sid3 Posted March 26, 2014 Posted March 26, 2014 Me: Hey there, how did you gals fare camping last night. (OP initiates) Her: It was really fun at night but in the morning it got muggy and rained. ughh Me: Haha well if it makes you feel any better I left my sunroof open last night. Talk about a fun morning. Where did you guys go? (doing ok... keeping the convo going...) Her: (local recreation park) Me: Oh I've been there its really pretty, that's cool. Hey if you are free this Thurs/Fri we should meet up again. The weather is supposed to change for the better those days. (doing ok... feeling her out for a potential meet..) Her: I'll keep you posted! I do have two tests this week and it really sucks... (kind of a blowoff by her) Me: Aww yeah I know the feeling more than anyone of high-pressure tests. But hang in there you'll do great, you really are a good student (she has straight A's in grad school) (mistake text. Reinforcing your acceptance of her excuse for not seeing you with the first sentence... then the whole "hang in there you'll do great" is too nice guy, friendzone, and bland/cliche. Now yes, some girls might appreciate the courtesy but I don't think sending a text like this so early in a relationship is effective) Her: Thanks! I'm not too sure about that because I went camping instead of studying but I think I'll manage! Hopefully its nice on Wednesday so I can take out my stress with kickball! (Showing her priorities. Knows about upcoming tests so goes camping and plays kickball - but not sure about hanging out with you. Also what day are the tests? You asked her out on a Friday. That leaves a weekend to study if the potential test is the following week... ) Me: Kick them out of the park! haha I bet you'll do fine. I know your kind of time crunched but I'd love to be the guy who takes you out for ice cream and gives you a little kiss for a job well done (Fail text. She has already shown disinterest so now is not the time to show her further interest. If anything, you should have just cut the convo short and let her initiate the next contact. "Kick them out of the park" - kinda dorky. And the death knell - the last line. You're just barely dating this girl and this line seems a bit nerdy, pedestalizes her, and is indirectly clingy. You don't have to be overtly sexual. But I said it earlier in the thread that that last line sounds like something a middle school boy would send to his crush. But anyways, aside from me nitpicking is that when a girl starts to show disinterest, DO NOT come on to her stronger. If I had gotten that kickball text I would have replied with "Ok busygirl, maybe another time then )" and gone NC with her for a spell.) Spot on. Texting early on is an attraction killer. Pick up the phone so you can hear her voice, you'll be able to gauge her interest level more clearly.
Author drg2365 Posted March 26, 2014 Author Posted March 26, 2014 (edited) That is very impressive, good for you!! Is it possible you've been dating down? What were you doing out with a 25 y/o working at Target? I cannot imagine that there aren't young women out there looking for a young successful man that's got his act together like you! When you're online are you open minded or you go for the same type of women? That woman in question I met and actually talked at a place for a few hours, once I said I just turned 23 and was new in town her interest plummeted. Even though she had basically nothing going for her. I think I was pretty open minded when sending my messages, the response rate only told me that what I was sending wasn't working (someone on here said my response rate was normal). Its actually tougher out there than you would expect, most girls of similar age are extremely hard to meet, because they are in different situation. Would a 21-22 year old appreciate meeting me? I would really hope so, but where exactly are they? I agree that anticipation is a huge ingredient - if the woman has half a brain cell that is and I don't get a feeling that drg goes for those lacking in half a brain cell. Actually, what he said didn't appear to come over as too keen either - but this you never know unless you are in it yourself. So, let's say drg did come over as a bit too keen... He has a great job at a young age, his own place, car..all that and he has family and friends back where he grew up but he is ambitious to he took a risk and moved for a great job that will set him up well for his future. Currently he is lacking in social life. He's lonely. That is going to make anyone keen on someone they like. Sometimes the only interaction I get all day is with a woman at the checkout. Unless you have been there though and are living it it can be tough to really understand. drg - that is why you need to up your social life - a sports team or an activity where you engage with people. We all need people. (I am telling myself this bit at the same time as you..I work really hard and long hours and my social group has had a change