're responding to these breadcrumbs because you're still connected in some way, dealing with the shattered ego, still scratching your head asking ... what just happened. Just stop! If a person shows such low quality and disrespect to their Fiance by ... lying about their whereabouts, contact with other suitors while keeping you on a string, not having the courage to get their own crap after they've danced off, making it all your fault ... doesn't deserve anything but your extreme avoidance. Don't even respond to this bimbo! To answer your question though, there are multiple possibilities ... 1) she's keeping you on a string while she does her "upside down bicycle workout" with her new friend ... in case it doesn't work out with him. 2) she's one of those diva types that wants to keep in touch with all old boyfriends converted to orbiters. 3) because it strokes her ego big time that you will come running. 4) to further rub it in your face that she did better without you (this would make her a monster rather than just a user). There are countless others of course. The question I would ask you, is given the motivational possibilities of hers, why would a guy like you entertain such a meeting? What will that communicate to her about you if you showed up? Perhaps you were just asking the masses where her head might be at rather than seriously considering it. That's better if that's the case. If you're not going NC though, I think you need to. These contemplations are holding you back! Z 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted March 27, 2014 Share Posted March 27, 2014 I agree with Zimber, and I think these are indeed the most likely possibilities: To answer your question though, there are multiple possibilities ... 1) she's keeping you on a string while she does her "upside down bicycle workout" with her new friend ... in case it doesn't work out with him. 2) she's one of those diva types that wants to keep in touch with all old boyfriends converted to orbiters. 3) because it strokes her ego big time that you will come running. 4) to further rub it in your face that she did better without you (this would make her a monster rather than just a user). Are any of these scenarios ones in which you want to participate? The one thing she said that rings true: stop wasting your time. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mangetout Posted March 27, 2014 Share Posted March 27, 2014 OP I am in the same boat as you...except my ex fiancé left because of different reasons. He says he doesn't want to commit to me but maybe later on in the year when we have both sorted our issues out. Is your fiancé saying that its over completely? Everyone says that you shouldn't be friends with your ex because it created more pain. They are mostly right but it does depend on each individual situation. Link to post Share on other sites
Author riokid180 Posted March 27, 2014 Author Share Posted March 27, 2014 Is this the same woman you referred to in your previous 6 posts as your girlfriend? That same sneaky, lie to your face, girlfriend? Screw dinner, are you completely severed from her now? No contact. Bye bye. You're responding to these breadcrumbs because you're still connected in some way, dealing with the shattered ego, still scratching your head asking ... what just happened. Just stop! If a person shows such low quality and disrespect to their Fiance by ... lying about their whereabouts, contact with other suitors while keeping you on a string, not having the courage to get their own crap after they've danced off, making it all your fault ... doesn't deserve anything but your extreme avoidance. Don't even respond to this bimbo! To answer your question though, there are multiple possibilities ... 1) she's keeping you on a string while she does her "upside down bicycle workout" with her new friend ... in case it doesn't work out with him. 2) she's one of those diva types that wants to keep in touch with all old boyfriends converted to orbiters. 3) because it strokes her ego big time that you will come running. 4) to further rub it in your face that she did better without you (this would make her a monster rather than just a user). There are countless others of course. The question I would ask you, is given the motivational possibilities of hers, why would a guy like you entertain such a meeting? What will that communicate to her about you if you showed up? Perhaps you were just asking the masses where her head might be at rather than seriously considering it. That's better if that's the case. If you're not going NC though, I think you need to. These contemplations are holding you back! Z Yes, this is the same girl (I had slightly edited the facts to make her my gf rather than my fiance. In fact, we had been engaged for over a year). I want her back, despite everything that has happened, so I hold out hope that if we go to dinner in a month and I'm doing great, I can win her back. Even if my chances are minimal. Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted March 27, 2014 Share Posted March 27, 2014 Did you ever find out if she was cheating on you or not? Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted March 27, 2014 Share Posted March 27, 2014 I want her back, despite everything that has happened, so I hold out hope that if we go to dinner in a month and I'm doing great, I can win her back. Even if my chances are minimal. I hope these are your emotions speaking. Otherwise, grow a backbone. There's nothing more unattractive than a man that allows a woman to walk all over him. Please, for your sake, find your self-respect and dignity. This is awful 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author riokid180 Posted March 27, 2014 Author Share Posted March 27, 2014 Did you ever find out if she was cheating on you or not? No I didn't. During a fight about whether she should sign a prenup I mentioned that I knew she texted the guy. And she said she only texted him once. He texted her, "Don't be surprised if you get a lot of texts from me. I'm a texter." And she said, "Don't be surprised if I don't respond right away." And then she said he texted her something back in the morning and he didn't respond. I asked as we were breaking up what really happened. And she just said that her friend told her "you should meet this guy" because he was unhappy in his marriage and she was unhappy in her relationship, so the two "should just meet." Whatever that means. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author riokid180 Posted March 27, 2014 Author Share Posted March 27, 2014 I hope these are your emotions speaking. Otherwise, grow a backbone. There's nothing more unattractive than a man that allows a woman to walk all over him. Please, for your sake, find your self-respect and dignity. This is awful Obviously it's my emotions. It's not like I completed a math proof and determined after extensive analytical research that I should try and win her back. Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted March 27, 2014 Share Posted March 27, 2014 No I didn't. During a fight about whether she should sign a prenup I mentioned that I knew she texted the guy. And she said she only texted him once. He texted her, "Don't be surprised if you get a lot of texts from me. I'm a texter." And she said, "Don't be surprised if I don't respond right away." And then she said he texted her something back in the morning and he didn't respond. I asked as we were breaking up what really happened. And she just said that her friend told her "you should meet this guy" because he was unhappy in his marriage and she was unhappy in her relationship, so the two "should just meet." Whatever that means. You were having a fight about a prenup? That would have been a good subject to make a thread about. It's definitely a controversial subject. It's good that she did not cheat on you or text that guy a lot. If she's telling you the truth. I wonder how long she was unhappy in the relationship. The most important question is, "What do you want"? Link to post Share on other sites
Author riokid180 Posted March 27, 2014 Author Share Posted March 27, 2014 You were having a fight about a prenup? That would have been a good subject to make a thread about. It's definitely a controversial subject. It's good that she did not cheat on you or text that guy a lot. If she's telling you the truth. I wonder how long she was unhappy in the relationship. The most important question is, "What do you want"? I want her back brother. She said she was considering leaving around November and her best friend told her to do it. The text thing happened in late December. I intervened, made some impassioned romantic pleas, and she said she wanted to stay, get married, have kids, etc... She was looking for wedding dresses a week before she dumped me. And she wanted us to start trying to have kids in January and February. Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted March 27, 2014 Share Posted March 27, 2014 Obviously it's my emotions. It's not like I completed a math proof and determined after extensive analytical research that I should try and win her back. Still standing by what I said. The fact that you hired a mover to send HER things back (SMH), tolerating lies and deceit, your need to post to see if there is hope is pretty apparent -- aside from your trying to sound smart comeback the bottom line, you need to find your self-respect and your dignity. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr.Pine Posted March 27, 2014 Share Posted March 27, 2014 You want to know what it means? Let me break it down for you... My fiance left last week and I did all the usual sorts of things dumpees do: beg, plead, promise to change, poems, flowers, love letters. What does this mean? It means you are beta, lack anything resembling self-esteem and are extremely desperate. By doing any of these things, (unfortunately, you did them all in one fell swoop) you have lost ANY chance of getting her back. Desperation is a stinky cologne. My ex said people can't change, I am the way I am and that we're just incompatible. Your ex was right. And she is projecting her own inability and refusal for changing. When a girl uses words like "incompatible", she is pretty much severing your nutsack. There is NO returning from that negative abyss. She told me to stop sending her love letters and to stop wasting my time. Self-explanatory. If this is not the writing on the wall, in neon no less, then you are living in denial. Read the last line of that paragraph over and over and over again. Then 100 more times. STOP WASTING HER TIME! I'm boring myself here, saying the same crap over and over again. Go NC, forget her, move on, consider therapy if you need additional help. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted March 27, 2014 Share Posted March 27, 2014 I want her back brother. She said she was considering leaving around November and her best friend told her to do it. The text thing happened in late December. I intervened, made some impassioned romantic pleas, and she said she wanted to stay, get married, have kids, etc... She was looking for wedding dresses a week before she dumped me. And she wanted us to start trying to have kids in January and February. I'd like to say there is some chance of a reconciliation but I simply don't have enough experience to know or not. I'm thinking you have to find out why she was unhappy in the relationship. What is she looking for. I wish I knew what to tell you. If I did, I probably would have been able to save my own relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted March 27, 2014 Share Posted March 27, 2014 OP, I'm a woman and I can tell you this woman has absolutely NO RESPECT for you. Don't you dare call her for dinner in a month, year or decade. Trash this one ASAP and thank your lucky stars you didn't end up with this misery for the rest of your life. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted March 27, 2014 Share Posted March 27, 2014 This is sad. Don't call this girl in a month. That is pathetic. Link to post Share on other sites
