Gaeta Posted April 8, 2014 Posted April 8, 2014 I think you were pretty spot on GemmaUK..we ended up talking about it a few days later because he sort of sensed my anxiety. Basically, he said he is "just not in a place in his career yet where he feels ready for something serious", but he definitely thinks that we have potential together -- all his friends know who I am, his whole family (extended included) know about me, and his colleagues at work know who I am as well. He said he doesn't know what will happen with his job in the next day, week, month - he could be ready at any time if something good happened that gave him more confidence in the dirction his career path was heading. He said the reason he does not want to commit yet is because he "wouldn't be able to be a good boyfriend to me" right now considering he works 12 hour days and can't see me or talk to me nearly as much as he would like to. I told him that I appreciated the honesty and I like that he is driven, but I do not want to be waiting around 6 months from now. He said he agreed and he will "do everything he can to get to where he wants to be faster" and that he promises he will make progress with working towards a serious commitment. Does this sound like BS, or is this legitimate, do you think? He did not say anything different than the first time around. So what's the difference between now and being officially bf/gf?
snowflakes88 Posted April 8, 2014 Posted April 8, 2014 I think you were pretty spot on GemmaUK..we ended up talking about it a few days later because he sort of sensed my anxiety. Basically, he said he is "just not in a place in his career yet where he feels ready for something serious", but he definitely thinks that we have potential together -- all his friends know who I am, his whole family (extended included) know about me, and his colleagues at work know who I am as well. He said he doesn't know what will happen with his job in the next day, week, month - he could be ready at any time if something good happened that gave him more confidence in the dirction his career path was heading. He said the reason he does not want to commit yet is because he "wouldn't be able to be a good boyfriend to me" right now considering he works 12 hour days and can't see me or talk to me nearly as much as he would like to. I told him that I appreciated the honesty and I like that he is driven, but I do not want to be waiting around 6 months from now. He said he agreed and he will "do everything he can to get to where he wants to be faster" and that he promises he will make progress with working towards a serious commitment. Does this sound like BS, or is this legitimate, do you think? Complete BS. 2
acrosstheuniverse Posted April 8, 2014 Posted April 8, 2014 He said the reason he does not want to commit yet is because he "wouldn't be able to be a good boyfriend to me" right now considering he works 12 hour days and can't see me or talk to me nearly as much as he would like to. Believe him. He has told you already he wouldn't be a good boyfriend to you. It's probably nothing to do with the length of days he works (please, I work 14 hour days most days of the week and eight hours every single other day of the week and I'm an awesome girlfriend) but everything to do with the fact that he just isn't all that into you. Don't try and twist this into anything positive. He has already told you he would let you down as a boyfriend. 1
veggirl Posted April 8, 2014 Posted April 8, 2014 BS for sure. Ask him exactly what would change in your relationship if the title was added. If you are FINE w/ the status quo (ie: how often you see him, talk to him) then why doesn't he just friggin call you his gf? He is giving you the run around. Can he tell you precisely what it is he needs to achieve to get to the point he has time or whatever to call you his gf?
catherine1 Posted April 9, 2014 Posted April 9, 2014 I'd say drop the issue now and continue to have fun, otherwise from experience, he will get uncomfortable around you and will slowly lose interest.
bluegreen Posted April 9, 2014 Posted April 9, 2014 Organically I could have sworn that only things designed to be called that are fruits and vegetables right ? And you bought into this why don't you actually do the right thing by you: And tell him only things you are organically interested are those I mentioned above. As for him kindly suggest that he sells that "lemon" to some else and put a close on this whole issue ... 1
Versacehottie Posted April 9, 2014 Posted April 9, 2014 I'd say drop the issue now and continue to have fun, otherwise from experience, he will get uncomfortable around you and will slowly lose interest. I do agree with parts of this. Have fun. Don't get caught up in labels. If he isn't giving you what you are giving him, Pull back. Stay aware. Don't get over-invested. Evaluate him based on what guy he is & what he does for you today NOT what you hope he will be. I think too many people who have responded are taking an all-or-nothing approach. If someone doesn't agree to be exclusive with you because they are not ready, but that is essentially the only issue--Well make sure he knows you are open to continuing to date him BUT will also be dating others. Acting as a guy would usually turns them around really quickly. Whether he has pure intentions or not-so-pure intentions, most guys benefit from the fact that women won't "act" on the non-exclusive part. I don't know but from the way you have worded your particular story, I think your guy is sincere and just doesn't want to get sidetracked by making a relationship commitment or promise that he doesn't feel is worthy of who he wants to be or how he sees himself treating a girlfriend. He sounds like a serious guy in some ways. I think you just need to listen to what he has expressed and see if it fits into your life. I think it will for at least a time. You'll know when you have reached your limit--when you feel disrespected or that relationship is one-sided or that he is making little effort to move in right direction. From your OP, I didn't see that you felt that way at all now, so why not enjoy it. And cover yourself by "hearing" what he has said and exploring your options at the same time that you see him. Truly, good luck! 1
mikefromtheblock Posted April 9, 2014 Posted April 9, 2014 That sounds like my 'relationship' back in the day. I liked the girl in the beginning very much, although I would have to travel 2 hours to meet her and would only meet once a week on a weekend. I am not too sure what happened, I just lost passion for her. Even though I met her parents and some of her friends and all was looking good. I did not feel anymore I was attracted to her which is bizarre. But that happens, at least for me. So in your case, I would let it go.
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