Has anyone ever had the email/phonecall/text we all secretly want?

[Ordinaryday]

the "I am so sorry for dumping you. It was the biggest mistake I have ever made. I beg you to take me back". It is what every dumpee wants, and you know what? even if I am over them and I have no desire to reconcile I WOULD STILL WANT THIS simply cos it would be a huge ego-boost (even though I would ignore it).

 

I am not talking a week or a month after breakup... like months or years later when you honestly had resigned yourself to believe you would never hear from them again... one day completely out of the blue you check your texts and see that you got one from them, begging you to take them back?

 

has any dumpee here ever got this??? how did you respond? take them back? tell them "sorry, you had your chance and blew it, no second chance"? flat out ignore them?

 

or does it NEVER happen?

 

and no, I am not in denial and hoping my ex will do this, I KNOW SHE WONT (I heard through the grapevine she is with another guy who she apparently loves more than she ever did me) , but I find it an interesting topic nevertheless.

[pickflicker]

Had it, ignored it.

 

Best decision ever.

[Ordinaryday]

Had it, ignored it.

 

Best decision ever.

 

Just ignored it, wow that takes some courage.

 

even if I got it I dont think I would believe it.

 

rather than think "she wants me back" my thoughts would be more along the lines of "what is she up to? is this some kind of game? she wants to see if I am still hooked? she wants me to take her back just so she can hurt me again? or she got dumped by the other guy and just want to use me until she finds someone 'better'? what the hell is she up to?"

 

yeah I am distrusting. that may not be natural, but it is the result of past experience. it is hard to trust someone who has lied to you before.

 

Like I use dating sites and even though it is a stereotype I learned pretty quick to NEVER respond to someone who mentions they are in Nigeria. I know the old "Nigerian scammer" is such a cliche and when I got messaged from women claiming to be from where I lived but "in Nigeria on business" I initially gave them the benefit of the doubt.... but nope they were all scammers, every single one of them had an 'emergency' come up and asked me to send them money to help out... I just blocked them.

 

so I know if I get an email from Nigeria to delete it without responding. and if I get contacted by an ex to not trust it.

[erklat]

Hm. I was the dumper until now.

 

Since I consider myself selfish, this is a great opportunity to become more considerate.

 

Look on the first page here. Titles like 'never heard from them' or 'one year NC' are extremely rare.

 

I think that ultimately the one who suffered the most pain decides the future of relationship between two people.

[pickflicker]

Just ignored it, wow that takes some courage.

 

even if I got it I dont think I would believe it.

 

rather than think "she wants me back" my thoughts would be more along the lines of "what is she up to? is this some kind of game? she wants to see if I am still hooked? she wants me to take her back just so she can hurt me again? or she got dumped by the other guy and just want to use me until she finds someone 'better'? what the hell is she up to?"

 

yeah I am distrusting. that may not be natural, but it is the result of past experience. it is hard to trust someone who has lied to you before.

 

Like I use dating sites and even though it is a stereotype I learned pretty quick to NEVER respond to someone who mentions they are in Nigeria. I know the old "Nigerian scammer" is such a cliche and when I got messaged from women claiming to be from where I lived but "in Nigeria on business" I initially gave them the benefit of the doubt.... but nope they were all scammers, every single one of them had an 'emergency' come up and asked me to send them money to help out... I just blocked them.

 

so I know if I get an email from Nigeria to delete it without responding. and if I get contacted by an ex to not trust it.

 

I'm a stubborn wench. Ignoring it was immensely satisfying.

[Arieswoman]

Ordinaryday,

I had 'phone calls from several ex's in the past (they were the 'dumpers') who I suspect were "fishing" to see if I was still available.

 

I never did find out what they wanted as my response was "Why are you ringing me, has your floozy dumped you?" then while they were struggling with a reply I put the 'phone down.

 

Was it an ego boost? No, I saw it as the actions of individuals who thought I was stupid enough to let them back in my life after all the heartache they'd caused. How wrong they were.

[Ordinaryday]

Ordinaryday,

I had 'phone calls from several ex's in the past (they were the 'dumpers') who I suspect were "fishing" to see if I was still available.

 

I never did find out what they wanted as my response was "Why are you ringing me, has your floozy dumped you?" then while they were struggling with a reply I put the 'phone down.

 

Was it an ego boost? No, I saw it as the actions of individuals who thought I was stupid enough to let them back in my life after all the heartache they'd caused. How wrong they were.

 

"has your floozy dumped you?" - as I said before, I have had a few dumpers send breadcrumbs to me and (in the past I responded, never again) when I tried to work out why the answer was always the same: the person they dumped me for JUST DUMPED THEM and they dont want to be alone so they figure that since they dumped me I would willingly take them back, and they can spend time with me until someone 'better' comes along.

 

wow, how insulting and disgusting. if you are not their first choice, why should they be yours?

[StGeorge22]

Had it.

 

Spend the next year on and off without her able to commit, only for her to move states with the other guy.

 

Won't be making that mistake again!

[Ordinaryday]

Had it.

 

Spend the next year on and off without her able to commit, only for her to move states with the other guy.

 

Won't be making that mistake again!

 

I'd always be VERY hesitant about immediately taking them back because the number one question I would have would be : "what's stopping them from dumping me again and breaking my heart again?"

 

and unless they could somehow provide me with evidence that that would never happen (I dont see how that is even possible, but anyway...) I would be very reluctant and suspicious.

[darry]

I'm praying for that to happen to me. She broke up with me because i took her for granted which i only realized after losing her.

[Arieswoman]

Ordinaryday,

You nailed it in post #7.

 

Never make someone a prority when you are only their option .

 

It's amazing how transparent some people are.

