blueshoe Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 (edited) Hello all, I've been in a relationship for about a year, the second half was long distance (me in university, him travelling a lot for his work). My boyfriend and are a match like no other. neither one of us has ever found someone more compatible and in-tune with the others lifestyle, beliefs and personalities. I love him dearly. unfortunately the long-distance is hard, with no near end in sight (I need to finish my undergraduate and masters and school is my priority). we've been able to see each other every month, but… still. I was planning on returning to were we are from for the summer, but I have a job opportunity in another place which would be a good fit for me. That place happens to be a place he has to visit very often for work. About a week ago, we talked about it, and we were both very emotional. I suggested we think about breaking up as its painful to be apart. He said he loved me and that he didn't want to break up, that i was amazing, beautiful and strong and worth the distance. we left the discussion to think things over, the next morning, waking up fresh, i decided that he was worth it. i told him that, and he told me he thought it through, and does not want to have a girlfriend or the responsibilities that come with it. he wants to still talk to me, and go on adventures when we are in the same place- but doesn't want to be my boyfriend. Again he told me what an amazing, beautiful , strong women I was. upon further discussion, he said he felt like the "spark" wasn't there lately and he felt like he was a horrible boyfriend to me(because he was gone so much) but he felt like he really, really, really cared about me- but didn't know if that was the same as love. He still wants to be good friends, and do awesome things and go on adventures (hiking, river trips, caribou hunting etc) with me, just not be my boyfriend. I was very hurt, and I felt very betrayed but I am not one to mope or fall in a heap. So i said okay, if thats what you want. Then I severed contact via phone, Skype, Facebook, texts in order to give myself a fair chance to get over him. I feel like I can't move on with constant contact with him. I'm doing all right. I've got my head on my shoulders and I've made a deal with myself to grieve for a time but ultimately move on to other adventures with an open heart. Problem is day after I deleted him on Facebook- he just added me again! I didn't accept. he sent me a message this morning, telling me that he wished I wouldn't cut him out of my life completely and that he missed talking to me and that he hoped i was doing well. Although, I'm young (early 20's), I feel like he is a guy that I could spend my life having adventures with and eventually a family. I've never met someone so good, kind, strong or inspiring. But I also feel like we both need to do our own thing and concentrate on our goals right now. what the heck do I do? what the heck is HE doing? His confusing actions are making me confused now. Any insight into the situation would be much appreciated!! Edited March 27, 2014 by blueshoe
Yasuandio Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 You did the right thing. He cannot just sit on the fence and soak up your wonderful love (unless you let him). NC. Perfect choice. You should probably post in break-ups section. Yas
Author blueshoe Posted March 27, 2014 Author Posted March 27, 2014 oops! you are right- ill post it in breakups. thanks for your feedback!
d0nnivain Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 Not everybody can handle LDRs. I disagree that there is no end in sight for you two to be together. The end may come after you finish your undergraduate degree. You don't yet know where you will go to grad school. There are lots of programs out there & some are OL so it doesn't matter where you are. Yes, education should be a priority but at some point school will end. friends of mine managed an LDR all though undergrad & his medical school. It can be done. That said it seems like he is unwilling to put in the work & deal with the delayed gratification that comes from a LDR. You can't force him so you are doing the right thing by putting some distance in here. You can revisit the issue once you are settled into your summer job. If you want to see him, reach out then. Realize he may have something else to do by then. You may also not want to see him but you should cross that bridge later.
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