SamuelJoe Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 Hello folks at Loveshack, I have been in relationship with my girlfriend for 4 years. Today something went really wrong. From the beginning of our relationship there has always been a problem with meeting up. First of all there was her controlling mother who didn't let her sleep over at my place and later when she moved out, university and work took over it. Now she lives with her siblings. We meet up only 1-2 a week...and it usually happens late in the evening (sometimes she sleeps over at my place, just because it is closer to her work), which means that usually we have little time to chat and do other things together. So we almost have no quality time together. I mean, future planning, going out together for a lunch or spending productive studying day together at home is out of question. Basically, our routine is: Meeting late at night - having a dinner - if not extremely tired, browse internet - maybe sex - and then go to sleep...and early in the morning leave the house for school or work. She is really nice person, outgoing and things like that, but by seeing her seldom makes me feel weird. She has a part-time job and also writing her BA thesis on a free time, so she is busy as never before. Since she started with her thesis, I have been trying to be respectful with her busy schedule and do not demand her to spend a lot of time with me. But today I exploded. I texted her to invite her for a coffee or study together at my place, she refused it, because she had some other plans - which was fine totally and acceptable. Next option was to meet day after before work. I could meet her then, but she usually sleeps until 10AM and then me having a class at the 12AM, it would be like a short date! We have discussed time issue many times before in a a very assertive way (no big drama), but nothing ever changed. So often I hope that we finally have a chance to have more quality time together. But it seems like she doesn't get a point why should she give more time for our relationship. I really didn't wanted to make her feel bad, but of course it ended up that way. After I denied meeting up at her proposed time and long message of me explaining her that our relationship won't work well if we won't give more quality time to each other, she accused me of being inflexible with time. Also that everything has to be my way. In this case I was definitely inflexible, but it I did it to make a point that the time we meet is usually very limited. I hope someone could give me some ideas what I am doing wrong and what could I do to fix it.
Gaeta Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 You are not doing anything wrong. For the past 4 years you went along with seeing each other very little so now that you want more time it's interfering with schedule. When is her thesis due?
toungeofcolicab Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 When i was with my girlfriend, we would see each other daily. No matter after uni, work, whatever, we had to see one another. That never died out, after 2 years of dating, it was like that still. No matter what things would arise we would make time for one another. As we started seeing one another less due to other commitments, we became paranoid, cause we weren't used to it. We didn't like it, and wanted to still see one another all the time. I just she just expects you to be familiar with her schedule due to how it's been in the past
Author SamuelJoe Posted March 27, 2014 Author Posted March 27, 2014 You are not doing anything wrong. For the past 4 years you went along with seeing each other very little so now that you want more time it's interfering with schedule. When is her thesis due? She has to turn it in in 2 month. I know, she is freaking out of not having enough time and things like that...and it's understandable, but i can't understand the fact that she doesn't see us being trapped into some behavior that doesn't let us grow our relationship.
GemmaUK Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 Hello folks at Loveshack, Since she started with her thesis, I have been trying to be respectful with her busy schedule and do not demand her to spend a lot of time with me. But today I exploded. I texted her to invite her for a coffee or study together at my place, she refused it, because she had some other plans - which was fine totally and acceptable. Next option was to meet day after before work. I could meet her then, but she usually sleeps until 10AM and then me having a class at the 12AM, it would be like a short date! So, you exploded at her and then you say that you were fine with her having plans? Which is it? She then comes up with a time you can both meet - maybe for that coffee that you suggested and you turn her down because it's not long enough? Personally, I can't drink coffee for hours. I get the shakes from the caffeine, maybe she is the same?
Gaeta Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 She has to turn it in in 2 month. I know, she is freaking out of not having enough time and things like that...and it's understandable, but i can't understand the fact that she doesn't see us being trapped into some behavior that doesn't let us grow our relationship. So what will her schedule be once she turns in that thesis? When you mention the after thesis what does she say?
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