ScaredAlien2 Posted March 26, 2014 Posted March 26, 2014 (edited) My story’s here if interested - http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/465715-betrayed-manipulated I find myself really struggling today after having some really good past few days (working on me, etc.).. I really, really want to break no contact, but I know I can’t. The fact she hasn’t reached out to me yet solidifies the way she feels towards me and her lack of remorse for what she did. She never even thought twice about us.. Threw it away like it never happened. I know her cheating allowed her to be less emotionally involved than I was, so letting go was never an issue for her. The thing that pains me the most is that we were friends for 6 years beforehand, and that doesn’t seem to matter at all to her either. I recently found out she was crying over her ex-bf, who she cheated on me with, two days after we broke up. Not only her ex-bf but she’s also sleeping around with a local bartender, who I assume, she cheated on me with as well.. I feel like breaking something, punching something, and just flat out yelling ather for how slutty she’s made herself. Why would her best friend feel the need to tell me these things? To think we were talking about marriage, her moving in, howI was to ask her grandpa for permission to marrying her, to finding out she was cheating all in the last 4 months of our relationship blows my mind everyday. How can someone do such athing? Tell you all that, when in reality they are not serious, and it’s just to “tell you what you want to hear”. How selfish can one be? I’ve never been lied to on this level and for so long. Out of all my relationships, she was the first girl I truly loved. I’m turning bitter towards women, and my compassionate self has dwindled into a “me against the world” mentality. I can’t trust anyone, andcan’t trust women especially. They allsay they want this fairy tale romance, but when they get it they run away. I hope it doesn’t last….. I don’t want her to win and let this change me as a person, but in reality it has.. Just need to vent, and share my thoughts with the kind people here. Any advice would be helpful. Edited March 26, 2014 by ScaredAlien2 Spelling
Author ScaredAlien2 Posted March 26, 2014 Author Posted March 26, 2014 Definitely should have put this in coping.. My bad
WYSWYG Posted March 26, 2014 Posted March 26, 2014 I'm feeling the same today. Felt like the first week after BU. I've been ok for a long while but just heard a song that reminded me of my last night seeing her.......that was over 4 months ago.....dammit!
Author ScaredAlien2 Posted March 26, 2014 Author Posted March 26, 2014 It's crazy right? I was at a restaurant today for lunch and it reminded me of the last time we spoke I guess why they call it up days and down days. It just really f-ing sucks that my ex was never actually emotionally involved with me and lied to make me think she was. How could we not of mattered to her? How is there no feelings on her end that she gave up something really good? She always told me I was her dream guy and we literally had everything in common. But now, all lies, even if some were true. She left me with a bitter view of her and the world. I don't think I'll be ok for a long long while. And that's scary as ****
Author ScaredAlien2 Posted March 26, 2014 Author Posted March 26, 2014 It's such a helpless feeling. Loving someone who could care less if you even existed.
ponchsox Posted March 26, 2014 Posted March 26, 2014 It's crazy right? I was at a restaurant today for lunch and it reminded me of the last time we spoke I guess why they call it up days and down days. It just really f-ing sucks that my ex was never actually emotionally involved with me and lied to make me think she was. How could we not of mattered to her? How is there no feelings on her end that she gave up something really good? She always told me I was her dream guy and we literally had everything in common. But now, all lies, even if some were true. She left me with a bitter view of her and the world. I don't think I'll be ok for a long long while. And that's scary as **** I feel the same. Women are good at making a decision and sticking with it. Or they will justify in their mind why it was the right thing to do even if they blew something good. I feel a little bitter and jaded too. But in the end, I cannot make up her mind for her. She lost a good man, and he ain't coming back under any cirucumstances. 1
Tinkerbelll Posted March 26, 2014 Posted March 26, 2014 It' s been almost 2 months since The BU. Today I couldn't do anything, I just stayed at home on the couch all day long.It is a difficult journey, I allow myself to hit the bottom. 1
Author ScaredAlien2 Posted March 26, 2014 Author Posted March 26, 2014 I am at rock bottom. Not eating, working out still(try to improve right), smoking tons of cigarettes and drinking everynight. I know it's temporary but damn it helps. @ponchsox- you have a great point I'm going to try and internalize. It's her loss, she screwed up something truly amazing, something I think is rare on this planet, but she chose her selfish route over caring about me. I'm going to be fine and I'm positive one day she will look back and cringe on her actions towards me(at least I hope,right?). If she ever tried to throw me a breadcrumb or even do the 180. The man that loved her is gone and her actions changed me. Noway to take her back and noway to ever be friends again. Sad thing to realize. We are all BETTER off no matter how ****ty it is. This is the only way I'm making it through this. I know it's a blip on my radar of life, but damn it hurts.