in dynamics - but I am doing various things about that and it's harder for me at 45 so if I can you can! Thank you so much for the extremely thoughtful and reasonable response. It made me think about a lot of things. Its rough out there, like you said going to places should be my main priority. Like I went to this Irish place that has live music two weeks in a row. One time I met a group who chatted and joked with me and I had fun, another time I didn't get so lucky and was kind of a wallflower :/ its such a mixed bag and hard not to get discouraged sometimes. I know well enough that even if you meet people at a place like that you can't just go begging for numbers and friends, men or women a like. The online thing was awful. Most women's profiles under 'What are they looking for' was a 6'0'' guy with an income over 100k, 28-35. This girl was the only one who I got 'far' with in 2 months. I'll start to work harder on meeting people in real life. I don't really look all that young. An example of people writing me off for being in my situation doesn't even extend to women. I was at a bar watching basketball and there was a group of guys (late 20s) sitting next to me rooting for the same team. I started talking to them and they asked me about myself. Getting called 'rookie', and stuff like that isn't too endearing. Especially when you go home and turn on the TV alone. Ooooh, no, I didn't mean "baby steps" in the actual texts he sends. I meant "baby steps" as in the OP needs to initiate some basic introspection of himself - a.k.a. OP needs to firstly find a very basic, bare-bones understanding of why a girl might be turned off by the texts he sent. Because by his replies, I truly don't think he gets it. He keeps defending his texts as a type of corny banter that girls should appreciate. And I'm not saying you can't ask people out for ice cream. But the manner he did was not the most... effective. I totally agree. I do get it, she wasn't interested and went into the phase of using me for attention. I failed with those texts. Our last date she gave her address (that is actually fairly big, obviously liked and TRUSTED me), I picked her up there, we kissed a few times during the date, last time being on her front porch. We were texting and she was stressed about her tests. I failed, but that text was meant to be a little flirty and goofy, with a promise of a little kiss and ice cream. That being the total dealbreaker is actually really mean. Yeah she may have rolled her eyes but isn't it the thought that counts? She was probably seeing other guys and I was losing the 'race' That's why my friend (who is a similarly aged girl) got so mad about it. I took her out three times to dinner, a museum, and an NBA game. That's pretty interesting in regards to dates and she was broke living with her parents, a guy can't do much more. I have totally let it go in regards to her but its so discouraging. Like Gemma said its super hard not to be keen after a few dates when they are your first date in awhile and they go well, but to maintain some level of keen-ness to keep things going in the first place. Its just really hard :/ Edited March 26, 2014 by drg2365
Hello_is_it_me Posted March 26, 2014 Posted March 26, 2014 OP. Keep your head up and learn from experiences. You're very young! You've got tons of time for future relationships. All is not lost.
preraph Posted March 26, 2014 Posted March 26, 2014 Well, if you're getting any hits online at all you're doing better than a lot of people. I think you're trying a bit too hard with flattery, so it's not the end of the world. Just peel it back in the future. Say simple sincere unembellished things that do not imply future commitment of any kind that could send up a red flag that you're too eager or whatever. Like what might have been more acceptable would have been to wait until congratulations were in order and then say "Congratulations. Let's celebrate." Wait for a response "Okay" or "Oh, wish I could, but..." and then "What sounds good? Ice cream?"
HappyLove Posted March 26, 2014 Posted March 26, 2014 I think the best thing you did was get offline. OLDing SUCKS you have to be very lucky to meet anyone who's worth your time and not playing games. MANY women just go on for attention for various reasons. You need to get out and meet a woman IRL. You have a lot to offer and there are many of us women out here dying to find a guy like you. Get rid of the down and out attitude yea it's hard out there, but guess what... it's hard for the rest if us out here too! Forget that chick you were dealing with. She's not even in your level or worth your time. She's a flake. Even if she starts blowing up your phone, which she probably will after you ignore her, you can do better. Woohoo she can play kick ball & go camping? Why were you even considering this chick? Join some meet up groups get out there make some friends. You'll find a great girl IRL, you just gotta put yourself out there. Good luck!
