married2school Posted March 26, 2014 Posted March 26, 2014 Hey everyone, just wanted some advice about situations going on with my boyfriend's mom. I'm a 24 year old medical student dating another non-traditional medical student who is 34. We are visiting his parents and his hometown this week for spring break. We have a test next week so we are having to fit in some studying as well. His mom has been very nagging about us studying. But at the same time, today after an appointment she said he looked like he needed to rest. She is not a mean person, but she is not hesitant to share her opinion about everything she thinks he should do. I had good parents that were very involved in my life growing up. I feel like they raised me well, but they never put a ton of pressure on me regarding school. Though I have never needed it, I've got a brother who will be 20 next week and sits at home all day and plays video games. I see where some pressure is a good thing, but his mom seems to be the complete opposite and given his age, I find it very frustrating to listen to. I suppose there isn't a whole lot I can do about it - and I should note it isn't like he always listens to her. He accepts the advice that he finds to be good, but does what he wants most of the time regardless. At the same time, he has stated he doesn't want to fight with her, so he won't say anything. Whereas I have gone months without speaking to my mom because of similar situations. We have a very different style of dealing with this sort of issue I suppose. I would just appreciate some feedback or advice - I'm having a hard time enjoying my spring break because of her....
preraph Posted March 26, 2014 Posted March 26, 2014 Well, unless you're prepared to pay for his medical school, I'd stay out of the way until he gets his phd. She has a lot at stake here. He is dependent on her for putting him through school, so he has to abide by her conditions. I don't know when you're finding time to date in med school. It's quite grueling, from what I've heard and takes full concentration. Since you're worried about him being a slave to his mom, you could have the conversation sometime: What about after you're done with school? What if your mom didn't like who you wanted to marry? Would you stand up to her? If in general he finds it hard to say no to his mom, yes, that is a red flag. No woman in her right mind wants to be second. But that's not for now. Now he's a dependent student under the edicts of his mom because (I'm assuming) of finances. Now if I'm wrong and he's paying his own way through school, I take it all back.
Keenly Posted March 26, 2014 Posted March 26, 2014 Well, unless you're prepared to pay for his medical school, I'd stay out of the way until he gets his phd. She has a lot at stake here. He is dependent on her for putting him through school, so he has to abide by her conditions. I don't know when you're finding time to date in med school. It's quite grueling, from what I've heard and takes full concentration. Since you're worried about him being a slave to his mom, you could have the conversation sometime: What about after you're done with school? What if your mom didn't like who you wanted to marry? Would you stand up to her? If in general he finds it hard to say no to his mom, yes, that is a red flag. No woman in her right mind wants to be second. But that's not for now. Now he's a dependent student under the edicts of his mom because (I'm assuming) of finances. Now if I'm wrong and he's paying his own way through school, I take it all back. I don't remember her saying his mom is paying a 34 year olds school tuition .
SammySammy Posted March 26, 2014 Posted March 26, 2014 He realizes his mother is not going to change. So, he ignores her. You should do the same. It seems that his mother doesn't really mean any harm. "Addressing" this is probably not going to result in a positive solution. Therefore, it's best to find a way to not let this bother you and move on.
Author married2school Posted March 27, 2014 Author Posted March 27, 2014 Thanks for the advice, guys. I do think his parents are paying a small amount on either older loans or medical school - since you can't exactly work in medical school, and they are in a place where they can do that. My parents can't do that at all, and I have no problem with that. But I can definitely see where having a slight financial investment in your child does change things a little. Either way, most of the time he seems to make the decision he wants to. It does bother me a little that she finds it so necessary to be in his business 24/7. But I am fiercely independent and the downright opposite of that so it is only natural that it would seem uncomfortable to me.
d0nnivain Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 Bite your tongue. You are a guest in their home. If he isn't upset by his mom's behavior, you shouldn't stir up trouble.
Recommended Posts