Mla Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 It's been nearly 4 months he moved on straight away with new girlfriend I know we wasn't workin cause of jus lied out communication issues n I had trust issues but when we were good was perfect had never experienced before wa I had with him n scared I won't get it again, he made me feel we had somethin special yet he moved on so quick and portraying he in live again made me feel was it really what he made out with me He contacted me which I posted about on here and if helped me for a week thinking see he won't change and we couldn't work but I'm back to sad again and hate myself as iv cried everyday yet I know it hasn't been case for him as he found replacement straight away! I still can't comprehend or want anyone else and I'm so unhappy and sad alone and envy he has gets we had and feel I got nothin!!! I'm worried how long il be in this place when I knuw he's not worth if yet I still have him on pedestal n jus struggling to be happy alone I'm so sad and lonely and still miss him so much feel lost :,(
Ruslana Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 I know it might still hurt now but believe me it doesn't hurt forever. A similar thing happened to me and I think it was the feeling of being replaced that hurt more than anything and damage to my self confidence was massive. 4 months isn't a long time, its taken me 9 months to get to where I am now and I can say I am genuinely happier without him, you won't miss him forever. Don't put your happieness in someone elses hands .x 1
Author Mla Posted March 23, 2014 Author Posted March 23, 2014 Thanks for the reply my confidence has been shattered too and I know I'm makin mistake of placin happiness in others hands and hope I learn to be happy on my own soon! I'm such a negative thinker which really doesn't help but I logically realise we could never have worked but unfortunately emotionally I am still raw and attached and hurting and hate myself for it knowing he not in that place! Wish I could get on with life as easily as he has
Author Mla Posted March 25, 2014 Author Posted March 25, 2014 He moved on straight away tht should have been enough it wasn't! I seen them together the reality of moving on, that didn't! He contacted me and I as ok for few days but it was false illusion was jus comfort of him contactin me and me thinkin he not doin right by her like I thought an will never change but now after 4 months it setting ridiculous still cryin and depressed everyday will life goin on around me and still struggling to accept and not be consumed by thoughts I keep postin on here for advice a I jus dunno wa to so anymore thoughts of them torture me and I'm so unhappy on my own I jus dunno how to get through this and I'm at a four month mark! I get even more upset thinkin he not in same place anymore and jus moved on and I simply can't nobody else I feel will do wa I shared was new to me but hurts lore to think he bein like tht with her an Ade me think wa we had was special so now I think was it all just a lie?!!! :,(
Toddbt12y1 Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 It actually gets a bit worse as time passes. But, eventually it does get better. You are now going through the worst of it. You need to be a tough woman. You need to not sit idle by, and expect yourself to get well. You need to be more proactive in your recovery. That means: •No looking him up, and no contact with him. Blocking him. You will not feel better (for long, as you just found out) from what little contact he gives you. Tell me, why are you so stuck on him? I know you love him, clearly, but you should know that you needn't waste the efforts on him. Do you feel as though you are unable to get someone else (in time)? Perhaps feel love again? This, he, she, nothing of or about him is going to be good for you. You need to work on yourself. Think of yourself. Be all about you, not him. You will hurt, yes, you will. It will suck. But you need to take steps, even small ones. Do for yourself. You can get so much done now without him around. Eventually it can lead to you finding someone (hopefully) better. You were beautiful enough to get him, you are beautiful enough and worthy enough to get someone else.