acrosstheuniverse Posted March 26, 2014 Posted March 26, 2014 When I first kissed her at the game I said something super stupid, but sweet in its intentions, and she turned red as a beet and leaned in. The 'kiss-cam' on the jumbo-tron came on; I had my arm around her; we didn't get put on the first few slides; and I said 'I guess you are just too pretty to be put up on the jumbo-tron, people would freak out' and she went from white to RED and kissed me. That is over the top corny, but she liked it. So I figured rinse and repeat. Sometimes when a guy has said something super corny and embarrassing, literally the only response I could think of that was least awkward was kissing him. Because I knew I couldn't really say anything in words back that wouldn't reflect my amusement or disgust at the corniness. Also that 'I've love to be the guy that gives you ice cream and little kisses' made me gag. Reminds me of the time a guy I had been on a few dates with basically said, in order to keep seeing me on my terms (casual) while he had already made it clear he wanted a relationship, 'I'm not saying I wouldn't be the proudest puppy in the club to have you on my arm but if casual is all you've got time for right now, that's okay with me'. I mean that line was a year and a half ago and it made me cringe so bad, it was like my vagina clamped shut. Girls don't want ice cream and little kisses from men they're considering dating. Ice cream and little kisses MIGHT be cute from boyfriends, but from men I'm considering dating it would make him seem really smitten and feminine and as though he had me on a pedestal already. I'd be more likely to go for 'I'm going for ice cream tomorrow if you wanna tag along. I might even buy you one if you're lucky', a bit of teasing, no pedestals! 2
acrosstheuniverse Posted March 26, 2014 Posted March 26, 2014 Thinking about it, even 'I wanna buy you an ice cream and make out with you round the back of the parlour' is much more attractive. I think it's the term 'little kiss' that is the death knell. It signifies that kind of thing you give your toddler niece, or your grandma, not a sexual exchange. 1
Author drg2365 Posted March 26, 2014 Author Posted March 26, 2014 (edited) Thinking about it, even 'I wanna buy you an ice cream and make out with you round the back of the parlour' is much more attractive. I think it's the term 'little kiss' that is the death knell. It signifies that kind of thing you give your toddler niece, or your grandma, not a sexual exchange. To add a little context. She gave me her (parents) address for the 3rd date, we held hands and I had my arm around her in the stadium before the kiss cam thing, walked her up to her doorstep, we had a another kiss. I've been on bad dates, if they are even in your car they will run out like their hair is on fire. Not hold your hand in their driveway. It was a totally dorky thing but the intent behind that was just to make her feel a little better because she was worried about a test. I can't envision saying 'I want to make out with you' would have gone better. Like my friend's fiance said, 'not everything works out 100%, but this girl better not complain anytime soon, you showed you cared, she turned it down, letting you onto her property and kissing you is big.' I wasn't quite expecting to never see or talk to her again, I've totally let it go though. I think this is more up to the wackos that inhabit the OLD world. Which leads me... I think the best thing you did was get offline. OLDing SUCKS you have to be very lucky to meet anyone who's worth your time and not playing games. MANY women just go on for attention for various reasons. You need to get out and meet a woman IRL. You have a lot to offer and there are many of us women out here dying to find a guy like you. Get rid of the down and out attitude yea it's hard out there, but guess what... it's hard for the rest if us out here too! Forget that chick you were dealing with. She's not even in your level or worth your time. She's a flake. Even if she starts blowing up your phone, which she probably will after you ignore her, you can do better. Woohoo she can play kick ball & go camping? Why were you even considering this chick? Join some meet up groups get out there make some friends. You'll find a great girl IRL, you just gotta put yourself out there. Good luck! Thanks for the kind words. Yeah OLD sucks. I hope they burn those sites down. 90% of the women want attention, the men want to play and lay. I just wanted to find a girlfriend, I'm not a guy who uses women, I know it hurts. instead got absolutely nothing in 2 whole months. Well I got a date who ghosted me, and this girl. I was considering her because she was actually really nice to me in person, a cute girl, and I figured kissing on her doorstep was a step going forward. Instead I got rejected (not even rejected, the silent treatment) because I sent her something corny after she said she was stressed out. This someone who doesn't even have a job (grad school is a sort-a excuse, I worked my way through 5 years of college and didn't live with my parents) gave me the silent treatment, because I was reduced to attention monkey. In regards to going forward. Can you guys offer some advice on talking to women and initially dating them? I wil try harder to just make general friends. All these things I'm starting off from square one because like Gemma understood, being in a place where you aren't a known quantity isn't easy. It was really scary graduating with honors (how I got my job) last summer and a job offer I absolutely could not refuse 800 miles away from your friends and family. Its been really lonely ever since.... Edited March 26, 2014 by drg2365
