I get so nervous around my ex still :/

[cimplysonfused]

It's been almost a year and I still get nervous seeing or talking to my ex. I don't know why this happens.

 

He was my first boyfriend, and the relationship was not good. He was an okay guy, but no one I could see myself with long term. He did nice things for me, but communication was lacking badly, he was aggressive and a bit controlling. Sex was not that good either (he was inconsiderate). And after a while I began to have trust issues with him because I didn't know what he was going to do next.

 

I felt so trapped in the relationship that after a while I finally told him I was unhappy. We ended the relationship mutually, but tried to remain friends.

However, I did express that I needed space. During this time I found, that he had lied to me about having been tested for STDs (turns out he had one and didn't know it). I felt betrayed by this. He apologized and everything, even tried to reconsider a relationship, but I couldn't do that. But I did say we could be friends, (my mistake for his benefit), but again, I asked for space for a while. I never got that from him though (he kept contacting me), and finally I gave in (within 2 weeks). Eventually, he kept trying to come on to me. At first, I allowed it, because I thought it would take away what I was feeling but after a couple times it made me feel even more terrible so I began denying those advances. That didn't work, and he continued to come on to me and it got to one point where he literally attacked me.

 

After that, I let him go completely out of my life, to which he continued to harass me through text (almost daily), saying he didn't know what he did wrong and that he was sorry. I no longer would respond. He eventually stopped contacting me. I was overwhelmed with regret and I spent a lot of time pitying myself.

 

It had been a whole summer since I saw him again, and honestly I went back to school still licking my wounds from what happened to me. These days I see him often, (we go to the same school). I didn't want there to be drama, so (even though I was still hurting) I initiated contact when school started saying "hi" and being polite, but it got more difficult seeing him more often. It's hard because I get so wound up by this guy. I get so nervous, every time I see him, it's like "omg what do I do...", and most of the time I end up panicking and acting really strange.

 

I don't know why I feel so nervous or shy or whatever I feel around him, he doesn't seem to have a care in the world when he sees me, so what is wrong with me??

 

How can I change this?

[iouaname]

Honestly it's the same for me. My ex and I have been broken up for over a year. The first 8 months were a rollercoaster of fighting and bitching each other out, but around the following fall he started initiating contact attempting to be friends, but every time I'd talk to him I felt really nervous and uncomfortable, so around 13 months I cut contact completely, but I still feel like if I were to end up running into him now (it's been about 15 months), I'd be nervous and anxious still.

[Arieswoman]

cimplysonfused,

I am confused.

 

This guy physically and emotionally abused you and you wonder why you are nervous when he is around ??

 

You say he attacked you - did you report this to anyone?

 

You might have PTSD - Post Traumatic Stress Disorder - please see a qualified counsellor and talk about your experiences, or talk to your tutor at school.

 

There is still time to report his assault on you, so you might like to take advice about this as well.

 

He sounds like a real of work, so just be thankful so aren't with him anymore.

 

Please, please do get some professional help with this.

[cimplysonfused]

I did question things in this relationship, but I didn't know I was being abused? How can I know for sure I was abused??

 

And yeah, it felt like he attacked me. I after hanging out one night with friends we went back to my room to eat and hang out, and from there he started coming on to me again, and would not stop even though I was yelling at him to stop. He only stopped because he heard a door open in the hall and thought someone could hear me yelling.

 

I didn't tell anyone about it except for close friends, and they were shocked, but they never suggested I tell anyone about it so I never did. I just tried to keep it cool after by cutting him off all together, until school started up again. But now I just feel stupid for even trying to be friendly/cordial with him.

 

My sister suggested also, that I talk to someone, I feel like I need to. Because admittedly, I am still hurting over a few things that happened to me in our relationship, that I feel responsible for, and I do feel shame and guilt. I don't know about PTSD though, I hope that's not the case, I don't think we were together long enough for me to experience that.