Am I wrong in this situation?

[MissNoname]

My bf and I are going on a three day trip with my family and relatives. Its a bus tour so we are going to different city. We are spending a day in a city where he has a cousin living there. Its also a city Ive been wanting to see and spend time with him. I suggested to meet up with his cousin since he is gonna be in town. He thought it was a good idea.

 

Today, he told me he's gonna meet up with her during our trip but not sure till about what time. I told him that I would like to have dinner with him since were only spending one night there together. When I said he should see his cousin I didnt mean he spends most of his time with her. We only staying in that city for a day and its a place Ive been wanting to see with him. He wanted me to go so I could meet her. I said I would be with my family but will have dinner together after. He said I was controling of his time and does not compromise.

 

My point is we are going on the trip together with my family and relatives. I want him to understand its not a trip to see his cousin. I said if he would like to spend alot of time with her then we should plan a separate trip just to see her. But meeting up with her for a couple hours in this situation shouldnt be bad. I dont know what to say to make him understand my point. What do you guys think?

[DArtagnan2]

I think some of the problem in relationships are the expectations each person has. Many times, they are not the same. What one see's as a problem, the other does not. Like in your case.

 

I get this trip was for you, him and your family, but at the same time, he does have family there as well and is just as excited about seeing them WITH you as you are for him to spend time with you and your family. It was even discussed when you knew you two would be in the area where his cousin was that you three could get together. How much time spent though was obviously not discussed until now. So can you really be mad at him?

 

You made your point and he made his. The only way a relationship works is with communication and in this case, some compromise. I get what you feel about your trip with him; what you wanted to do and share with him. But here is where he may not feel as strongly about that as you do. He may have idea's of what he wanted to do and share with you. Which is clear by his statement.

 

I see where you were trying to compromise, but you were still standing your ground. The only advice I have is what I would hope me and someone I am with could do; come to that compromise. Give a little ground up for each other. Realize that what we both want is important to each of us. That we are both excited about spending time with our families and each other. Then work it out so both of you can do what you want and enjoy the trip. Sometimes, you have to give to get.

Edited March 26, 2014 by DArtagnan2

[MissNoname]

I think some of the problem in relationships are the expectations each person has. Many times, they are not the same. What one see's as a problem, the other does not. Like in your case.

 

I get this trip was for you, him and your family, but at the same time, he does have family there as well and is just as excited about seeing them WITH you as you are for him to spend time with you and your family. It was even discussed when you knew you two would be in the area where his cousin was that you three could get together. How much time spent though was obviously not discussed until now. So can you really be mad at him?

 

You made your point and he made his. The only way a relationship works is with communication and in this case, some compromise. I get what you feel about your trip with him; what you wanted to do and share with him. But here is where he may not feel as strongly about that as you do. He may have idea's of what he wanted to do and share with you. Which is clear by his statement.

 

I see where you were trying to compromise, but ytou were still standing your ground. The only advice I have is what I would hope me and someone I am with could do; come to that compromise. Give a little ground up for each other. Realize that what we both want is important to each of us. That we are both excited about spending time with our families and each other. Then work it out so both of you can do what you want and enjoy the trip. Sometimes, you have to give to get.

 

Thanks for your advice. What do you suggest I should do? How do I compromise in this case?

[DArtagnan2]

When you say you "want to spend time with him" is is that you just want to spend time with only him, or with you, your relatives and him?

[MissNoname]

When you say you "want to spend time with him" is is that you just want to spend time with only him, or with you, your relatives and him?

 

Just to have dinner with me. I want me and him to have dinner in SF.

[DArtagnan2]

Thats not much to ask I say. I thought you were wanting to spend time with him throughout the day doing things. (I love SF btw)

 

I dont think that asking him to have dinner with you is too much. He seems to want you to meet her tho. So maybe yous can meet for appetizers and drinks (whatever you drink if even water), then she can leave and you and he can have dinner?

[d0nnivain]

I think the best compromise would be for both of you to spend the day with the cousin & have dinner with the cousin. You will still get to see & do everything you want in the city regardless of the number of people who accompany you. The cousin probably can't take off all day or may not want to so the cousin may only want to be with you for part of the day.

 

 

You get your BF all the time. You will have all the time together during the journey. Presumably he only gets to see the cousin infrequently so I'd let him dictate the times & places to spend with the cousin.

[GemmaUK]

I would invite the cousin along to whatever things you are all doing together.

 

All of you will need to eat dinner.

More the merrier I would have thought?