Author riokid180 Posted March 27, 2014 Author Share Posted March 27, 2014 OP, I'm a woman and I can tell you this woman has absolutely NO RESPECT for you. Don't you dare call her for dinner in a month, year or decade. Trash this one ASAP and thank your lucky stars you didn't end up with this misery for the rest of your life. Ok. I am finally coming around. Yeah, you are right. NC. She wanted to come over to get more stuff that the movers apparently forgot from my place like nail polish (nail polish, wtf?) and said she would "be fine" if I were there. I'll tell her to get her things at a specific date and time when I will not be there. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
flight E Posted March 27, 2014 Share Posted March 27, 2014 If u wil completely follow wat u wrote there. Then I thank God for this site. Leave that fiance, girlfriend or whatever alone unless she comes begging like you did. Leave her alone even if it kills you:D at least you will die with some dignity. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 27, 2014 Share Posted March 27, 2014 My fiance left last week and I did all the usual sorts of things dumpees do: beg, plead, promise to change, poems, flowers, love letters. My ex said people can't change, I am the way I am and that we're just incompatible. She told me to stop sending her love letters and to stop wasting my time. But she said she "can't imagine me not in her life anymore" and wants to stay friends and said, while she will not see me now, even to drop off my keys or get her things, (I had to hire movers to send them to her new place), that we should "have dinner in a month." What does this mean? If she just going to use dinner to emotionally dump on me? Is she doing this to hedge her bets in case she hates her life in a month? No way. DO NOT go to dinner with her. Your fiance broke it off with you and now is the time for you to heal and go complete no contact. You cannot be 'friends' with her, there's too much pain and heartache. She doesn't get to call the shots! To tell you NC as she doesn't want to see you at all right now yet in a month there's an offer to go to dinner? That's crap and her offering friendship and wanting to have you in her life is pure selfishness on her behalf. When an engaged couple breaks up, the healthiest thing to do is put a lot of distance from one another and let time heal the wounds. Besides, let's say in a year you meet someone else, the last thing you want is your ex fiance in your life and a new partner certainly wouldn't like that either. Take care of you and don't let your ex manipulate you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 27, 2014 Share Posted March 27, 2014 I want her back brother. She said she was considering leaving around November and her best friend told her to do it. The text thing happened in late December. I intervened, made some impassioned romantic pleas, and she said she wanted to stay, get married, have kids, etc... She was looking for wedding dresses a week before she dumped me. And she wanted us to start trying to have kids in January and February. Her BF is not a true friend if she was trying to get her to walk away from you. Also, the friend introducing her to a married guy having martial issues? WTF. If that best friend has that much influence on her then your relationship was a farce from the get go. IF my best friend did that to me, encouraged me to go on a date and meet other guys knowing damn well I was already with someone, even if there were problems, I'd distance myself from her and note that she is NOT a real friend or someone who has my back. Link to post Share on other sites
pickflicker Posted March 27, 2014 Share Posted March 27, 2014 You're a fool if you go to dinner with her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author riokid180 Posted March 28, 2014 Author Share Posted March 28, 2014 You're a fool if you go to dinner with her. Rest assured, I will not be going to dinner or meeting her or emailing her further. I read a bunch of these threads today and it hit me how this is the same pattern so many other people experience. A flaky committment phobe girl rushes into a relationship, pushes to move in, pushes to get engaged, and then, when the honeymoon phase is over, decides she wants a new honeymoon phase so she is off to the next guy. Screw that, I am done with her. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
flight E Posted March 28, 2014 Share Posted March 28, 2014 Last thing. Don't for one minute consider calling textin or mailing her that you not going for that dinner in a month. Be strong and give her utter and complete silence 1 Link to post Share on other sites
pickflicker Posted March 28, 2014 Share Posted March 28, 2014 Last thing. Don't for one minute consider calling textin or mailing her that you not going for that dinner in a month. Be strong and give her utter and complete silence Indeed, the best reply is no reply. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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