GemmaUK Posted April 1, 2014 Posted April 1, 2014 No, no, no!! I'm not telling him to ask HER that!! lol! I was asking the threadstarter what HIS thoughts were on regarding sex. Because if he likes to take a relationship slow and wait for sex then that's ok. Or wait til marriage then ok. I was seeing if there's a particular time or amount of dates that he usually follows before sleeping with a girl. Because if he wants to gain some progress maybe he could start trying to take it to the next level... But only if he's comfortable. Phew! I get ya!
Author drg2365 Posted April 1, 2014 Author Posted April 1, 2014 (edited) Yeah the her picking up and talking for 20 min is definitely a good sign. Well, I say that there's no definite speed at which a relationship/dating should progress at, but just make sure that there IS progress. Don't get stagnant or you'll tiptoe into the friendzone. I want to ask you for your thoughts on sex and dating. LOL I would NOT have asked her that. Me idk? I guess pretty normal, I don't think there is anything wrong with a one night stand, not really my thing. I just think after a few dates you should know something, sex shouldn't really be impossible to come by and its fine for someone to wait. I'm not very good at dating, kind of because I don't have a good track record which is both on me and horrific luck in the past that has made it hard for me to figure out sometimes. Like this girl. OK, drg, look at the positive bits here. Also, you can take confidence from the positives. We all take confidence from positives in our lives - being good at your job, someone picking upthe call when you think they might not be interested... The positives: She appears to be being more consistent. You aren't getting pushed away affection wise (or at least you haven't mentioned it here) That call you had was fun and a good one from the sound of it. It was only 20 mins long so it leaves things to talk about and catch up on when you see each other next. I think that she wants to be persued by you. II also think that the next date you need to just kiss her, properly kiss her (no groping) I mean. You need to warm up to it and be more tactile (again, not groping) as the date goes on. Each time she doesn't avoid you and accepts the touches and kisses take confidence from it that you're OK to try just a little bit more. She may well just be like a lot of us and just not inclined to jump in teh sack but would rather get to know a man...but you have to start consistently upping the physical step by step. She is being more consistent with you..you need to be more consistent with your actions. I agree, those are positives, the phone call was well timed and it was enjoyable. I'm not totally sure about consistency though, but it could be a lot worse. Being in the dark about seeing someone again is just kind of frustrating to me, even though its not wrong to not know. It is hard having to time it right and/or having something misinterpreted. I'm going to try to invite her over to my place, ask maybe tomorrow (for the weekend) and I have no idea how she'll react. And sex isn't even required, but she may think it is. Maybe not ask her to my place? Even though I am completely out of ideas for casual dates lol. Edited April 1, 2014 by drg2365
lil_missy Posted April 2, 2014 Posted April 2, 2014 OP i really feel for your situation so im going to give you some advice here. since you are 23 i think this will apply to the age group of girls your dating. I havnt read all of the post replies but some of the themes here are spot on, you need to change your attitude, you are currently negative, angry, desperate and TOO NICE. Here is my opinion on "nice guys". Im a girl and this is my personal perspective. Ideally i absolutely want a nice guy. but in reality im simply NEVER attracted to nice guys and basically only jerks. It's an innate thing and despite my better judgement i cant help. I know many ppl are not going to agree with me and say this is a low self-esteem issue, and it possibly has to do with it but im just telling it as it is. There is a guy that seems only interested in me for sex, but im HOOKED on him and no matter what he says to me, its hard to turn me off. although he never crosses the line to being disrespectful to me. he makes himself scarce to me but is very sexual towards me when he sees me which makes me feel extremely wanted. a girl needs to feel wanted and desired. also this guy has no job and looks terrible on paper, isnt the best looking out there and never takes me out. all we do is hook up at his or my place. This guy is basically YOUR FRIENDS that you have described. There is another guy that is absolutely perfect on paper, he is super considerate and accommodating to me, takes me out on romantic dates, pays for everything, nice to my friends and parents, good job, good looks etc all the wonderful things you can think of. but he is awkward sexually. he does not know how to turn me on and does not try to get me in bed when we are together. and as much as i want this guy to be the one for me as he is perfect in every other way, i just simply cannot feel that physical attraction to him. he is basically "TOO NICE" So in summary my advice is 1) you need to sleep with a girl ASAP, then she will feel attached to you. 2) you cant be too nice to a girl right off the bat, you have to make her earn your affection. another poster made this point too. for example if the hookup guy starts been nice to me now I would feel that i have finally won him over and on the flip side I wouldn't value something as much if i didnt have to work hard for it. Of course not all girls will feel the same way as I do, many girls like "nice guys" or so I've heard. Why dont you try been a "jerk" for a while and see how that works for you, you dont have to be one for the rest of your life. see it as an experiment. Also, absolutely agree with others that you texts are too nice and buddy buddy. If a guy im getting to know texts me like that i will lose interest fast. 2