Author Mla Posted March 25, 2014 Author Posted March 25, 2014 I did the Nc straight away! Hasn't helped at all I did block him too! I looked at her profile when I found out and felt like **** compared to her then blocked her straight away! I never expected to hear off him again and he shouldn't have been able to as his email was blocked ! I get attached and I know I need to focus on me but it's hard as I'm unhappy alone and so negative in general I suffer with depression too To me he was perfect in every way connected on all levels I never had before and can't comprehend anyone else as I feel such a loss and scared il never get wa I had with him again tbh I'm startin to think he is in love with the concept of bein in love do for him a replacement is easy fills gap life goes on! For me my attachments there I struggle to let go it's not the idea of another relationship I wan it's struggling to accept the circumstances and let go :,( It's strange as logically I know we could never work cause of our issues and lack of trust and fact he moved on now but it's not changin anything emotionally for me, I know I need therapy as I feel complete and happy when with someone and so lost and lonely single and struggle to find happiness alone I usually ruin relationships with my insecurities then :/ All I know is iv noticed a pattern and hate myself it's not changin and struggling to switch off as thinkin of him n her hurts like hell but keeps happening regardless I'm wastin my time like this but nothing is motivating me to get to next stage n move on part if me hurts to think of movin on jus constantly livin in past thinking of good and missing him so much despite everything it takes me soooo long I know he is not worth it after how he's been n movin on and again tht jus upsets n hurts more that I'm stuck in this place
Toddbt12y1 Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 I truly am sorry that you are suffering as you are. Believe me, I understand. Are you on any antidepressants? Indeed, I think a therapist is a great idea. A therapist can teach you and give you goal oriented tools to help guide you into a path of healing. As long as you are willing. Maybe even get to the root of why you are so unhappy being alone. Do you have friends and family? If so, you are not alone in the general sense, and I am sure that they love you dearly. In order to find tranquility with yourself and future relationships you will need help. You are not battling that girl or your ex lover: Yourself. You battle against you, and you cannot win by yourself, as you are. You need to overcome YOU. To find happiness in yourself. To see yourself as a capable, beautiful person (all of you). That only you can make you happy in the end. Take a step...even a small one. You will get there...If so. I am sorry. I do wish you the best. It pains me reading how much hurt you have.
Author Mla Posted March 25, 2014 Author Posted March 25, 2014 I uSed to be on them and came of them as put so much weight on! I so have fronds and family around but I turn to my relationship as be all and end all for fulfillment etc iv isolated myself since brak up as I repeat myself and friend and family dunno wa to do or say and I'm embarrassed at how long my process is as few of my froends were going through same situation at same time! Thy all doin great now! Then there's me! Iv tried therapy in past didn't work and now I'm ready to try again through nhs as can't afored private thy are useless can't have weekly sessions and still waiting months on after referral It took to meet my ex to get over the last :/ I don't want to go on like this but I dunno how to change these awful patterns I didn't have a stable or secure upbringing and I know that's what has contributed to my depression and attachment issues with relationships just wish I could be positive happy with what I got and in my own I make life a lot harder for myself and feel selfish as I know there people much worse off than me yet they are much more happier in life in general and themselves I bet it's ironic My confidence and self esteem totally gone too iv tried gym to help but my ex trains too and keep comparing thinkin he will see progress and be In shape and got problem with my stomach bloating everyday with no cure so tht gets me down and iv lost a lot of weight from break up too so I'm jus never happy at the min I appreciate ur listening and advice tho means alot
Toddbt12y1 Posted March 26, 2014 Posted March 26, 2014 I would not worry about how he sees you. He will always see you as one way, and frankly, his way of seeing you (in shape, not, happy or sad), doesn't matter. It is how you see yourself. How are you, on setting goals for yourself? Set a goal in which you feel like you are at the right weight; where you feel beautiful and comfortable in your own skin, at your level. The point of getting in shape is not for someone else's view of you (many do this though), but your own. Frankly, a lil belly never hurt. Set a goal. Attain that goal. Start with something simple. Do not go to the same gym as he goes too. Selfish? No, hardly. It is true that there are other people suffering much worse, than any of us. Still, it does not discount what your own (emotional) pain: something all are equal. You do not need him. You can get everything without him there. You lived before him, albeit, not so happy an upbringing. I am sorry your upbringing wasn't good. You shouldn't let that define you. You are not defined by other people or what they do to you...but what you do and can do for yourself. Be strong. Come up with goals. What, tell me, is a goal you'd like to reach? Make it a simple one first.
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