Dan250391 Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 LONG story short; we were best friends since we were 13. Same town, same school, talked everyday all the time and there was always something their but it was never right. We lost contact when I went away to University and when I came back for the first summer, I sent a drunk text and we started dating. Everything was amazing straight away, it was easy and as if we hadn't been out of contact for one year. She told me she loved me 3 days in and always had and always knew we'd be together. Everything seemed to be forever, she was so in love with me and I was so happy it finally all clicked. We had to be long distance for one year but we saw eachother pretty much every week. We had always talked of marriage and kids from weeks into the relationship and in such detail. She moved up to a Uni near me and we lived together. After I graduated (a year and a half of living together) we really seemed to neglect each other. Looking back I just seemed really depressed and lost, I was in a monotonous job five days a week and stuck because I couldn't begin a post-grad career because she still had a year left of Uni and then we planned to move back home. I would spend all my spare time playing video games and going gym and she would spend all day in the bedroom watching videos. It was like a lock down, we still loved eachother and talked occasionally but we were both neglecting eachother. Eventually we broke up over a stupid argument but we still had to live together for four months due to our tenancy. But it was like we were still together; we still fooled around, she still kissed me before she left and cuddled me at night; told me she loved me and still talked about marriage and kids. It was hell; she started seeming someone straight away (though she's never been not with someone as long as I've known her) and when I found out I let it be, then I almost started seeing someone, then we almost got back together, then she found out about the other girl and started seeing someone else. So I decided to give up and move back home. The most emotional exit ever, crying into my arms how she loved me and didn't want me to go. At first we kept contact but she was so hot and cold. She would cry and was misrable (she is bi-polar). But after a while of telling me she loved me and missed me at one point, then blowing into an argument, then asking me to come stay with her. I called off the talking and told her that it was killing me and that it wasn't my fault that I had to leave. At first she tried to message me every month bringing up love letters she still has and memories. But I ignored her. I was at acceptance (at least I thought), I moved on became single. As far as my life goes it's going well, career and socially and I'm making a lot of progression in a sport I kind of gave up during Uni. I started seeing a girl casually from work but the whole time I'll be honest I wasn't really interested for more than the fact that she was interested in me. After sleeping with her I realised I wasn't really interested in being with anyone because it didn't make me feel anything. I still find myself attracted to girls all the time and think about perusing but when it comes to it, I'm not really that bothered and can't really be bother with the hassle. Until Xmas I stayed out of contact, I text her a general message with a little joke. She replied saying she didn't have this number saved and asked who it was. Cleared it up and we talked like nothing changed until she told me she missed me and I stopped talking to her. Later that night she thanked me and said it was nice talking to me. Next day she told me she was going out and asked me to come, I ignored it. Time passed until her birthday a month later and I was going to text her again when I found out that she now has an "official" boyfriend. I won't lie I was shocked and little disheartened, but for me it pushed me to really begin forgetting. Until a few days later she messaged me saying how we used to be such great friends before and it's a shame we lost that, and that she knows I won't read it but if I wanted to meet up for a drink or something to let her know. I left it a day to think and replied saying that she should let me know when she's free and maybe we can do something. She didn't reply. Now today on my birthday, just after midnight she sent me a general birthday message and I left it until the afternoon and replied back saying how after all these years she's still always the first one. She replied saying of course and I left it. She messaged me a few hours later sending me pics of an old school journey from years ago and telling me where to find more photos, then we talked about it briefly and then onto my plans for my birthday and then she told me "Well I hope you have a good birthday anyway :)" and that was it. I can't lie I've been thinking about her quite a bit since Christmas and how she is coming home this summer. But then at the same time I'm still filled with the same anger towards her for leaving me rather than trying to work it out. I still care but I am really confused, and I'm even more confused with what she wants. I did a little snooping around the time I found out she has a boyfriend, and they got together just before Christmas, but she's still been trying to see me and be in contact. Surely if she is happy enough to be with someone officially then I should be old news and based on the way we were after we broke up I can''t see how we could be just friends.
Omei Posted March 26, 2014 Posted March 26, 2014 You cant he friends, clearly you still have strong feelings for her you're also still in contact when she's done and moved on diispite anything nice she says to you.. What you are doing is extremely unhealthy and if a good girl that's right for you came by you wouldn't be able to jump on that train yet. You're wasting lots of time, only young once.
Author Dan250391 Posted March 26, 2014 Author Posted March 26, 2014 I see what you're saying; I think I'd find it easier to accept if it really felt like she'd moved on too. But if she has moved on and has a new boyfriend then why does she try and keep in contact with me.
Simon Phoenix Posted March 26, 2014 Posted March 26, 2014 I see what you're saying; I think I'd find it easier to accept if it really felt like she'd moved on too. But if she has moved on and has a new boyfriend then why does she try and keep in contact with me. Because she can. Because she doesn't have feelings anymore. Because she wants to make sure that you aren't a sad bastard so she can relieve guilt. Because she feels like it and doesn't have any underlying motives. Who knows, but obsessing about it doesn't do you a lick of good.
SCJACK Posted March 26, 2014 Posted March 26, 2014 Because she can. Because she doesn't have feelings anymore. Because she wants to make sure that you aren't a sad bastard so she can relieve guilt. Because she feels like it and doesn't have any underlying motives. Who knows, but obsessing about it doesn't do you a lick of good. If you're not sad about it her guilt is relieved. If you are then you appear "weak"... you get screwed either way..
realfriends Posted March 26, 2014 Posted March 26, 2014 Oh boy. She's got you in a limbo. You're not going to be able to heal until you go NC for a while. You need to get over her. Easier said than done but first step is you need to go strict NC now.
Heroeric Posted March 26, 2014 Posted March 26, 2014 I've been in similar shoes before, yeah it's obvious you still love her strongly and like wise, but it's exactly that that you two can't be just friends, because when you truly loved someone you can't just be friends. It's never easy to move on from something like this, honestly I think she feels alot the way you do, but she knows better. My ex and I had a very similar story, if their was to be any hope, it would be way later in the future when you two are more experienced, so just live your life now the best way you can.
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