Author drg2365 Posted April 2, 2014 Author Posted April 2, 2014 OP i really feel for your situation so im going to give you some advice here. since you are 23 i think this will apply to the age group of girls your dating. I havnt read all of the post replies but some of the themes here are spot on, you need to change your attitude, you are currently negative, angry, desperate and TOO NICE. Here is my opinion on "nice guys". Im a girl and this is my personal perspective. Ideally i absolutely want a nice guy. but in reality im simply NEVER attracted to nice guys and basically only jerks. It's an innate thing and despite my better judgement i cant help. I know many ppl are not going to agree with me and say this is a low self-esteem issue, and it possibly has to do with it but im just telling it as it is. There is a guy that seems only interested in me for sex, but im HOOKED on him and no matter what he says to me, its hard to turn me off. although he never crosses the line to being disrespectful to me. he makes himself scarce to me but is very sexual towards me when he sees me which makes me feel extremely wanted. a girl needs to feel wanted and desired. also this guy has no job and looks terrible on paper, isnt the best looking out there and never takes me out. all we do is hook up at his or my place. This guy is basically YOUR FRIENDS that you have described. There is another guy that is absolutely perfect on paper, he is super considerate and accommodating to me, takes me out on romantic dates, pays for everything, nice to my friends and parents, good job, good looks etc all the wonderful things you can think of. but he is awkward sexually. he does not know how to turn me on and does not try to get me in bed when we are together. and as much as i want this guy to be the one for me as he is perfect in every other way, i just simply cannot feel that physical attraction to him. he is basically "TOO NICE" So in summary my advice is 1) you need to sleep with a girl ASAP, then she will feel attached to you. 2) you cant be too nice to a girl right off the bat, you have to make her earn your affection. another poster made this point too. for example if the hookup guy starts been nice to me now I would feel that i have finally won him over and on the flip side I wouldn't value something as much if i didnt have to work hard for it. Of course not all girls will feel the same way as I do, many girls like "nice guys" or so I've heard. Why dont you try been a "jerk" for a while and see how that works for you, you dont have to be one for the rest of your life. see it as an experiment. Also, absolutely agree with others that you texts are too nice and buddy buddy. If a guy im getting to know texts me like that i will lose interest fast. That's incredibly depressing but I guess the truth. It just kinda sucks when you have to be a d*ck, when its hard to meet women as it is, its incredibly inefficient. You probably just described this situation where I put in the effort for dates, my fault I wasn't sexual enough (even though I tried, I kissed her/touched her, this isn't the flop sweat), and she is probably just laughing to her friends because she got to go to some cool places. But like you said, will kill me with kindness so I come back for more, which is borderline incredibly manipulative, but since I've never really been in a situation where people take 'me' out, can't really say one thing or another. (Like saying if you were rich you would be charitable but in actuality probably buy 80 gold chains and go ignant) Its stuff like this that makes me realize how bad I am at this stuff. Even though 'practice' is hard to come by for me. Sh*t my only gf ever cheated on me after not even awhile 3? months, than watched semi-painfully in college as girls left and right hooked up with the frat guys (and when they would cry for various reasons afterwards). I wanted to be like them (not like them, they were all out of shape and had awful grades, I was quite the opposite in those categories), just wasn't, it got lonely after awhile and when you 'practice' its pretty clear you aren't good at this. I'll see where this goes with her (probably hanging by a life-line - if I ever see her again) but just give up for awhile. Its not even fun
lil_missy Posted April 2, 2014 Posted April 2, 2014 aww OP please dont feel depressed, my post was meant to help you understand what you can do better. Please pick yourself up and be happy with the other things in life. and when you are happy other people will be attracted to you. nobody likes a debbie downer. and it sounds like your most recent date with the girl went fine so dont give up! or if you want taking a break from dating might make you feel better too. but when you start dating again, are you gonna try my suggestion of being a bit more of a "jerk" ? It just means stop caring so much. relax a bit. care about yourself abit more. put yourself above others more. you should make a girl feel that she is lucky to be with you rather than the other way around.