[David87]

Never got a text/email/phone call etc. She disappeared from the face of the earth lol

[crazybestie101]

the "I am so sorry for dumping you. It was the biggest mistake I have ever made. I beg you to take me back". It is what every dumpee wants, and you know what? even if I am over them and I have no desire to reconcile I WOULD STILL WANT THIS simply cos it would be a huge ego-boost (even though I would ignore it).

 

I am not talking a week or a month after breakup... like months or years later when you honestly had resigned yourself to believe you would never hear from them again... one day completely out of the blue you check your texts and see that you got one from them, begging you to take them back?

 

has any dumpee here ever got this??? how did you respond? take them back? tell them "sorry, you had your chance and blew it, no second chance"? flat out ignore them?

 

or does it NEVER happen?

 

and no, I am not in denial and hoping my ex will do this, I KNOW SHE WONT (I heard through the grapevine she is with another guy who she apparently loves more than she ever did me) , but I find it an interesting topic nevertheless.

 

 

I so wants that like badly , even though i am technically with someone else..

[erklat]

Never got a text/email/phone call etc. She disappeared from the face of the earth lol

 

You recently broke up, right?

[David87]

You recently broke up, right?

 

It happened 3 and a half months ago. Last time we spoke was on 11 of december.

[Ordinaryday]

It happened 3 and a half months ago. Last time we spoke was on 11 of december.

 

the sixth month mark is the defining moment. if you have not heard a single thing from her in six months then dont even bother considering it anymore. if a girl has not contacted you in six months postbreakup it is because she has no desire to ever speak to you again.

 

and before anyone responds with "that is not true, I got contacted after seven months" well obviously it does not apply to EVERY SINGLE SITUATION EVER but it is a pretty good rule.

[erklat]

It happened 3 and a half months ago. Last time we spoke was on 11 of december.

 

That is not very long in the grand scheme of things. You have plenty of time to hear from her.

[David87]

Ok fare enough. Haven't heard from my ex from 2 years ago either. I mean we do meet from time to time, we say hello to each other and that's it.

[Simon Phoenix]

the sixth month mark is the defining moment. if you have not heard a single thing from her in six months then dont even bother considering it anymore. if a girl has not contacted you in six months postbreakup it is because she has no desire to ever speak to you again.

 

and before anyone responds with "that is not true, I got contacted after seven months" well obviously it does not apply to EVERY SINGLE SITUATION EVER but it is a pretty good rule.

 

Yeah, there's no truth to this. I've been contacted a year later, a few years later, etc. In fact, the vast majority of my exes that have talked to me again did so well after this six-month mark you are referencing. Know of other people who successfully reconciled that went a lot longer than six months without a contact attempt.

 

That being said, if you haven't heard from them in six months, it's best not to hold your breath expecting it. That I will agree with.

[Ordinaryday]

Yeah, there's no truth to this. I've been contacted a year later, a few years later, etc. In fact, the vast majority of my exes that have talked to me again did so well after this six-month mark you are referencing. Know of other people who successfully reconciled that went a lot longer than six months without a contact attempt.

 

That being said, if you haven't heard from them in six months, it's best not to hold your breath expecting it. That I will agree with.

 

well it is different for everyone, but I have noticed that the exes who contacted me to reconcile did because they found life was crap without me in it so they needed me back in their life and they noticed this within six months.

 

the ones that contacted me AFTER the six month mark had nothing to say but useless breadcrumbs "hi how are you? how did you end up going on that project you were working on? hope you are well." - useless breadcrumbs.

 

one even went a step further to say that she missed me. I took this to mean she wanted me back and when I contacted her I found out what she really meant was "I miss you (but not enough to actually want you back)". absolutely cruel.

[somedude81]

Ha, I'll probably never get the phone call/text. My ex is too stubborn. Once her mind is made up, it's made up.

[Simon Phoenix]

well it is different for everyone, but I have noticed that the exes who contacted me to reconcile did because they found life was crap without me in it so they needed me back in their life and they noticed this within six months.

 

the ones that contacted me AFTER the six month mark had nothing to say but useless breadcrumbs "hi how are you? how did you end up going on that project you were working on? hope you are well." - useless breadcrumbs.

 

one even went a step further to say that she missed me. I took this to mean she wanted me back and when I contacted her I found out what she really meant was "I miss you (but not enough to actually want you back)". absolutely cruel.

 

Meh, I had an ex that didn't talk to me for over a year throw herself at me. There's no rhyme or reason to it really.

[Ordinaryday]

Meh, I had an ex that didn't talk to me for over a year throw herself at me. There's no rhyme or reason to it really.

 

yeah I learned that people are completely unpredictable. I had had some MAJOR arguments with my ex over things like money, living arrangements and so on.

 

we always came to a resolution and then one day we had what I thought was a minor fight about something (it seemed minor in comparison to the previous arguments we had had) and she just said that was it, it was over, don't ever contact her again.

 

I was sure, at first, that she would be angry for a few days and then come back levelheaded. but nope, never ever heard another word from her again.

[melell]

I had them banging down the door.

 

It sucks, because it makes you feel like the dumper. I had about 3 months of being really quite devastated and feeling worthless, and then months and months of feeling guilty for rejecting them after so long together.

 

My heart was broken. I'll always feel a little uncomfortable with that part of my past, but I don't regret it at all.

[Ordinaryday]

I had them banging down the door.

 

It sucks, because it makes you feel like the dumper. I had about 3 months of being really quite devastated and feeling worthless, and then months and months of feeling guilty for rejecting them after so long together.

 

My heart was broken. I'll always feel a little uncomfortable with that part of my past, but I don't regret it at all.

 

I have had people like that, trying to make me feel guilty for not taking them back. I always just say one thing to them "I didnt do this, you did. I didnt choose to end the relationship, you did. you are just having to live with the consequences of your own actions"