He went back and forth between me and the OW and then chose her!

[Lost-Soul]

So me and my ex dated for a year and a half, we were each other's first real love. Our relationship was long distance. We were madly in love and would text all day/ skype at night/ travel to one another from time to time. And other than some ups and downs, we were happy together. We had a future planned, he always brought up marriage and kids and all that. He said i was the love of his life, that he never wants to lose me... However, because it was long distance, i was always a little jealous/possessive, but it never lead to anything serious. I trusted him, as he seemed very much in love with me, and would always say that he only had eyes for me. During the last month of the relationship, things took a downward spiral, he became different and distant and i felt like something is wrong. Me feeling this made me cling on to him more, which made him pull away further. I was extremely frustrated and we were constantly fighting for that last month. On new year's eve, he was traveling (for work) and we fought about something and he said "stop forcing yourself on me", after which i broke up with him. I was very angry but we did talk the day next and i told him let's just take a break for a couple of days to calm down.

 

For the duration of his trip (4 days), we had limited contact, mostly because he was never available. After he went back home, he called me and we talked, and he said that he loves me a little less than before, i went crazy and asked him if there was someone else (i felt it in my heart), and he said no and got all defensive and angry. That's when we officially broke up. Next day i cried and wept and pleaded (woops), he was extremely mean to me and told me to get out of his life, that he doesn't love me anymore. He said really horrible heartless things. Things like: "i loved you once but now i've recovered. Kill your feelings for me. I wish i never met you". I was completely heart broken. He then calls me the next day and tells me that he wants me to open up to other people and not let this affect me, and that's when he told me he's with someone else. He tells me about this girl that he met a while back during a business trip, and that they were talking that last month we were fighting and he started having feelings for her. Then he met her again while we were on the break, and things happened and now that we're broken up, he's happy with her and loves her... I was very neutral during the call and didn't show any emotions (i was devastated).

 

He then calls me the day next and says that he misses me, that he just sits there and wonders what i'm doing all day... he sounds very apologetic and guilty, and asks if there's a chance for us of getting back together. I tell him it's too late and hang up. Fast forward a couple of days of LC. He goes back to her country to visit her (but of course lies to me about his destination at first). After his 3 day trip, we resume some contact and i was just being myself, not the jealous cheated crazy ex. I told him i moved on too and gave the guy who likes me at work a chance. A couple of days into it, he tells me that he can't pretend with her anymore, that he loves me more than anything and that he wants me back. He threatens to commit suicide, because he just can't live with the idea of hurting me this much, and can't live without me. I being the fool i am, fell for this and gave him another chance. He breaks up with her (supposedly). He did say that he has feelings for her and doesn't want to get her out of his life completely just yet. But then she has a false pregnancy scare, which made me doubt what he said about their sexual encounter. He initially said that he only slept with her on the second trip, when we were broken up, but since it was too early to get pregnant, i made him admit that he actually did sleep with her on the first trip, every day while he was there. I completely broke down and refused to take any of his calls (all 40 of them). I then did the extremely stupid mistake of sending the OW a facebook message telling her that unlike what he said, we were still together when he was sleeping with her every day. It was very ugly and beneath me, but i was angry and heart broken. After that facebook message, he didn't try to contact me for 3 weeks, and went back to her. I was devastated, again.

 

At that time, i was traveling to visit my brother (same country as ex), the trip was already planned before we broke up and the ex knew of the arriving date. we talked the day before i traveled and he begged to see me, even if just for 5 minutes. Again, i did the stupid mistake of agreeing. The moment he saw me, he broke down in tears, he said that she is the biggest regret in his life, that losing me was the biggest mistake, that he's not happy with her, just pretending. He said she was just a breather from the fights and that i suffocated him. He said i complete him, i was the love of his life. Seeing that amount of crying, i believed it was actually genuine, but boy was i wrong. The next couple of days were pretty magical. He swept me off my feet. I was still very hurt and had my doubts, but being in his presence clouded my judgement.

 

After i traveled back home, he started being distant again, and every time i ask if he broke up with her, he would say that he's in the process, and then he would tell me to stop pressuring him. One week later, he came to visit me. He was different. The intimate part was still very electric, but he confessed that the day i left, his gf came to visit and they were trying to work things out, but then she realized that he was still talking to me and broke up with him. He said he's confused and doesn't wanna hurt me. After he left, he said he wants to be single for now, and that he doesn't see himself with either of us. But surprise surprise, after his gf calmed down, they patched things up, and again, everything he said while weeping and during my trip was meaningless. He then said that he loves her and wants to be with her, that he loves me more but doesn't wanna go back to the suffocation. He said he doesn't want me out of his life, that he wants to stay near me. I gave him a piece of my mind and told him to stay away from me. This was 5 days ago. We have been NC since then. This guy has played my heart so hard. He lied to me and his gf, except unlike her, i know the truth. I don't know what to do, other than stay away from this toxic triangle. But I can't stop loving him, or missing him (stupid me). The time we spent together was really passionate and amazing. Does that not mean anything to him?? And the worst part is, I seem to be fixated on him and her and everything. I don't know what to do. But this has affected all aspects of my life

[Storm_Chaser]

Oh, my GOD. For a minute, I thought you were the other woman in my ex's life! My ex did the exact same thing to me. He went back and forth between me and this other woman whom he had known for years. He told me such a line of ****--that he was "madly in love with me" and that he had chosen me over her.