Hello_is_it_me Posted March 26, 2014 Posted March 26, 2014 To add a little context. She gave me her (parents) address for the 3rd date, we held hands and I had my arm around her in the stadium before the kiss cam thing, walked her up to her doorstep, we had a another kiss. I've been on bad dates, if they are even in your car they will run out like their hair is on fire. Not hold your hand in their driveway. (How do you know? Nothing in dating is so absolute or clear cut)It was a totally dorky thing but the intent behind that was just to make her feel a little better because she was worried about a test. (yes, and it was misguided intent. You're trying to date this guy, not be her platonic best friend) I can't envision saying 'I want to make out with you' would have gone better. (The way acrosstheuniverse wrote the text, I think it would have) Like my friend's fiance said, 'not everything works out 100%, but this girl better not complain anytime soon, you showed you cared, she turned it down, letting you onto her property and kissing you is big.' ("Letting you onto her property" is a big sign of interest? I dunno man. Your friend's fiance sounds like she could be writing a dating advice column in a 1950's newspaper) I wasn't quite expecting to never see or talk to her again, I've totally let it go though. I think this is more up to the wackos that inhabit the OLD world. Which leads me... Thanks for the kind words. Yeah OLD sucks. I hope they burn those sites down. 90% of the women want attention, the men want to play and lay. I just wanted to find a girlfriend, I'm not a guy who uses women, I know it hurts. instead got absolutely nothing in 2 whole months. Well I got a date who ghosted me, and this girl. I was considering her because she was actually really nice to me in person, a cute girl, and I figured kissing on her doorstep was a step going forward. Instead I got rejected (not even rejected, the silent treatment) because I sent her something corny after she said she was stressed out. This someone who doesn't even have a job (grad school is a sort-a excuse, I worked my way through 5 years of college and didn't live with my parents) gave me the silent treatment, because I was reduced to attention monkey. In regards to going forward. Can you guys offer some advice on talking to women and initially dating them? I wil try harder to just make general friends. All these things I'm starting off from square one because like Gemma understood, being in a place where you aren't a known quantity isn't easy. It was really scary graduating with honors (how I got my job) last summer and a job offer 800 miles away from your friends and family. Its been really lonely ever since.... Despite what some say, OLD is fiiiiiiiiiiiiine. It's just another type of resource. Use it alooooong with other non-OLD ways to meet women. Why not maximize your access to potential dates? But. I think to be successful in OLD you must be witty, bold, interesting, something... Because think of it from a girls' perspective... being inundated with messages from all types of guys. You've gotta separate yourself from the pack. OP, if you happen to be a religious Christian perhaps a site like Christian Mingle would be something to try. Not too familiar with it but maybe the girls on there are more old-fashioned? (which seems to be your dating style)
acrosstheuniverse Posted March 26, 2014 Posted March 26, 2014 To add a little context. She gave me her (parents) address for the 3rd date, we held hands and I had my arm around her in the stadium before the kiss cam thing, walked her up to her doorstep, we had a another kiss. I've been on bad dates, if they are even in your car they will run out like their hair is on fire. Not hold your hand in their driveway. It was a totally dorky thing but the intent behind that was just to make her feel a little better because she was worried about a test. I can't envision saying 'I want to make out with you' would have gone better. Like my friend's fiance said, 'not everything works out 100%, but this girl better not complain anytime soon, you showed you cared, she turned it down, letting you onto her property and kissing you is big.' I wasn't quite expecting to never see or talk to her again, I've totally let it go though. I think this is more up to the wackos that inhabit the OLD world. Which leads me... I'm not saying that the date itself was bad, just that you probably killed her attraction by a) being really cringeworthy and b) making it too clear too soon how smitten you were with her. That can kill attraction. But you're right yes, if she liked you then she probably would have let it slide anyway. But texts like that and how you interact with a girl can also swing