thecrucible Posted March 26, 2014 Posted March 26, 2014 There's this guy. We have a lot of the same interests. We connect at least as friends. I enjoy his company and when I see him it's good. We have been on several dates and have lots in common. On one date I kissed him and it didn't feel right. We have not kissed since. I backed off quickly from the kiss and I don't know why, but it didn't feel right. I'm upset about this because I really like his personality but I am unable to feel a spark. When we spend time together, I flirt a little and he gets a bit in my personal space but I never let him get too close. I have met up with him again and I just do not know what to do. We talked pretty deeply for a few hours and I admitted my ambivalence and uncertainty. He told me to think about it. He also got very deep and touched a nerve with me. He understands me very well and I can't undervalue that. Unfortunately though I just do not get the urge to kiss him. I don't know if this is just fear on my part about getting over my lack of my attraction of if I am being shallow or if I am genuinely not attracted at all. I want to keep seeing him but getting closer to him freaks me out. Again, I'm not sure if this is my fear of intimacy or is a sign that I only see him as a friend. What do I do? Should I be honest with him? He told me that he doesn't mind if we are just friends. So maybe I should say that and see if something develops and I change my mind naturally. There is no way I want to keep him around as a backup as that would be ****ing with his heart.
OhThatGirl Posted March 26, 2014 Posted March 26, 2014 Hmmm. I have only terrible advice for you. Since you've got a lot in common and connect well, I'd give it a shot. How I'd do that? I'd try kissing him again. Since he knows you're unsure about the romantic chemistry and seems to be supportive just explain you'd like to give it a try and go for it. Full on. If you try again and there still isn't any chemistry, you've got your answer.
LilGirlandOW Posted March 26, 2014 Posted March 26, 2014 There is nothing wrong with being just friends if you don't feel it, then you don't feel it. Why ruin a potentially great friendship? Unless you feel the desire to kiss him absolutely don't, keep him in the friend zone and know that you have that. Make that clear to him, and who knows maybe down the road as people do change you two could have romantic feelings that are mutual Best of luck
Author thecrucible Posted March 26, 2014 Author Posted March 26, 2014 There is nothing wrong with being just friends if you don't feel it, then you don't feel it. Why ruin a potentially great friendship? Unless you feel the desire to kiss him absolutely don't, keep him in the friend zone and know that you have that. Make that clear to him, and who knows maybe down the road as people do change you two could have romantic feelings that are mutual Best of luck Thanks. Yeah that's what I'm thinking...that's what my gut is telling me, although I know I'd be missing out on someone who'd treat me well so it's kind of annoying. At the same time, I think maybe if I suggested friendship then it might grow into something naturally even if I'm not feeling it now...while if I go into it as is, I might ruin any potential anything..so yeah I might try what the above poster suggested although that freaks me out a little. He knows that I'm ambivalent as I've been honest with him from the start. He said he's prepared to wait for me/grind me down/take longer to see it works etc. While part of me freaks out because I don't want to get in too deep when I'm unsure of things. He has hit a nerve partly because I know he'd be good for me but I'm still resisting. It's horrible. Maybe I should wait and see if I feel anything. I've been good to myself and him. I haven't done anything fake. I've only done things that feel right to me at the time.
ja123 Posted March 26, 2014 Posted March 26, 2014 When you kissed him, did he kiss you back? Has he initiated physical contact? The spark has to work both ways, ya know. It sounds like there's too much analytical thinking on both sides. That's a spark-killer right there.
Author thecrucible Posted March 26, 2014 Author Posted March 26, 2014 When you kissed him, did he kiss you back? Has he initiated physical contact? The spark has to work both ways, ya know. It sounds like there's too much analytical thinking on both sides. That's a spark-killer right there. Well he kissed me. I didn't really kiss him back that much and it didn't feel quite right. And yes he has initiated physical contact.
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