hea Posted March 26, 2014 Posted March 26, 2014 ive not been on this site for a while and ive been getting better. But just having a bit of a set back. Gist of my story is My ex split with me six months ago, he said he wasn't attracted to me anymore. Last time we spoke was a month ago, he text me after a night out (AS ALWAYS Grrr!) With a massive apology, which basically went on about him realising its ok to be single. What that has to do with me, I don't know. But on Saturday night he text me at 3am (clearly again after a night out) asking how my holiday was. I didn't reply. I know its the right thing to do. For one he needs to understand he cant text me only when hes drunk, and two I need to cut the connection. I was stupid to think we could be friends. We don't know how to be friends, for one he only texts when drunk, so he clearly doesn't know how to be friends and I will never initiate contact because I don't want to have feelings for him. I think what im scared of is, I would take him back tomorrow if he asked, and I feel like, by not speaking to him it is pushing him away. I have cut contact a LOT up to now and 5 weeks NC is the best ive done. Still going strong! its just doubt in my head I suppose.
3j15 Posted March 26, 2014 Posted March 26, 2014 Last time we spoke was a month ago, he text me after a night out (AS ALWAYS Grrr!) With a massive apology, which basically went on about him realising its ok to be single. OP, your ex said it himself, he's okay being single. Which means you should move on. I've learned that as the dumpee, there is no point sticking around so they can pull you around on a leash. They toss you around on this emotional rollercoaster, and the whole time you are there wondering, killing yourself on the inside thinking if your ex will take you back. IT SUCKS Have some pride and walk away, block his number, and all social media and stay strong to NC. You've made it 5 weeks in the past that's amazing, so you know you can do it again. You said that you are scared of pushing him away, well do you really want to keep someone around that doesn't want you? A fights not worth fighting, when the other person doesn't fight back. best of luck!
FortunateSon Posted March 26, 2014 Posted March 26, 2014 Hea, you sound like you have a done a great job staying NC, keep that up. I have found on my personal experience that NC, along with time, are incredibly valuable tools to help move on. Keep doing what you are doing and the doubts will slowly fade away. As far as your ex contacting you, it sounds very self serving on his part. He is likely lonely, looking for an ego stroke, or trying to somehow justify his decision/relieve guilt. As many others will say, it may be a good idea to block ALL contact from him if it is possible. If he is telling you it is okay being single, believe him!! You have made some great progress, keep it up!!
Author hea Posted March 26, 2014 Author Posted March 26, 2014 i think one of my big problems is that he has previously come back before. (we were together two years and he left then came back a year later, then we split this time) So im finding it hard to believe that he's gone for good. He probably is enjoying being single, I can believe that, as he used to go on about how hes always had a girlfriend, and that everyone tells him he should be single because he hadn't experienced it. Its just the accepting we are over, its just so hard. The only thing that's going to get me over him is meeting someone else, and even that in its self is really hard. He was so adamant that he wanted to stay friends, but id suffer with this. He is selfish and wants his cake and eat it too. Why is it easy to love the wrong ones but so hard to love the right ones.
Noproblem Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 He might return, but that is not what troubling me I am counting the years you are wasting loving someone who will hurt you and leave you again ..... Why not working on yourself ..be more attractive ( in case you are not attractive enough) engage in new activities ..meet new people .. enjoy your life and if happens you met new guys ...start again ..forget about this guy .....
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