dextermorgan33 Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 (edited) I'm a 22 year old chef at a restaurant and there is this new barista that I've been working with for the better part of 3 weeks now and I'm picking up a bunch of signals from this girl. The first day I met her she was quiet and kinda kept to herself all day. Second day I approached her and starting conversing and flirting with her asking her what she did outside of work and what her major was at school. She was extremely energetic during our conversation, crazy amount of eye contact, in my "personal space", constantly smiling and giggling at my stupid jokes. She also even starts some of the conversations with me as if she's genuinely interested in what I have to say. Since the second day I met her, our conversations have been following that exact guideline (smiles,giggling,eye contact,personal space) but she told me 1 week ago that she has a boyfriend who lives an hour and a half away... I played it cool when she brought up her boyfriend and asked her how long she had been seeing him and her response was only a couple of weeks and we left it at that. She hasn't brought up her boyfriend in any single conversation we've had since. So my main question is how the hell do I proceed here without ruining things too badly in the work place? Had a prime opportunity to ask her out for an afternoon coffee today after work but didn't man up and ask her. She actually kinda looked almost disappointed when she was saying goodbye to me. Maybe in a way she was expecting me to ask her? Haven't been overtly flirting with her but she must certainly know that we're passed the point of polite coworkers... PS Also debating whether or not I should add her on Facebook...really don't want to come across as that creepy Facebook guy at work Edited March 27, 2014 by dextermorgan33
Stay Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 I really don't see anything besides normal friendly conversations. Some girls like the attention so they might just act like this also but there's nothing clear that says she's interested in my opinion.
David87 Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 Quit your job and then ask her out. It's never a good idea to hit on your co workers especially when they have bf's and gf's. My advice will be not to ask her out but that's up to.
d0nnivain Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 As a chef this is your real job. As a barista this is probably something she's doing while she's still in school. Don't quit your job. It is only temporary for her. The "rules" about work place dating are more lax in the restaurant business. Anyway, she mentioned a BF. That's the nicest way possible for a woman to signal that she is OK for some harmless flirting but that she doesn't want you to ask her out. If you are genuinely interested, keep up the subtle flirting. Don't overlook the other women at work; kind of spread your charm around. Make sure you mention to her that you'd love to know if she ends her relationship with her BF. Until she tells you that it's over with him, don't ask her out.
BreakOnThrough Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 She told you she had a boyfriend, leave her and it alone if you want to take things further. If she likes you and wants to date you, she will BE SURE to make it known to you that she is single. Until then, stop obsessing. 1
Sweetnothing Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 She has a boyfriend, don't be a scumbag. Asking her out anyway would make you look less desirable in her eyes anyway because it tells her how few options you have. You want to make it seem like you have plenty of options and are desired by many women (without getting cocky). If you two have chemistry maybe when she's single you can ask her, but for now you just sound desperate. There's no mixed signals, she's friendly and wants to make a good impression on her new job. Take it at face value, don't overanalyze her actions. If I were you I'd back off. That's the best way to gauge someone's feelings. Create space for THEM to come to YOU.
Sweetnothing Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 Oh and don't add her on facebook. Don't even focus on her. She'll respect you more if you respect that she has a boyfriend. As a girl, if a guy asked me out while I'm in a relationship, I would never date him because he's proven that he doesn't care about boundaries, he's just chasing tail. What's stopping him from asking out other girls with boyfriends? What's stopping him from cheating? You're gonna show her that exclusive relationships don't mean d*ck to you.
truth_seeker Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 Oh and don't add her on facebook. Don't even focus on her. She'll respect you more if you respect that she has a boyfriend. As a girl, if a guy asked me out while I'm in a relationship, I would never date him because he's proven that he doesn't care about boundaries, he's just chasing tail. What's stopping him from asking out other girls with boyfriends? What's stopping him from cheating? You're gonna show her that exclusive relationships don't mean d*ck to you. I agree, but what about women with boyfriends who lead men on?