it one way or another if she's on the fence at that stage. I think your friend's fiance is just trying to make you feel better to be honest, saying the same 'it's not you, it's her' stuff most of us all say to our friends when they're heartbroken. I prefer to give it to my friends straight but I know not everybody does. The reason I believe this is because letting you onto her property and kissing you are NOT big. They are things that most people do after a few dates. Hell, lots of people do on date one. They're nothing, and especially not for somebody who if she's as awesome as you say she is, has plenty of options. She could be kissing a different guy on her porch every weekend. It's good you've let it go but seriously, maybe don't use the term 'little kiss' with a woman again... it might not completely go against your favour with a woman that's super into you but it's never, NEVER, going to help, unless your potential partners are around 14 years old. Even if my boyfriend texted me telling me he wanted to give me a little kiss I'd be like... urgh, what? Like a peck on the lips? Do you not find me sexually attractive? Sure, we do give each other small non-sexual kisses frequently as well as making out sexually but there's something about that term that's a massive turn off. Maybe it's just me though . Are there any women on here that didn't find the phrasing of that text a turn off? I'm only going on about it OP because you don't seem to be doing anything but justifying it repeatedly even when everybody is pretty much telling you it's a turn off... 1
Author drg2365 Posted March 26, 2014 Author Posted March 26, 2014 I'm not saying that the date itself was bad, just that you probably killed her attraction by a) being really cringeworthy and b) making it too clear too soon how smitten you were with her. That can kill attraction. But you're right yes, if she liked you then she probably would have let it slide anyway. But texts like that and how you interact with a girl can also swing it one way or another if she's on the fence at that stage. I think your friend's fiance is just trying to make you feel better to be honest, saying the same 'it's not you, it's her' stuff most of us all say to our friends when they're heartbroken. I prefer to give it to my friends straight but I know not everybody does. The reason I believe this is because letting you onto her property and kissing you are NOT big. They are things that most people do after a few dates. Hell, lots of people do on date one. They're nothing, and especially not for somebody who if she's as awesome as you say she is, has plenty of options. She could be kissing a different guy on her porch every weekend. It's good you've let it go but seriously, maybe don't use the term 'little kiss' with a woman again... it might not completely go against your favour with a woman that's super into you but it's never, NEVER, going to help, unless your potential partners are around 14 years old. Even if my boyfriend texted me telling me he wanted to give me a little kiss I'd be like... urgh, what? Like a peck on the lips? Do you not find me sexually attractive? Sure, we do give each other small non-sexual kisses frequently as well as making out sexually but there's something about that term that's a massive turn off. Maybe it's just me though . Are there any women on here that didn't find the phrasing of that text a turn off? I'm only going on about it OP because you don't seem to be doing anything but justifying it repeatedly even when everybody is pretty much telling you it's a turn off... I was just justifying my thought process behind it. I wasn't perfect and screwed up. After about 2 days of not hearing back from her it was like (just a 5 second thought process) 'crap! I didn't mean to be creepy! You seemed like you were having a bad day so I thought that would be nice! Sorry!' but, well just let it go. It was big in a sense that the only woman in my OLD experience who was comfortable enough with me to give me her address, go on 3 dates with me, hold my hand and kiss her on her porch. She wasn't totally awesome or perfect at all, but was really nice to me and kept regular contact (both parties initiated). Part of it was probably of been not having a date in awhile and getting attracted to her. Dates are hard to come by. Especially in my situation of having being on a little on the young side in a place where you aren't from and the transition of getting into social circles, around women, dating many people at the same time, is a little harder than I expected.
Gaeta Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 I don't think it's about showing too much eagerness or interest, or saying something cheesy. I remember going on a first date with a man that was SO nervous, he was sweating bullets, he baffled his words, he kept saying he was nervous because I was so beautiful and I was a real lady and he was afraid of making a mistake, and suddenly he had an anxiety attack lol. He asked for a moment to gather himself together. Guess what? I liked him and none of that turned me off, I found his inexperience and eagerness endearing. So, just be yourself. Don't try to be a cool detached dude when you're not one.