Author ScaredAlien2 Posted March 26, 2014 Author Posted March 26, 2014 I should mention it's been a week and a half since I found out about everything she did to me during and after our time together. At less I'm glad I figured out not to be so trusting...
ponchsox Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 It' s been almost 2 months since The BU. Today I couldn't do anything, I just stayed at home on the couch all day long.It is a difficult journey, I allow myself to hit the bottom. Tinker- give yourself a break and allow yourself to hit rock bottom. But the key is to quickly pick yourself up and get even better/stronger. I'm 6 months post BU. I started a great new job three months ago. I have a new date on Saturday. I set a personal record for front squat today.
WYSWYG Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 I'm pretty good in countering the nostalgia - like redirecting my thoughts to the bad times when I start missing her. I also posted the names she called me on my fridge as a reminder. I gets me angry and out of that sadness pit. Yet there are days when I just struggle and her memory just holds me down like an anchor. Today is def one of the worst in a while. Things change, people change, she changed and I'm hoping tomorrow my mood will change for the better. Hang in there fellas......lets ride this one out. I'll find something interesting on youtube tonight....
Author ScaredAlien2 Posted March 27, 2014 Author Posted March 27, 2014 I'm pretty good in countering the nostalgia - like redirecting my thoughts to the bad times when I start missing her. I also posted the names she called me on my fridge as a reminder. I gets me angry and out of that sadness pit. Yet there are days when I just struggle and her memory just holds me down like an anchor. Today is def one of the worst in a while. Things change, people change, she changed and I'm hoping tomorrow my mood will change for the better. Hang in there fellas......lets ride this one out. I'll find something interesting on youtube tonight.... Exactly, an anchor weighing you down. It's up to us to fight to get back to the surface. In the end it's their loss, not ours. On to bigger and better things now!
Author ScaredAlien2 Posted March 27, 2014 Author Posted March 27, 2014 Why do I feel like reaching out to her? She's a self centered b*tch, who obviously doesn't give a ****. I can't help but feel like she isn't contacting me be uses she knows it will only hurt me. I'm trying to follow my heart, I know I shouldn't care and I should be extremely pissed at her, but I still love her tremendously. One and a half weeks on NC is pathetic to feel this way. I just want to say "I hope you are doing well" delete it and forget about it. Why would I love her after all the pain she put me through? Why am I so ****ing forgiving and could see past everything if she told me the truth. I just want her to show me that I did mean something to her, I wasn't just a piece of meat she used. That I'm the best she will ever get and she was just too immature and had too many daddy issue to treat me well. God I love her. Someone talk some sense into me.
WYSWYG Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 Because love is really blind bro. It's something that doesn't end abruptly either or we wouldn't have this forum. It lingers for awhile and that's why everyone here swears to NC. Eventually it fades but I don't think it fades 100%. The memories we shared w/ our exes lives on even if the love dies. I definitely get to indifference after a while and eventually reconnect platonically w/ all my exes. But just the other day, I saw my ex from 3 years ago walking hand in hand w/ a new guy and I suddenly felt a lump in my throat. I was blindsided by my reactions that but that's just how strong emotions are sometimes. I hope she finally found the right guy this time. I really think everyone deserves to be happy....
Author ScaredAlien2 Posted March 28, 2014 Author Posted March 28, 2014 Thanks for your reply. I agreed 100%. It's just so fresh... You'd all be proud- I typed out the message and then deleted it without sending, she doesn't deserve me in her life. Letting go is crazy hard. This is a girl I wanted to marry, but she proved that She didn't want or see me in her life. Hard to handle the intense rejection and amount of lies I was told. If only there was some magic word to end all this pain. I wish I never met her to begin with... But the facade of the good times still find a way into my brain, they were good for me, even if all a lie, and I guess I should be happy to have felt the level of love I'm capable of giving.. Worse off, after reading on here, I believe I was only a rebound .
Author ScaredAlien2 Posted March 28, 2014 Author Posted March 28, 2014 I want to seriously scream at her. Tell her she's a slut, b*tch and a ****ty person who is destined to be alone forever. You can't use people like this, it ****s them up now and their future relationships. I want her to feel the pain I feel. I never want to see her again. Ever. This song is right on- NSFW **** I'm so full of rage... I need to take a run. Venting complete...for now
WYSWYG Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 Definitely go for a run.....it's very therapeautic. Redirect and use the anger well. I say, deep inside, everyone makes a choice for themselves despite what's involve. And I know that they can do a way better job if they really really wanna hurt us. We're all human. Try to stay positive bro. We all suffer here but the pain will subside in time. I miss her/them a lot more today.....
Author ScaredAlien2 Posted March 28, 2014 Author Posted March 28, 2014 Feels good to rant. It's just so damn fresh. It sucks cause I've been through this before twice with different girls. The heartbreak, that is... But no other girl made me feel like she did, I never connected with other on the level we did, and the pain was never so deep and intense. Trying to stay positive.. And trying not to wrap my self worth into this because I know I didn't do anything wrong. I'm proud of how I treated her actually. Damn proud, some girls gonna get lucky one day. 1
Author ScaredAlien2 Posted March 28, 2014 Author Posted March 28, 2014 Btw, Your sig quote is soo true! We are all selfish beings at the end and want what we can't have.
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