Dating a Friend

[DArtagnan2]

I have been friends with this girl for over 4 years. We met during a time where she was going through a divorce and I had just been through the ending of a Long Term relationship of almost 8 years. We have supported each other through the process of both breakups and and throughout our dating experiences afterwards when we were ready to get out and date. Yet, we never talked about, thought about or engaged in a conversation of dating each other for all that time. However, getting to know her, I had noticed in the last couple years of our friendship, I developed a crush on her. Not to much to the point where I would act on it. But more so everything that she showed me that had made up her character was what I would hope to find in my next partner.

 

October of last year, during one of our conversations about dating in the world today, she had expressed that she had wished the same; to find someone of my qualities. I told her I had thought the same myself. As the talk went on, she finally said she had a crush on me for some time. I of course, reciprocated and said the same.

 

From that point forward, things moved quickly. Most of our discussions turned to "should we" / "if we" / can we take it past the friendship phase. The biggest issue, ir should I say what we we "thought" was to be the biggest issue was that we lived in different states; about 3 hours from each other. I am one that likes to drive or like road trips, so to me, it was nothing to date someone only 3 hours away. She said the same. That was never really the problem as anytime she wanted me to come see her, I was already packed and ready to go so-to-say. What became the problem was something I didnt expect.

 

Shortly after the announced "crush" things got a lil weird. See she has a child, so our communication was mostly by text during the day, but phone calls before bed and nights and weekends her child was with his father. Sometimes the calls on weekend nights went well in to the morning Sat. or Sun. We never ran out of things to talk about, laughed a lot and so on. The "lil wierd" I mentioned was that for the longest time our communication was great. Never misunderstood what the other said or what they meant by what they said. Now, there were misunderstandings all over the place.

 

The misunderstandings led to some , what I call, a little irrational, or over the top behavior. I say over the top, cus a simple misunderstanding would lead to hours of discussion explaining what I meant or how I meant what I said. Most times, during these Marathon "discussions" she would continue to tell me how "we didnt click" .. "something wasn't right" and then she would end it. This was within weeks of our beginning talks of even dating each other. So really, before it even really started at first, she ended it; twice in one day once.

 

Each time she ended it, she would always come back. Sometimes, it was in the same discussion as when she ended it, and I would say Take care sorry it didn't work out, she would turn and say "Oh, Ok I see. Take care. I thought you were open and we could continue to discuss this..." and it was much like that each time.

 

Each time, I did stay open and discuss things with her. See, for anyone who has been through a split, insecurity can rum rampid when trying to get out and date again, I was in the same boat. So in leui of all our years of friendship and support; that we had always been there for each other, I felt, some responsibility to stay and discuss, give it a chance. Little did I know I needed to continue to give chance after chance after chance and so on...

 

This went on for months. Through Thanksgiving and Christmas where even on Thanksgiving, she invited me to spend it with her and her friends. So I load the car and go only to have her send me home the next morning, Thanksgiving Day, after a 3-4 hour discussion about "the elephant in the room and her saying "something didnt feel right." Only to once again, contact me after a few days and apologize, tell me her real feelings and how she isn't sure why she keeps pushing me away, that she isn't a "hot mess", and so on. But each time this incidents happen, I disconnect a little more from her and any feelings I may have had. Yet, I still have feelings...

 

Which is my problem. I know what a toxic relationship this has been, (and I havent even told you half or even the worse thing she did). My problem is, I still have feelings for her. I have stopped talking to her as of 3 weeks ago. She had gone too far with her behavior towards me and I just had enough. But still, I can't help still having feelings for her. This is my problem. We weren't together very long, but I still want to be with her, in some way.

 

Usually, I can walk away, not feel anything towards someone of such ugliness inside and capable of the things she has done to me or said about me. Usually, I am very quick to walk away and let that be by the way side, but still, I have feelings for her. So much that if she was to write or call, I would write back and talk to her.

 

Now, I would not enter a relationship with her knowing what she is capable of and how she has disrespected me how she did. I am not a idiot, but at the same time, I have these feelings still and I don't get why I still have feelings of "like" towards her when I know it should be anything but.

 

I really don't know what I am asking. I guess I just wanted to put this out others, see if anyone has gone thru this, maybe understand why I may still have these feelings.

 

Sorry this is long, I should have warned you ahead of time.

Edited March 26, 2014 by DArtagnan2

[ThorntonMelon]

She sounds BPD to me.

 

Mind you I'm not a doctor. But I've dated one. I'd read about it a little and see if it fits.