Author drg2365 Posted March 27, 2014 Author Posted March 27, 2014 I don't think it's about showing too much eagerness or interest, or saying something cheesy. I remember going on a first date with a man that was SO nervous, he was sweating bullets, he baffled his words, he kept saying he was nervous because I was so beautiful and I was a real lady and he was afraid of making a mistake, and suddenly he had an anxiety attack lol. He asked for a moment to gather himself together. Guess what? I liked him and none of that turned me off, I found his inexperience and eagerness endearing. So, just be yourself. Don't try to be a cool detached dude when you're not one. What a lucky guy. You're sweet. The whole attachment (read:game of dating) thing is why I just deleted my profile and just try to meet people in real life, no matter how hard and far apart dates are. OLD just adds confusion, full of whackjobs on both sides, and is probably not meant for people in their early to mid 20s (especially guys, my experience was very poor). Anyone willing to drop a few pointers on how to meet and date women in real life? I have stuff going for me its just tough to convey that and find dates without an actual social group.
WP4046 Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 *I'll keep you posted* is a soft rejection in my book, we're Tuesday, she knows already what's up Thursday and Friday, before telling you she's available she's checking her other options. Sounds like she is keeping you on the back burner. Yeah sure she's busy but if she is THAT busy what the heck she's doing on a dating site? When you go on there isn't it because you are *available* to date. You can find someone much more into you. I agree you're a little too slack with your invitations. Not getting back to you on your last text, when you were showing more personal interest is indicative you 2 aren't sharing the same level of interest. I keep you posted........."sophisticated rejection":)
WP4046 Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 OK, you asked for it... These are my thoughts on texts and calls. I am not a phone talker either....so I completely get you. And text is easier and safer.... BUT..if a man I like calls me I will pick up if I am near my phone or I will call back or send an apology by text and explain that I couldn't pick up and is a text OK? There will be an apology for missing the call, an explanation why, an ask what it was about and a 'xx' at the end. In some situations a text is OK. Some situations they are not so good. But also, you have as much right as she does to like one or the other. That part is about compromise..to be worked upon once 'in' a relationship. Communication methods in a relationship can make it thrive or as we see here mostly kill things. They also mostly seem to be via text!!! Textng = 1. Easy 2. You can hold off and think of a great reply. 3. The great reply may not actually be your own personality - not good. 4. You have loads of time to think of a reply to theirs 5. If each person is being very clear it's great 6. If there is any miscommunication it's not. 7. It's easily faked What looks good amongst teh following texts: 1. Wassup? xxx 2. What are you up to? xxxxxx 3. Good day gorgeous? xxxx 4. Hey, how did the meeting go today? Was your boss interested in you looking for the extra few hours a week?/Was your dog OK at the vets?/How did it go for your Mum with the interview?. Let me know if you are still OK for Thursday as I can't wait to see you! xx 5.Hey, I am at the train station at Costa Coffee. See you in 5 xx To me...they all look pretty bad. None of them require my immediate attention. They are texts. But that last one..No. 5..Wwell..he knows she is on her way and he knows she is on time. They have checked in with each other by text as it was the easiest way at the time and each is aware that they're on the move and busy...so No.5 wins for me! The other thing about texts. 1. They are not at all spontaneous. 2. You never know whether they sit with their friends saying 'he asked me out..(yayyy!) ...but it was by text...(boooo!)....' Have you ever wondered why Johnny Depp is so popular with women? Nah! Me neither! I am of optimum age and gender and all that to like him and I never did. Except..I saw one interview. He blew me away. His voice! He is an extreme..but I also love Jack Black's voice. It's possible that you may call when she is not free (see the second paragraph above). If she doesn't contact you (with a call or a text with an apology/explanation )back after two calls 12-20 hrs apart..then you move on. You know right there and then she isn't that into you. I already said that I am not keen on phone talking but I absolutely will when I'm interested..or when I have to contact my insurance people or my work or ...you get the idea.. It shows more cajones to call. She gets to hear your voice and you hers. It's easier to flirt and joke around. It's more spontaneous. Wouldn't it be horrible to have a life where nobody ever spoke out loud to you? Relationships can be like that if you don't work on talking right from the start. But..voices are way too sexy to miss out on giving and hearing. If...she isn't interested you will hear it in her voice. If she is interested in you you are far more likely to hear that too. Women always say confidence in a man is attractive. Calling..is attractive. We all know it takes more guts to call than to text. Calls only need to be a few minutes long too. 20 mins max. 20 mins max? where did that came from?