Author drg2365 Posted April 2, 2014 Author Posted April 2, 2014 (edited) aww OP please dont feel depressed, my post was meant to help you understand what you can do better. Please pick yourself up and be happy with the other things in life. and when you are happy other people will be attracted to you. nobody likes a debbie downer. and it sounds like your most recent date with the girl went fine so dont give up! or if you want taking a break from dating might make you feel better too. but when you start dating again, are you gonna try my suggestion of being a bit more of a "jerk" ? It just means stop caring so much. relax a bit. care about yourself abit more. put yourself above others more. you should make a girl feel that she is lucky to be with you rather than the other way around. I mean the post was fine and informative. Its my current situation that's depressing. Before I sound adversarial, which I do not want to be whatsoever. You said it sounded like 'the date went fine'? You just described a similar situation you were in (I am assuming, I could be wrong) and you really didn't give two craps about the guy but let him take you out and stuff. I have 0 clue of the true dynamics of your story, but Well my situation smells a lot like that. I mean, I enjoy the time out (generally) I have had but when being physical and such (human wants) comes down almost solely to how I play it, its not fun, especially when you are behind the curve so-to-speak because you didn't get laid a million times in college. This is wayyy off topic from the original discussion kind-of, but you posted fairly so I'll respond. It just sucks when you are a actual human, but well, better wait 5-10 years then most women who have played the field may like you... That sounds over the top depressing, not attempting to be. I'm actually a person too. Being rejected because you can't even initiate sex correctly is so horrible and emasculating. That's why after this runs its course (if anything else comes of this is going to be a true shocker) I'm just going to stick to work (very hard and stressful) and the gym, maybe a bar or two on the weekends. Better use of time and money. Dating is so horrible when you have no results at all, but really do try to take care of yourself intellectually, professionally, and physically; but well 'you suck at the game....' Edited April 2, 2014 by drg2365
topaMAXX Posted April 2, 2014 Posted April 2, 2014 OP i really feel for your situation so im going to give you some advice here. since you are 23 i think this will apply to the age group of girls your dating. I havnt read all of the post replies but some of the themes here are spot on, you need to change your attitude, you are currently negative, angry, desperate and TOO NICE. Here is my opinion on "nice guys". Im a girl and this is my personal perspective. Ideally i absolutely want a nice guy. but in reality im simply NEVER attracted to nice guys and basically only jerks. It's an innate thing and despite my better judgement i cant help. I know many ppl are not going to agree with me and say this is a low self-esteem issue, and it possibly has to do with it but im just telling it as it is. There is a guy that seems only interested in me for sex, but im HOOKED on him and no matter what he says to me, its hard to turn me off. although he never crosses the line to being disrespectful to me. he makes himself scarce to me but is very sexual towards me when he sees me which makes me feel extremely wanted. a girl needs to feel wanted and desired. also this guy has no job and looks terrible on paper, isnt the best looking out there and never takes me out. all we do is hook up at his or my place. This guy is basically YOUR FRIENDS that you have described. There is another guy that is absolutely perfect on paper, he is super considerate and accommodating to me, takes me out on romantic dates, pays for everything, nice to my friends and parents, good job, good looks etc all the wonderful things you can think of. but he is awkward sexually. he does not know how