ponchsox Posted March 26, 2014 Posted March 26, 2014 She broke up with me 6 months ago after a 1.5 year relationship. We got in a spat on the phone after and I said some mean things. Last month I texted her that I was sorry. I think she might have blocked me so I sent her a Facebook message. Today I got a text from her: "Of course, I forgive you. You were hurt, I get it." I was shocked as this was the first contact of any kind from her in 5 months. Why do dumpers do this? What is the thought process behind it?
disclosure Posted March 26, 2014 Posted March 26, 2014 You messaged your ex, and you're wondering why she replied? There is no deep meaning behind this. You apologized, she forgave you. 10
Author ponchsox Posted March 26, 2014 Author Posted March 26, 2014 You messaged your ex, and you're wondering why she replied? There is no deep meaning behind this. You apologized, she forgave you. True, but a lot of time elapsed between my apology and her forgiving. At some point, she felt the need to break NC on her end.
iDrumKing Posted March 26, 2014 Posted March 26, 2014 True, but a lot of time elapsed between my apology and her forgiving. At some point, she felt the need to break NC on her end. I think that unless she's wanting to get back together, you should just ignore it. 1
disclosure Posted March 26, 2014 Posted March 26, 2014 True, but a lot of time elapsed between my apology and her forgiving. At some point, she felt the need to break NC on her end. It could be a number of things. Maybe it is breadcrumbs. Maybe she was starting to feel guilty for not responding. Maybe she needed more time to answer you for whatever reason. Maybe she felt as though it was too soon to reply to you right then and thought she was doing a service to you by waiting a little. Maybe she forgot about the message and came across it again that evening. Maybe she was lonely. And you could rack your brain and spend your days thinking about the reason as to why she chose this time to contact you and didn't do it immediately. And you could message her again and ask her why she waited so long, and she could reply and give you 1 of those reasons or 1 of a million other possibilities. Or she could ignore you again and maybe message you a month down the line as to why. But whatever her motivation was to replying now, the content of the message is pretty clear. Should just take it for what it is and continue moving on.
KaliLove Posted March 26, 2014 Posted March 26, 2014 If she wanted to get back together she would say so. I would ignore it and not read too much into it.
Author ponchsox Posted March 27, 2014 Author Posted March 27, 2014 If she wanted to get back together she would say so. I would ignore it and not read too much into it. I have no interest in getting back with her. I was thinking about a friendship but I'm even torn on that.
Trovador Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 As my grandmother used to say, she just wants to know if the doggie is still chained to the fence... he is obviously...
BC1980 Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 What did you do that you felt was so bad it warranted breaking NC to apologize?
Author ponchsox Posted March 27, 2014 Author Posted March 27, 2014 Haven't heard from her in 6 mos and I get 6 texts in a row and then a "sorry, wrong person text?" My response was "who is this?"
David87 Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 It wasn't an accident because she send you six of them not just one lol. Ignore them next time, all she wants is a little attention.
mema1982 Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 (edited) I can tell you that one of the most important rules to make a woman text you back is by talking to her emotions (scientifically proven!!!) so that's why she replayed you and the reason it took her so long to answer i would say she must have been very emotional at that moment or she might have second thoughts with u... I think you should ignore her unless you want her back Edited March 27, 2014 by mema1982
martaldn Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 I think that unless she's wanting to get back together, you should just ignore it. but - how is he going to find out if she wants to get back together if he ignores her? and in case she wants to go back together what she should say or do if not just testing the water (at least at the very beginning)? this is a genuine question from my side because I think I am missing some parts here... if you consider any attempt from an ex breadcrumbs, than what about all the couples that got back together after a split? there must have been a very first try from a part or another to re-link the contacts and I guess most of them weren't much more than a "testing water thing". or maybe I am wrong... ?
disclosure Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 (edited) but - how is he going to find out if she wants to get back together if he ignores her? and in case she wants to go back together what she should say or do if not just testing the water (at least at the very beginning)? this is a genuine question from my side because I think I am missing some parts here... if you consider any attempt from an ex breadcrumbs, than what about all the couples that got back together after a split? there must have been a very first try from a part or another to re-link the contacts and I guess most of them weren't much more than a "testing water thing". or maybe I am wrong... ? Because she will tell him if she wants to get back together. In this instance she didn't try to extend the conversation at all. Her answer was blunt and to the point. Edited March 27, 2014 by disclosure 1
Itspointless Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 Well especially as your ex was avoidantly attached take her words as a confirmation that you really were not to blame for what happened.
BC1980 Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 You baited her into a response. What's the mystery?
4everalones Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 she took her time to heal and truly forgive you. She was letting you know that you're free of the guilty of the hurtful things you said. I wouldn't read too much into it, and I would let it go. She's being polite and having HER own closure. Everything the dumper does is for themselves. It's not necessarily evil or manipulative, but it's always for themselves only. When a relationship fails, each person should take care of him/herself. That's what she's doing, and that's what you should be doing. Focus on yourself and your next steps. I would suggest that you let this text go, or if you have to answer, you can reply with an impersonal message like "thank you". I strongly suggest that you keep No Contact going. I know it's hard, I am having trouble as well, but it will hopefully get better. Good luck!
Author ponchsox Posted March 27, 2014 Author Posted March 27, 2014 So I haven't heard a peep from my ex GF in 6 months since we broke up and had our spat. I recently told her I was sorry for saying the mean things I said and she texted yesterday that she forgave me. Well this morning, I get 6 texts in a row from her. Sounded like they are for her sister but she said "sorry, wrong person!" I find it a coincidence that this is a mistake. Is she baiting me to start conversing again?
Simon Phoenix Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 So I haven't heard a peep from my ex GF in 6 months since we broke up and had our spat. I recently told her I was sorry for saying the mean things I said and she texted yesterday that she forgave me. Well this morning, I get 6 texts in a row from her. Sounded like they are for her sister but she said "sorry, wrong person!" I find it a coincidence that this is a mistake. Is she baiting me to start conversing again? What do you want them to mean?
KaliLove Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 I do that all the time. I wouldn't read into it.
Trovador Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 She doesn't need to bait you, as you are very ready to jump in conversation with her with both feet... Maybe the real message here was: "sorry, wrong person!" 1
Ordinaryday Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 total bait. A proper dumper should have never made that mistake because THEY WOULD HAVE DELETED YOUR NUMBER FROM THEIR PHONE, making 'accidental' calls and texts impossible. but just because it is bait does not mean she wants you back. she wants you to respond to see if you are still hooked, because she either wants an ego boost or wants to ease her conscience by having a one minute chat with you and you telling her that things are okay between the two of you, no hard feelings, and that way she wont feel guilty. Don't give her that.
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