GemmaUK Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 20 mins max? where did that came from? 20 mins so that you actually have things to talk about and catch up on when you next see each other. Plus it's also all about still having time for your interests, hobbies, the other parts of your life that make you the interesting person that Mr/Miss X started to date. They say absence makes the heart grow fonder. With all of the different ways people now communicate it's become 'give a person a chance to miss you'.
Gaeta Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 Anyone willing to drop a few pointers on how to meet and date women in real life? I have stuff going for me its just tough to convey that and find dates without an actual social group. I think the best way is to get involved in different activities, sports, become member of clubs, depending on your personality if you are more the intellectual type or the sport type. My daughter is in her 20s and she does indoor rock climbing, she is crazy about it and apparently the crowd is young and friendly. You may want to look up the meetups groups in your area. I heard a lot of good things about those.
Hello_is_it_me Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 OP, have you had a gf before? If so, was wondering how you would flirt with each other.
Author drg2365 Posted March 27, 2014 Author Posted March 27, 2014 (edited) OP, have you had a gf before? If so, was wondering how you would flirt with each other. Not really/Sort of, my dating experiences in college were rough. I wasn't super aggressive and spent a lot of time studying. Which is how I got my job, but it was rough. I had a 'kids gf' at 15 who dumped me after homecoming and I 'dated' a girl in college for about 2-3 months who cheated on me which sucked really bad but I let it go. My other dating experiences in college were of the 'your mileage may vary' type and it never worked out. In real life in a new place its so different Edited March 27, 2014 by drg2365
Hello_is_it_me Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 Not really/Sort of, my dating experiences in college were rough. I wasn't super aggressive and spent a lot of time studying. Which is how I got my job, but it was rough. I had a 'kids gf' at 15 who dumped me after homecoming and I 'dated' a girl in college for about 2-3 months who cheated on me which sucked really bad but I let it go. My other dating experiences in college were of the 'your mileage may vary' type and it never worked out. In real life in a new place its so different Ok, ok.. Well just gotta get out there and get some flirting experience I suppose. And pay attention to what works and what doesn't.
jay1983 Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 I say the first person to comment on your post is right. She doesn't seem that interested. Your best bet is to make plans without her, with your friends, and tell her "I'll be at such and such with so and so, your welcome to come if you want". That way if she's not doing anything, or doing something boring with her friends, she knows of another spot they can hit, and might show up. That is if she texts you again.
starrynightz45 Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 I don't know about everybody else, but when a guy I want to go out with asks me if I'm free, I don't say "I'll keep you posted." Ever. I know. If I'm legitimately that busy, I'll say "This week/weekend isn't going to work for me because of xyz but I would like to do something maybe next week/weekend if you're free?" This way he knows I'm being genuine, I've explained why I'm busy, and he has no reason not to believe me. If I am available, I make it known. I'm free on xyz days. Maybe others are different but I would only pull the "I'll let you know/keep you posted" thing if I wasn't all too excited about seeing you.
Hello_is_it_me Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 I don't know about everybody else, but when a guy I want to go out with asks me if I'm free, I don't say "I'll keep you posted." Ever. I know. If I'm legitimately that busy, I'll say "This week/weekend isn't going to work for me because of xyz but I would like to do something maybe next week/weekend if you're free?" This way he knows I'm being genuine, I've explained why I'm busy, and he has no reason not to believe me. If I am available, I make it known. I'm free on xyz days. Maybe others are different but I would only pull the "I'll let you know/keep you posted" thing if I wasn't all too excited about seeing you. Yeah. The automatic response to "I'll keep you posted" should be "never mind then." Reply to their flippancy in kind.
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