to turn me on and does not try to get me in bed when we are together. and as much as i want this guy to be the one for me as he is perfect in every other way, i just simply cannot feel that physical attraction to him. he is basically "TOO NICE" So in summary my advice is 1) you need to sleep with a girl ASAP, then she will feel attached to you. 2) you cant be too nice to a girl right off the bat, you have to make her earn your affection. another poster made this point too. for example if the hookup guy starts been nice to me now I would feel that i have finally won him over and on the flip side I wouldn't value something as much if i didnt have to work hard for it. Of course not all girls will feel the same way as I do, many girls like "nice guys" or so I've heard. Why dont you try been a "jerk" for a while and see how that works for you, you dont have to be one for the rest of your life. see it as an experiment. Also, absolutely agree with others that you texts are too nice and buddy buddy. If a guy im getting to know texts me like that i will lose interest fast. OP, don't stress over a post like this. You don't want this kind of girl anyway. I'm more or less a reformed bad boy and I've dated many women like this poster. Bad news. Take her advice with a grain of salt. I mean the post was fine and informative. Its my current situation that's depressing. Before I sound adversarial, which I do not want to be whatsoever. You said it sounded like 'the date went fine'? You just described a similar situation you were in (I am assuming, I could be wrong) and you really didn't give two craps about the guy but let him take you out and stuff. I have 0 clue of the true dynamics of your story, but Well my situation smells a lot like that. I mean, I enjoy the time out (generally) I have had but when being physical and such (human wants) comes down almost solely to how I play it, its not fun, especially when you are behind the curve so-to-speak because you didn't get laid a million times in college. This is wayyy off topic from the original discussion kind-of, but you posted fairly so I'll respond. It just sucks when you are a actual human, but well, better wait 5-10 years then most women who have played the field may like you... That sounds over the top depressing, not attempting to be. I'm actually a person too. Being rejected because you can't even initiate sex correctly is so horrible and emasculating. That's why after this runs its course (if anything else comes of this is going to be a true shocker) I'm just going to stick to work (very hard and stressful) and the gym, maybe a bar or two on the weekends. Better use of time and money. Dating is so horrible when you have no results at all, but really do try to take care of yourself intellectually, professionally, and physically; but well 'you suck at the game....' OP, calm down. Again, stop being so reactive to that awful advice. It sounds like you were doing fine with that girl (and it sounds like things are still going in the right direction). Next time you see her, talk to her for a bit. Wait until she's laughing. She'll give you a long look of interest (her pupils will dilate). Then just go in for the kiss. You just need to gain confidence and start going for it more. Sounds like you're doing everything else just fine. 1
GemmaUK Posted April 2, 2014 Posted April 2, 2014 OP, don't stress over a post like this. You don't want this kind of girl anyway. I'm more or less a reformed bad boy and I've dated many women like this poster. Bad news. Take her advice with a grain of salt. OP, calm down. Again, stop being so reactive to that awful advice. It sounds like you were doing fine with that girl (and it sounds like things are still going in the right direction). Next time you see her, talk to her for a bit. Wait until she's laughing. She'll give you a long look of interest (her pupils will dilate). Then just go in for the kiss. You just need to gain confidence and start going for it more. Sounds like you're doing everything else just fine. I 100% agree!