 

I found out he was lying to me the whole time and was in a LDR with her while I was practically living at his house.

 

I contacted her on facebook and told her that we had been seeing me this whole time.

 

She is now stuck up his ass 24/7 (which I'm sure is driving him crazy) and he and I are NC (a month in 2 days).

 

He is a total dick.

 

I think these men are either borderline personalities, total narcissists, or legit sociopaths.

 

I mean, no person in his or her right mind can sit there and say, "I love you," one minute and, "I love her," the next.

 

And, what's worse, they're not only liars, but manipulators too! They manipulate your emotions to where you feel like you did something wrong (i.e. your boyfriend saying you were suffocating him). They never take responsibility for their own wrong doing--it's always someone else.

 

My ex's favorite saying was, "I'm always paying for someone else's sins."

 

That's absurd...unless you're Jesus.

 

Which he was most definitely not.

 

 

My advice is to lose this ******* and when he comes back--because these people always do--tell him you really hope things work out with him and this other woman, because you're done.

 

Let her deal with this crazy ****. I mean, you tried to warn her. Your conscience is clean.

 

My ex is going to take the woman he's with to the emotional and financial cleaners. I tried to warn her without telling her the more hurtful things he said about her, but to no avail.

 

Her biggest mistake will be not having listened to me.

 

Find someone worthy of you.

[No Limit]

Well, then choose someone else as well. There's nothing to gain anymore and these types aren't made for relationships anyway. Find a real partner.

[Lost-Soul]

Oh, my GOD. For a minute, I thought you were the other woman in my ex's life! My ex did the exact same thing to me. He went back and forth between me and this other woman whom he had known for years. He told me such a line of ****--that he was "madly in love with me" and that he had chosen me over her.

 

I found out he was lying to me the whole time and was in a LDR with her while I was practically living at his house.

 

I contacted her on facebook and told her that we had been seeing me this whole time.

 

She is now stuck up his ass 24/7 (which I'm sure is driving him crazy) and he and I are NC (a month in 2 days).

 

He is a total dick.

 

I think these men are either borderline personalities, total narcissists, or legit sociopaths.

 

I mean, no person in his or her right mind can sit there and say, "I love you," one minute and, "I love her," the next.

 

And, what's worse, they're not only liars, but manipulators too! They manipulate your emotions to where you feel like you did something wrong (i.e. your boyfriend saying you were suffocating him). They never take responsibility for their own wrong doing--it's always someone else.

 

My ex's favorite saying was, "I'm always paying for someone else's sins."

 

That's absurd...unless you're Jesus.

 

Which he was most definitely not.

 

 

My advice is to lose this ******* and when he comes back--because these people always do--tell him you really hope things work out with him and this other woman, because you're done.

 

Let her deal with this crazy ****. I mean, you tried to warn her. Your conscience is clean.

 

My ex is going to take the woman he's with to the emotional and financial cleaners. I tried to warn her without telling her the more hurtful things he said about her, but to no avail.

 

Her biggest mistake will be not having listened to me.

 

Find someone worthy of you.

 

 

I'm sorry you had to go through that as well. I don't know why these types have to string us along this way. But you're right, there must be some kind of personality disorder involved. After the break up, i did some research and i read a lot about Narcissim and NPD, and the guy fit the criteria to some extent. I don't know, i never thought he was capable of doing something like this. I mean he was a nice guy!

 

And the worst thing is, he knows i had some bad past experiences which made me have trust issues. And the day he broke the news about the OW, he was like "don't you dare contact her, she's very damaged from her past relationship and i love her and don't want to hurt her"... and i was like "oh no... well what about my damage!!!" Apparently she was in a relationship with this guy for 7 years, and then he woke up one day and told her he's not happy and left her. So her and my ex were practically saving one another from horrific past relationships, lol. And they announced that they're not each other's rebound, that it's real and meant to be; star crossed rebounds, hilarious.

 

And oh yes, he blamed me for cheating! They seem to turn everything on us. And while he was wooing her, he painted me as this controlling crazy girlfriend that made his life hell, and her as his savior from the torture i subjected him to. Poor thing was always the victim... Then he told her we broke up (before we did), and went on full pursuit.

 

We are definitely better off, but still it's hard! Let's just stick to NC, kudos on the 1 month milestone, i look forward to the day where he stops occupying my thoughts 24/7 :/

Edited March 27, 2014 by Lost-Soul