Author dextermorgan33 Posted March 30, 2014 Author Posted March 30, 2014 As a chef this is your real job. As a barista this is probably something she's doing while she's still in school. Don't quit your job. It is only temporary for her. The "rules" about work place dating are more lax in the restaurant business. Anyway, she mentioned a BF. That's the nicest way possible for a woman to signal that she is OK for some harmless flirting but that she doesn't want you to ask her out. If you are genuinely interested, keep up the subtle flirting. Don't overlook the other women at work; kind of spread your charm around. Make sure you mention to her that you'd love to know if she ends her relationship with her BF. Until she tells you that it's over with him, don't ask her out. How would I be able to ask her to let me know when her current realtionship is over without coming across as a straight up creep??
mema1982 Posted March 30, 2014 Posted March 30, 2014 the best thing i can recommend you is to make her see what she's missing out on facebook? only if it's appealing show her hot girls you date maybe even make up stories (but don't over do it cos women can tell) flirt with others be love bale at work ETC....
Author dextermorgan33 Posted March 31, 2014 Author Posted March 31, 2014 the best thing i can recommend you is to make her see what she's missing out on facebook? only if it's appealing show her hot girls you date maybe even make up stories (but don't over do it cos women can tell) flirt with others be love bale at work ETC.... I already do this at work so I guess I'll just have to be patient and wait and see what happens. Thanks for the advice everyone!
Author dextermorgan33 Posted April 19, 2014 Author Posted April 19, 2014 Gave her a ride home from work a couple of days ago and then asked her out for coffee. To my surprise she agreed immediately to coffee and she had a good time with me. She was giggling at every single one of my idiotic jokes. Her agreeing to coffee with me makes me think that she is trying to feel me out and get to know me better outside of work. I'm also aware that a coffee date could just be a friendly thing. The eye contact I got during the coffee date was pretty insane. I guess my question for everyone would be where do I go from here? I have her number now but I don't know if it would be appropriate to text her. Should I ask her out to the bar? Or dinner? So confused right now so any advice is much appreciated!
contact1 Posted April 19, 2014 Posted April 19, 2014 Gave her a ride home from work a couple of days ago and then asked her out for coffee. To my surprise she agreed immediately to coffee and she had a good time with me. She was giggling at every single one of my idiotic jokes. Her agreeing to coffee with me makes me think that she is trying to feel me out and get to know me better outside of work. I'm also aware that a coffee date could just be a friendly thing. The eye contact I got during the coffee date was pretty insane. I guess my question for everyone would be where do I go from here? I have her number now but I don't know if it would be appropriate to text her. Should I ask her out to the bar? Or dinner? So confused right now so any advice is much appreciated! Bad idea, never date someone you work with, you are just asking for drama to happen.
brandon26003 Posted April 19, 2014 Posted April 19, 2014 Don't dip your pen in company ink. Baristas are skilled at flirting because that's how they make their tips. She could be playing you like she is her customers to her benefit. And it's kinda messed up to mess with someone that has a boyfriend. If he didn't mean anything to her, she wouldn't have brought it up. Nothing but drama can come of it.
Author dextermorgan33 Posted April 19, 2014 Author Posted April 19, 2014 This is a college job for me not my career so I have no concerns with "dipping my pen in company ink". Just curious to see if there is anything there for me. If she has a boyfriend why not just say no to coffee and leave it at that? She doesn't strike me at all as the attention grabbing type of girl. She keeps to herself a lot.
ExpatInItaly Posted April 19, 2014 Posted April 19, 2014 Gave her a ride home from work a couple of days ago and then asked her out for coffee. To my surprise she agreed immediately to coffee and she had a good time with me. She was giggling at every single one of my idiotic jokes. Her agreeing to coffee with me makes me think that she is trying to feel me out and get to know me better outside of work. I'm also aware that a coffee date could just be a friendly thing. The eye contact I got during the coffee date was pretty insane. I guess my question for everyone would be where do I go from here? I have her number now but I don't know if it would be appropriate to text her. Should I ask her out to the bar? Or dinner? So confused right now so any advice is much appreciated! Does she still have a boyfriend? If so, you don't do anything. You're playing with fire here. Don't be surprised when you get burned. 1
truth_seeker Posted April 19, 2014 Posted April 19, 2014 Right Thing to Do: Pull her aside and explain to her that you just want to be friends, and that you're not interested in anything more than that with her. Wrong Thing to Do: Butter her up with compliments, maybe give a small, innocuous gift, make her feel special and hook up with her. Only you can decide whether to do the RIGHT thing or the WRONG thing.
Author dextermorgan33 Posted May 6, 2014 Author Posted May 6, 2014 I think I've decided that I'm going to let her know how I feel about her. She's quitting and moving back home in 2 weeks. Even if she doesn't feel the same way I just need to get it off my chest and let her know what I think about her.
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