Canucklehead Posted April 2, 2014 Posted April 2, 2014 OP i really feel for your situation so im going to give you some advice here. since you are 23 i think this will apply to the age group of girls your dating. I havnt read all of the post replies but some of the themes here are spot on, you need to change your attitude, you are currently negative, angry, desperate and TOO NICE. Here is my opinion on "nice guys". Im a girl and this is my personal perspective. Ideally i absolutely want a nice guy. but in reality im simply NEVER attracted to nice guys and basically only jerks. It's an innate thing and despite my better judgement i cant help. I know many ppl are not going to agree with me and say this is a low self-esteem issue, and it possibly has to do with it but im just telling it as it is. There is a guy that seems only interested in me for sex, but im HOOKED on him and no matter what he says to me, its hard to turn me off. although he never crosses the line to being disrespectful to me. he makes himself scarce to me but is very sexual towards me when he sees me which makes me feel extremely wanted. a girl needs to feel wanted and desired. also this guy has no job and looks terrible on paper, isnt the best looking out there and never takes me out. all we do is hook up at his or my place. This guy is basically YOUR FRIENDS that you have described. There is another guy that is absolutely perfect on paper, he is super considerate and accommodating to me, takes me out on romantic dates, pays for everything, nice to my friends and parents, good job, good looks etc all the wonderful things you can think of. but he is awkward sexually. he does not know how to turn me on and does not try to get me in bed when we are together. and as much as i want this guy to be the one for me as he is perfect in every other way, i just simply cannot feel that physical attraction to him. he is basically "TOO NICE" So in summary my advice is 1) you need to sleep with a girl ASAP, then she will feel attached to you. 2) you cant be too nice to a girl right off the bat, you have to make her earn your affection. another poster made this point too. for example if the hookup guy starts been nice to me now I would feel that i have finally won him over and on the flip side I wouldn't value something as much if i didnt have to work hard for it. Of course not all girls will feel the same way as I do, many girls like "nice guys" or so I've heard. Why dont you try been a "jerk" for a while and see how that works for you, you dont have to be one for the rest of your life. see it as an experiment. Also, absolutely agree with others that you texts are too nice and buddy buddy. If a guy im getting to know texts me like that i will lose interest fast. She absolutely wants a nice guy??? Yeah..... perhaps after another 4 or 5 rounds with the players..... pfffft This is definitely not the advice that I would suggest. OP, girls like this are the reason why it can be confusing when you are looking for a romantic bond. They are also the reason why the bad boys do well in their endeavors as well. Since you are not that type I do not think you will be happy playing that role. I hope for your sake that your lady of interest is not like this girl. Good Luck dude
Gaeta Posted April 2, 2014 Posted April 2, 2014 OP i really feel for your situation so im going to give you some advice here. since you are 23 i think this will apply to the age group of girls your dating. I havnt read all of the post replies but some of the themes here are spot on, you need to change your attitude, you are currently negative, angry, desperate and TOO NICE. Here is my opinion on "nice guys". Im a girl and this is my personal perspective. Ideally i absolutely want a nice guy. but in reality im simply NEVER attracted to nice guys and basically only jerks. It's an innate thing and despite my better judgement i cant help. I know many ppl are not going to agree with me and say this is a low self-esteem issue, and it possibly has to do with it but im just telling it as it is. There is a guy that seems only interested in me for sex, but im HOOKED on him and no matter what he says to me, its hard to turn me off. although he never crosses the line to being disrespectful to me. he makes himself scarce to me but is very sexual towards me when he sees me which makes me feel extremely wanted. a girl needs to feel wanted and desired. also this guy has no job and looks terrible on paper, isnt the best looking out there and never takes me out. all we do is hook up at his or my place. This guy is basically YOUR FRIENDS that you have described. There is another guy that is absolutely perfect on paper, he is super considerate and accommodating to me, takes me out on romantic dates, pays for everything, nice to my friends and parents, good job, good looks etc all the wonderful things you can think of. but he is awkward sexually. he does not know how to turn me on and does not try to get me in bed when we are together. and as much as i want this guy to be the one for me as he is perfect in every other way, i just simply cannot feel that physical attraction to him. he is basically "TOO NICE" So in summary my advice is 1) you need to sleep with a girl ASAP, then she will feel attached to you. 2) you cant be too nice to a girl right off the bat, you have to make her earn your affection. another poster made this point too. for example if the hookup guy starts been nice to me now I would feel that i have finally won him over and on the flip side I wouldn't value something as much if i didnt have to work hard for it. Of course not all girls will feel the same way as I do, many girls like "nice guys" or so I've heard. Why dont you try been a "jerk" for a while and see how that works for you, you dont have to be one for the rest of your life. see it as an experiment. Also, absolutely agree with others that you texts are too nice and buddy buddy. If a guy im getting to know texts me like that i will lose interest fast. drg2365: This is awful advice, don't listen to this. Be yourself. You don't want a girl that usually goes after players anyway, these girls have self-esteem problems and value themselves through men only. *If that popular hot guy goes after me must mean I am worth something*. The girls going after bad boys are as dysfunctional as the bad boys themselves.
lil_missy Posted April 2, 2014 Posted April 2, 2014 first of all, i think things are going well for you and the girl OP, better than fine. she seems interested in you and i think you have something to be happy about. i wouldnt go on 4 dates with a guy im not interested in even if he was paying and entertaining me. In the situation i mentioned to you, i did not let a guy take me out and lead him on when i didnt give 2 craps about him. The whole time i was trying to figure out if it could work btwn us, but as soon as i decided it couldnt i told him and it was only after about 2 dates. i think that my advice was pretty good. im just trying to help OP out like everybody else here. i also suggested that he put himself including his wants and needs before that of others more, value himself more and girls will respect him and come to him for it. to be happy and stop this self-pity and negativity, is that not good advice? obviously what he did in the past was not working, hence his built up resentment and cynicism to dating in general. so why not try something else? others have made similar suggestions to mine but i was just more blunt about it and attracted all this judgement about the "type" of girl i am.
Hello_is_it_me Posted April 2, 2014 Posted April 2, 2014 OP i really feel for your situation so im going to give you some advice here. since you are 23 i think this will apply to the age group of girls your dating. I havnt read all of the post replies but some of the themes here are spot on, you need to change your attitude, you are currently negative, angry, desperate and TOO NICE. Here is my opinion on "nice guys". Im a girl and this is my personal perspective. Ideally i absolutely want a nice guy. but in reality im simply NEVER attracted to nice guys and basically only jerks. It's an innate thing and despite my better judgement i cant help. I know many ppl are not going to agree with me and say this is a low self-esteem issue, and it possibly has to do with it but im just telling it as it is. There is a guy that seems only interested in me for sex, but im HOOKED on him and no matter what he says to me, its hard to turn me off. although he never crosses the line to being disrespectful to me. he makes himself scarce to me but is very sexual towards me when he sees me which makes me feel extremely wanted. a girl needs to feel wanted and desired. also this guy has no job and looks terrible on paper, isnt the best looking out there and never takes me out. all we do is hook up at his or my place. This guy is basically YOUR FRIENDS that you have described. There is another guy that is absolutely perfect on paper, he is super considerate and accommodating to me, takes me out on romantic dates, pays for everything, nice to my friends and parents, good job, good looks etc all the wonderful things you can think of. but he is awkward sexually. he does not know how to turn me on and does not try to get me in bed when we are together. and as much as i want this guy to be the one for me as he is perfect in every other way, i just simply cannot feel that physical attraction to him. he is basically "TOO NICE" So in summary my advice is 1) you need to sleep with a girl ASAP, then she will feel attached to you. 2) you cant be too nice to a girl right off the bat, you have to make her earn your affection. another poster made this point too. for example if the hookup guy starts been nice to me now I would feel that i have finally won him over and on the flip side I wouldn't value something as much if i didnt have to work hard for it. Of course not all girls will feel the same way as I do, many girls like "nice guys" or so I've heard. Why dont you try been a "jerk" for a while and see how that works for you, you dont have to be one for the rest of your life. see it as an experiment. Also, absolutely agree with others that you texts are too nice and buddy buddy. If a guy im getting to know texts me like that i will lose interest fast. You caught some flack for this post but I see the value in it.
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